|Reviews for What if?|
| Gananimal chapter 6 . 5/24/2012
Awww short but sweet, I love that ending even in his fifties Dean still looks after his brother.
| moonligtinparadise chapter 6 . 1/22/2012
Oh, Wow! Great ending!:D
| cold kagome chapter 6 . 12/3/2010
HAHAHHA OMG I LOVE IT.. READ ALL THE CHAPTER..AWWWW
LOVE THE ENDING PART KINDA WAS SAD.. AWWWWWE... P.P
| Chevy95 chapter 6 . 8/16/2009
Hilarious, I'll never get tired of reading this story.
"Now if he could just keep Dean from finding out about all those fan fiction sites." So true.
| shagalecki chapter 6 . 5/17/2009
Oh just came across this. Made me laugh so much lol Loved it and was sweet too, the ending XD
| Katiki chapter 6 . 1/13/2009
Very clever and amusing. I love the idea that Kripke based the show on two real hunters who saved him as kids. I could just see the Real Life Dean being ticked off by all the things he complained about, yet kinda tickled too-and streetwise enough to squeeze a money-making gig out of it. I bet Dean would LOVE to be tech advisor on a show. Several parts made me giggle and this line made me laugh out loud:
"Now if he could just keep Dean from finding out about all those fan fiction sites."
I just have one note to offer, and it's just a minor formatting issue. It can become confusing in the dialogue to tell who is saying what, and I had to stop a few times to puzzle it out.
Of course when two people are going back and forth you can stop with the "Dean said" and "Sam said," but the back and forth needs to remain clear, with line breaks separating the two speakers and telling the reader when it switches from one character to the other.
For example, if you put in a line of dialogue spoken by Sam, then add something about Dean on the very same line, it can seem like at first glance Dean is speaking. So this...
“Reign in the ego. Just sayin’.” Dean stopped, faced Sam.
...would be clearer if it were broken up into two lines so we immediately know the first line is something said by Sam, and the second is something done by Dean, like this:
“Reign in the ego. Just sayin’.”
Dean stopped, faced Sam.
Also, if Dean says something, then you break the quote to add in a description or action, and then Dean says something else, it's confusing if you put the second quote on a second line, because the mind thinks the line break signifies Sam is now speaking. So this...
“Son-of-a-Bitch! What’s wrong with you?” Dean stands looking flabbergasted in the doorway.
“Are you insane?”
...would be less confusing without a line break, so we immediately know Dean is still speaking, like this:
“Son-of-a-Bitch! What’s wrong with you?” Dean stands looking flabbergasted in the doorway. “Are you insane?”
In a nutshell: Same character, same line. Change character, change lines.
And this is a very, very minor formatting detail, but while I'm at it: if you add a "he said" after, the quote should end with a comma (or question or exclamation mark) and the "he said" should start with a lower-case letter. So this...
“Can I help you?” The man behind the desk asked clearly irritated.
...would be clearer like this:
“Can I help you?” the man behind the desk asked, clearly irritated.
“Can I help you?” The man behind the desk was clearly irritated.
Because of the upper case letter, I was expecting a separate sentence like in the second example, rather than an attribution to the quote, so I read it with the wrong inflection in my head and had to go back and read it again to get it.
These visual cues change how you read something, and if you get the wrong cue, it derails you for a split second. Like I said, it's very minor, and certainly didn't stop me from enjoying your story. But seeing as you said in the fanfic thread you were up for concrit, I thought I'd point it out, as the right cues would make for a smoother ride.
Anyway, hope that helped. (If my explanation wasn't clear, you can always just pick up a novel and look at how they format dialogue.)
Thanks for the laughs!
| necro omen13 chapter 6 . 1/7/2009
YES! You did it !
I love Dean's innocent question: "What's slash?" LOL That question will easily make a knowledgable fangirl giggle.
But, come on Sammy! The poor laptop. Are we writers really THAT evil?
...Okay, so we are. XD
| janet1982 chapter 6 . 1/5/2009
i got to say, this was hillarius:):)
| jasper03 chapter 5 . 12/28/2008
so enjoyed this! however will sam keep dean away from fan fiction? it is impossible!
| MadameLupin chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
This made me laugh out loud for a good ten minutes it seemed. Oh, priceless. And strangely makes sense.
| sylia91 chapter 5 . 12/26/2008
Loved that they ran into J&J at the end. Are you going to have them check the fanfiction out now. I'd like to see Dean's reaction to wincest, ha,ha!
| PlatinumRoseLady chapter 5 . 12/24/2008
This was beyond the Valley of the AWESOME!
Much yayness to you!
| Fhaydel chapter 5 . 12/24/2008
O my god, LOL. Please write a fic about Dean finding out about fan fiction sites.
| necro omen13 chapter 5 . 12/23/2008
Don't do that Sam, we WANT Dean to find the fanfiction sites...*hint hint*
| montez chapter 5 . 12/23/2008
Still kicking A## in their fifties!