|Reviews for Tails|
| yo chapter 10 . 11/24/2008
That was the worst ending I've ever read in my life. I saw it coming two chapters away.
But the overall story was okay.
| Solis Knight chapter 10 . 11/23/2008
Just when I thought you'd end the story...
YOU GIVE US MORE!
I WORSHIP YOU!
All hail this author! He is the very best!
| White Keyblade Oathkeeper chapter 10 . 11/23/2008
why did cosmo have to die?
| XT-421 chapter 9 . 11/22/2008
Whoa... it's a dud...
... and then a massive nuclear bomb comes from the sky and eradicates all of the Freedom Fighters in the area. (Lol, that would make me so sad...)
Ok, what needs correcting? Well not much...
"guilt. Tremendous unsure ness. Fear… And the adrenaline of the killing." Unsureness isn't a word, and splitting it doesn't make a difference... you have to change the word, or sentence to fit something else... may I suggest 'uncertainty'?
"full-armed Big Foot" Ok, this is jsut a bit messed up, but not much... It would be better if it were worded "Fully-armed Big Foots" (as Big Feet wouldn't make much more sense than Big Foots.)
And that is that!
I hope to read the next chapter soon!
| White Keyblade Oathkeeper chapter 9 . 11/22/2008
| XT-421 chapter 8 . 11/21/2008
"It was just a tele-trasportation device, don’t be such a wimp" Transportation is misspelled, no biggy.
"“Shadow… Why you let me won?”" It would sonud better as "Why DID you let me WIN", I can't think of why though... too tired...
"“What do you mean, ‘a natural birth’.”" I got picky, there should be a '?' in this, rather than a period.
"Of course no! I’m not a worthless hunk of junk…" Inseatd of 'no', you should have 'not'.
"territory, was starting to back stabbing him" The stabbing doesn't need an 'ing' at the end of it. Again, too tired to think of why...
"Childs." "JUST CHILDS!" Childs, well, lol, it isn't the plural, Children, is the plural.
"He almost let “Him” go" I THINK you meant to say 'her' in this, but I'm not sure...
"What part did Cosmo has in all of this?" Has should be have, just a matter of tense.
"“THAT’S THE DUMBEST IDEA THAT… Ehr I mean, it’s better if we stay unite.”" United is a noun, unite is a verb. (Use the noun.)
"Kids’." The apostrophe is unecessary, I think.
"Their mind were dead." Mind should be minds, plurals should link up.
"They’ve been hired by an anonymous client to rescue someone for some reason" They've should be they'd, as, again, it is the propper tense in the sentence.
A VERY nice story, very gruesome this chapter... another update coming soon?
| White Keyblade Oathkeeper chapter 8 . 11/20/2008
i loved that last line
| XT-421 chapter 7 . 11/19/2008
You did a LOT better this time.
" fight a FUCKING genocidal killer machine by your FUCKING own. " Either change 'own' to 'self' (as yourself would fit, but you threw 'fucking' in between it.) or change 'by' to 'on'. Both fit.
"Even in this times… Mostly in this times." Either change 'this' to 'these', or drop the 's' on both of the 'times'. It just is the plural problem.
"Shadow’s body flew backward for a good 15 meters before landing on Tails’s foot (he out sped his own shot to do that) than, after his adversary jumped forward for the impact, the vulpine wonder flew in the sky for a good 10 feet and went down to his enemy like a missile before turning and hitting him with a devastating leg drop!" Ok, on this section, I found three errors. Two were that you used 'flow' instead of 'flew', wrong because they are the wrong word. Flown, exists, but drop that 'n' in it, and well, it changes completely. Flew is the simple past.
The second part... was you put 'speeded' which, I don't honestly think it a word. Sped, I think may work, but it would be best if you just changed the verb to something like 'out-ran' or something. That would make more sense.
Other than that, I have one more comment.
MEHPILES? Do you just like to add characters? And jeez! This is getting REALLY complex here... I can assuming this is going to be a long... long story (and I am perfectly fine with that.)
Keep writing, it is amazing.
| White Keyblade Oathkeeper chapter 7 . 11/19/2008
bum bum bum
| I dont want to grow up chapter 2 . 11/18/2008
You have a very sick sense of humor at times... and I totaly love your writing for that.
Aside from some spelling errors, everything is great. You deviated from characters in a way that doesn't actually change them. And the whole 'evelution' thing is a really great plot to work with.
I'm glad to know such a twisted person. It is truly the twisted, like Edgar A. Poe, who can really deliver the point in a way that stabs your view of the world. Your writing does just that.
Please tell me, when and why was your realization of the hardcore being that Tails is?
| XT-421 chapter 6 . 11/18/2008
I'll be dead honest, I am tired, and the last thing I want to do is have to probe your story for mistakes, but well, I already have them on notepad, so why not?
" to get her girl and find the " "Her girl? Was that meant?" For both of these, I THINK you might want to say 'his' instead of 'her'. I mean, Tails IS talking about Cosmo as if he owned her, or had a part of her to claim possession of (he does, kind of, her heart is his, as his is hers.)
"difficulties. Only them were able to use it, though" Ok, in this one, I think you have 'them' and 'they' misplaced. As a subject, an outward group becomes they, rather than them. 'Them' is used for an outward group as an object. (I learned this one fairly recently, but I am kind of restating it from when I heard it in German class. Oddly, I am learning more about Englsih as I take that class...)
" It makes your body to shiver" VEry easy, the 'to' is not necessary. BUT you could keep it IF you changed 'makes' to 'causes'. (Causes sounds better, and more official.)
"Since you’re a Freedom Fighters, I " In this one, you could do it a few ways. A. You could drop the 's' at the end of 'Freedom Fighters', making it a 'Freedom Fighter', as that is a singular, OR, B. You could drop 'a', and replace it with 'apart of the' maknig it 'apart of the Freed Fighters'. But it cannto stay the same.
"“You’re a clever girl, don’t you?”" Simple. Don't should be 'aren't', as don't (do not,) is in the act of doing something, and, thoguh she IS being clever, it doesn't apply to the sentence, as Shadow is calling her something, and to BE something, (are not,) or in this case, questioning is she isn't something, is more appropriate. (Sorry for the cheesy discription. I am VERY tired right now...)
It is a VERY sweet story, and I SERIOUSLY think I'm going to start saying 'cluster fuck' in school from now on, it is a good, friendly word. :D
I REALLY hope Cosmo lives though... that would be a happy moment for me.
(FYI: When I read a REALLY good story, [one that makes me angry, sad, or VERY emotionally moved,] I start to ammend it, making it 'RIGHT' [by my book] by adding in my character, XT-421, and maknig it a happy story. I did that in the fight scene between Shadow and Tails, so, congratulations. This is REALLY well written.