|Reviews for Naruhina oneshot 'adventures' at a storage room|
| Mad M0xxi chapter 1 . 12/8/2015
First of all, I'd just like to say that if you've come here to see reviews to see if it's worth a read, I definitely recommend the story. It's well-written, and quite charming.
Spoilers ahead, the rest is (in general) meant as feedback for the author.
At first I was like "Mega OOC Naruto?" and then things were explained.
To be honest, I felt that the beginnings of this relationship could have been placed under the spotlight at least a little. The timeline itself is murky as well. Kind of hard to get a good picture not knowing when this takes place, nor how it's come to be in the first place.
Aside from that small note, characters were... well... in character. Hiashi just being done is great, and a nice middle ground from the usual "I'm gonna murder Uzumaki/I'm a total NaruHina fanboy" that he's typically depicted as. Naruto as a terrible flirt's pretty great. Hinata's acceptably shy and not "Oh man we started dating so suddenly I don't ever stutter or be nervous."
Also, RIP Hanabi's innocence.
Also, I'm kinda glad you chickened out on a lemon. I know a lot of authors go by the logic that, as shinobi, they don't know when they could end up dead or what tomorrow will bring, and use that to progress things really fast, but I really do feel like four months would be a little early for sex, especially given Hinata's natural timidity. It also flowed better with making fun of Hiashi for jumping to conclusions. That whole section really would have been all for naught if they'd gone through with it, and I feel the story would have turned out less desirable in the end.
Writing was nice. Could do to remember at some points that when a new person speaks, it's typically better to create a new paragraph to reduce confusion. Caps can be your friends, but they don't necessarily relate to shouting. Exclamation marks and the mention of said shouting typically get the point across just fine.
Small criticisms, and some things are just differences in tastes on how to write. Take what you will, I truly enjoyed the story.
| ranbo neal chapter 1 . 8/5/2012
Sweet short story...cute!
| Reader chapter 1 . 7/12/2012
Its so funny, swt nd romantic.. ;) :D
| Swimgirl28 chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
Funny, funny, funny! :D
| Centerpoint108 chapter 1 . 1/24/2010
OH the mental manipulation!
| AnimexFreakz 0.o chapter 1 . 1/21/2010
HE GOT SO MAD OVER NOTHING! LOL! HAHAHAHAHA! Goshies your funny hahahaha, like your other stories this one is a keeper! Hinata was the one to make him start doing pranks again? Still the ending was so funny! and Hanabi-chan was so shocked it was so funny! oh goshies... I finally stoped laughing... SO Naruto-kun had to say "i love you" for Hinata-chan to say "i love you too" .~
- kitty .
| Apex Soldier chapter 1 . 6/13/2009
Man, there was no need for a lemon..
With both of them half naked, it was already lime flavored..
Either way, it is a really good story...
| MistyMegan chapter 1 . 4/27/2009
DUDE! this story rocked! *gives u the lee thumbs up*
great job! _
| dnomy chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
Hiashi is taking this really harshly but what will Neji say?
| SilentSinger948 chapter 1 . 11/25/2008
That was excellent. You did an extraordinary job.
| PhinalPhantasy chapter 1 . 11/19/2008
:) Very well done I enjoyed it.
| Andromeda14614 chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
I loved it! great story! very funny on hiashis part XD
| Narutoxhinata109 chapter 1 . 11/16/2008
Omg!You should have done the lemon your a great writer...and I'ma little pervert, but other than that IT WAS AWESOME!
| CyberPony chapter 1 . 11/15/2008
hey nice chap you got an awesome writing style keep it up! too bad you chickened the lemon but... you know... there is always editing! lol!
| Bite The Dust chapter 1 . 11/15/2008
WOW. . . You have a sick mind