Reviews for Pokémon Survival: Remake
belhotte chapter 5 . 12/2/2009
so the real stuff is coming to get us

blood, this is going to get messy

me love it lol

this is getting darker and darker and is very well written

until now you only have motives to feel proud of yourself
belhotte chapter 4 . 12/2/2009
well I thing the game started now lets see what happens

loving this minute by minute
Farla chapter 1 . 12/1/2009
You start off in present tense and change into past. You should really be more careful to just keep to past tense.

You really don't need to go into that much detail about the virtual reality bit, especially since it's not like the detail you give makes it sound any more plausible. It's best glossed over.

Also, "Their release would be with a hugely expensive chamber where only one client could enter at a time and be transformed into digital data "? No. For one thing, if everyone's doing it it can hardly be something like that, and for another, look, you aren't actually being turned into data when you go someplace virtual, okay? That's stupid. You should know that's stupid.

"For example, if a client would be entering a world that did not need any physical changes, such as the gaming title ‘Resident Evil: Global Outbreak’, then they would be transferred to that game at their original state and would rely on wit to survive a zombie apocalypse. But if said client were instead taking on a game such as the title ‘Starfox Galaxies’, then their body would be reformed to an anthro character they would have had to create at the start of the game when they bought it."

Also, could you just think a little, instead of regurgitating a bunch of games you like? Would someone actually want to be represented exactly as they are while playing a game with zombies? If nothing else I'd like my sense of smell turned off. Meanwhile, why exactly would no player want to look like they did just because the game originally had anthromophic characters?Why wouldn't you just let players build an avatar, and maybe for multiplayer stuff give limits? It's like you think up this idea and then absolutely fail to follow through. This whole paragraph can be summed up as "there's this new thing that lets you do stuff exactly the same as before".

(This is without even getting into the fact you seem to think this means actually being there, and trust me, if you're making it seem like physical you is there with all the bits, your brain would snap if someone tried to plug in a fifth limb. If this is a representation of them, they can only make slight changes, if it's not, you need to stop going on about how faithful it is while at the same time acting like you can get fur, mobile ears and a tail without problem. Seriously. Snap. Snap like spun glass into a billion pieces. Absolute best case you would utterly screw your ability to do things like walk because your brain keeps remapping nerves to limbs you don't have. You can't plug extra limbs into your brain like that, and if this is getting layered over like clothing, it's going to be freaky and unpleasant and no one would do it.)

"The Defeat Room was where those that were defeated in a game world were thrown in, quite literally. From almost two hundred feet high, they would fall and return to their normal form and hit the ground in the most painful-looking fashion, yet feel no pain at all, for it was not real. It was very entertaining to watch."

Continuing on our you didn't think this through tour - what, seriously? Plenty of people would have fun doing that, and plenty of other people are terrified of falling. You wouldn't have any sort of system that automatically did this to everyone, no matter how funny you find the idea. Especially not if this is open to kids.

"Whenever I tried to get online in the daylight, I was always playing with either Russians or Koreans, and I didn’t know what the hell they were saying. "

Because digitizing people including their entire brains which basically means ultrafast mindreading is easy, and them making them furries with way different shapes will be no problem, but translating what the damn ruskies are saying is forever beyond us.

And now we've gone back to present tense. Seriously, pay attention.

And they're talking.

And talking.

They won't stop talking.

Talking about stupid, boring things.

Okay, I'm more than halfway to the chapter and you have yet to actually get to anything resembling a plot.

Okay, random vague guy who is vague in the traditional vague manner and wow I don't care. You know if you'd started around here I might have been willing to keep going, but not now.
Slave of the Jester Race chapter 6 . 12/1/2009
Great to see you back mate.

For the long wait between updates, this chapter was well worth it. I see you you introduced the two Charmeleon from the original... AND DIRT FEEDER!

This chapter was kind of surreal in my oppinion. I really felt the terror Clair and Zigza felt when they realised that they could feel everything. And the Rampardos's mind regression was quite freaky. What happened in that cave?

Can't wait to see more, try not to wait 6 months before posting the next chapter hey (/End Hipocriticism)
belhotte chapter 3 . 12/1/2009
I am happy every one find a way to go

but now on to to the important stuff

this chapter was kind of... epic

very well done I loved it

When a powerful and unknown force throws you into a video game and uses its elements to guide you, you don’t fuck around

that is so true, andy shouldnt have gone

men your writing got me stuck, so much mystery and the reactions of andy to the all thing were so beliavable

kudos my friend

with this chapter this fic is going to my favorites
belhotte chapter 2 . 12/1/2009
this chapter was more like it

it was actually good

The moment in wich brett rememberd to that tat was just a game was funny

I am starting to get the hikes for this fic
belhotte chapter 1 . 12/1/2009
well this first chapter was kind of broing but was needed for plot to move on

still I am with excited to read the next chapter

who knows this doesnt becomes my next fanfiction adiction

special since the author of the fics I read decided updating his just for the unimportant people
Slave of the Jester Race chapter 5 . 7/30/2009
Well I already gave you my review via PM so this is basically a grammar / hurry up review...

I didn't see much mistakes but I did see way too many of line breaks. These breaks for me felt like they were cutting the action short and made it look messy. Especially the single paragraph:

" “One more time, I need everyone’s attention!” after gaining the awareness of the entire group of people, Donnie cleared his throat again, knowing that there would be more complaints than anything else from what he had to say. But it had to be said. “There’s been a change of plans. We need at least six people in a room together. There’s not enough to go around.” "

...

So now there are only 90 left... I can't wait to read the pokemon player's point of view on this night ;)

Seyaz
Mai-danishgirl chapter 5 . 7/15/2009
Br, the last part really gave me the creeps. You really got the feeling of "WTF is going on?" to a fine point.

I wonder how the pokemons are doing, at least they can defend themselves from whatever this is.
Slave of the Jester Race chapter 4 . 6/24/2009
Great chapter, mate D

I love how you gave 'The Sneasel' much more of a part in this story and I like it how you made him seem like an antagonist at first but then make him seem like a hero.

However when you described when he took control of the boat, you make it seem to me that the players will start attacking him later when they do realise something is wrong, Mainly Brett. I don't know why but I can just see Taron and Brett battling it out later on; that would be interesting...

Throughout this chapter, the suspense was killing me. The fact that the entry to the island was so different compared to the other was an interesting touch. With the other, you got the feeling that the worst was over, with this version, you just get the feeling then something worse is about to happen.

And with the bit with the NPC's, I thought that they were just going to become real, not disappear into nothingness.

I must say when I first read this chapter, I was glued to my phone for hours reading and rereading it over and over again. (Five or six times).

I just have a little problem with the logistics of the Isle of Devalore however, mainly concerning the river. You say that the boat goes into the river from the sea (Which automatically makes us assume the river is flowing that way) but then you say after the cave that it spirals downward...

I hope you update soon. I can't wait to read more of this.

Seyaz
Mai-danishgirl chapter 4 . 6/19/2009
Your writing is exellent, and the story flows well.

And I love how well you got the feeling of Wrong clear, epecially in the newest chapter.
Slave of the Jester Race chapter 3 . 6/14/2009
You know my reasons for not reviewing earlier...

I really like this chapter, I can't wait for the next one... ;)

I like the symmetry of both parties being last on to the ferry/ train. To me it symbolized how they would both suffer the same fate that it to come.

Update soon mate! ;D
Coldfire323 chapter 3 . 1/23/2009
Oho, so it wasn't the Sneasel that gave him the ticket! Now I can fully dislike him without a problem! Anyways...

I can't help but feel skeptical by this skipping school thing. A virutal reality game's bound to have multi-aged participants, but why have these very important hours of departure doing work and school hours? That wouldn't make any logical sense. Unless they're doing it on purpose for some strange reason... I'm liking Mr. Parker though. I wish I had a dad that would let me skip school! And I like this little scene of honesty from Irene and Brett. It makes me think a little differently about Jerry faking a fever, lazing around on a couch, and then encouraging his friend to fake an injury to get out of school. Then again, flaws make a charcter intersting, so I'm not gonna complain about Jerry.
Coldfire323 chapter 2 . 1/23/2009
Whoa, sorry for diappearing, B! But I'm back now, and now I can squeal and read and review. x3

This'll include the review for the first chapter since I've already 'reviewed' the last one... Oops.

Chapter One: There's a simplicity in this chapter that I like. You don't make great pains to try to explain things and write amazingly as you're doing it. You're just giving facts. I like that, especially the very end. As exciting as battles are, no one wants to read an entire tournament in one go! You want this story to pick up speed fast, and I like that. I'd rather have an average length chapter with substance and plot advancement rather than pages upon pages of filler.

It took a little bit for the story to pick up, but there's this tinge of mystery to it that keeps a reader hooked.. And we can't expect the introduction of a story to be action packed, so don't think that should be changed in any way. Besides, the battle was very well written.

I'm gonna say this again because it needs to be repeated: I sense an element of mystery to this story... It could be because "in the future" settings really intrigue me. It also leaves you free to do what you want, because none of us knows what technological advances are gonna be here in three years! Nice technique.

Then there's that striped box... Remember a long, long time ago, when I said the original version of this fanfic reminded me of the mystery and suspense of the television series Lost? You managed to retain that feeling, because I'm getting that vibe... Strange, cryptic man, an item whose purpose is unknown at the moment, an island reserved for only a select few. Great introductory chapter. Just one problem. I don't know what these characters look like! So far all I've got is general age and hair color in Irene's case.

Chapter Two: Brett. He's the youngest of Irene's brothers, right? And eleven? That's my pet peeve, right there. If you'd never mentioned the age of this character, I'd think he was about thirteen, maybe fourteen years old. He seems to lack the youthful personality that a kid his age would have. Such as him noticing that J.J's just acting mean because he wants to be In Character. I couldn't even catch that as easily as he had, and I'm seventeen. Wouldn't a normal kid assume that he was just plain mean? Is it just because you haven't fully gotten used to writing from the eyes of an eleven year old, or is he this 'mature' on purpose? Remember, at his age he should be in/ just left elementary school. So far this is the only thing that I've noticed that's a bit strange about him. His trust in Claire and the decision to let her in on the mission (plus his automatic assumption that the mission isn't a big hoax0 helps with this problem though, because it seems to me that he's put too much trust in her and the mission... This is good though! It helps enforce his young age, you get me?

One thing that gets me mad with virtual reality scenarios in a book or tv show is the DRAMA that the author is tempted to indulge in. They make virtual near-death experiences as pumped as real-life death, when the character really isn't in ANY danger at all. Like, it's different if the virtual world starts to merge with reality like I'm sure it's going to do in this story, but... Come on.

'"It's a game," Brett responded. "Of course I'll be alright."'

Thank you for reminding everyone of that. THANK YOU. XD It's just a game, no big deal. Maybe he should tell that to J.J, the jerk.

And man. This Sneasel. I don't know what to make of this guy! I'm mad at him for swiping the mission, but only because he took the reward. But in the end he gave one of them to Brett, so... No harm done? Except the loss of Claire on the team. I hope this won't be the last we see of her...
Slave of the Jester Race chapter 2 . 12/30/2008
Sorry for not reviewing (alot) earlier...

I really liked this chapter, because of "the Sneasel". I wonder who he is based off... :)

I can't wait for the next chappy, Please do it soon!
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