|Reviews for Artificial Iniquitous|
| MikariStar chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
this is awesome so far! looking forward to more!
| Unchecked account chapter 1 . 10/1/2009
I'm posting this review because I did read your work in sheer awe, but there are a few things I think that are missing in this chapter. Important, exclusive stuff. I have considered the possibility that you may want to introduce them later into the story, but I should tell you what they were.
One: Why is Zed in the Hangar? How did he get there? What brought him?
Two: There was no reference to Turbokat's programming becoming operational, never minding Jake's Mad scientist act. It did well to creep Chance out. A small reference to it would have done better against confusing poor, brain dead readers.
Three: I have no idea what our mechanical genius did to the jet, apart from giving it an artificial personality.
Four: What was left of Zed that could take over the programming of the best jet of Kat Kind? There were only pieces left of him. Brilliant though an invention he was, no regenerative ability had been displayed. Some description often works wonders for the readers, keeping them hooked and grounded.
Five: Who knew Jake instilled the TurboKat with knowledge and lots of secrets?
I think I'm done pointing errors. Now, on to some appraisal.
Well written, original plot. I don't go around picking spelling errors in works, because I've become familiar with the American spellings, even after following British ones.
You have a nice flow of the story, which many authors lack, making the readers give up. Just the jump transition from one scene to another is jarring on the first read. Later it ebbs.
I got a smile out of the whole ordeal, even though I wanted to read more. (I didn't get the Igor reference, at all. I'm an idiot.)
As an anime author and and avid fanfiction reader, I know how authors tend to unconsciously move the character's personality to something else. So congratulations to you for managing to keep all your characters in line.
Felina has a bigger role than shooting random stuff out of the sky. That's a really good thing. At least Felina has a bit more personality than her stubborn nature.
...I've read my whole review over, and I think I made it sound like a flame. It's not. It's honest reviewing, which you can very well ignore. Best of luck for the next chapters.
(my brother shut my systems down when I was typing this up. But Firefox exceeded my expectations and returned my whole review, word to word. 3 Thank you Firey. I wouldn't have the strength to write this again.)
Hm. This review lacked my usual sarcasm, but I'm rather pleased with the end result. Kudos to you and your work. Wishing you luck.
| spectre chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
The 'mad scientist conversation' scene has what's gotta be some of the best dialogue I've read anywhere in months!
Many thanks for the smiles.
This has needs to be finished.
| Black Oracle chapter 1 . 3/29/2009
The Turbokat with a mind of its own? Very interesting indeed...
The progress of Dr. Greenbox seems to be a good continuation of the "Unlikely Alloys" epsiode. And it was great reading Jake's and Chance's humorous lines too.
| Exo-Toxicimpulse chapter 1 . 12/2/2008
whoa that funny *rofl* great job its very intrestin.. T-bone always talks 2 their jet this is his chance 2 talk 2 (her) i remember 1 eps it blew up he was sad 4 it cuute hope u continue can't wait X3
| shadewatcher chapter 1 . 11/29/2008
cool having IA for T-Kat, not so cool having Zed take over said IA. lol i could almost see the look on Chances face when she first spoke. lol surprised he didn't faint.
| ULYFERAL chapter 1 . 11/27/2008
Wow! This is cool! Sorry I didn't have time to look at it till now. I love the cliff hanger too! Way to go! Can't wait for more.
| Cody Furlong chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
Awesome idea! I can hardly wait to see what happens next.
| gunslinger01 chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
i think this is actually the first time i've read a story that based off something the SWAT Kats found in the salvage yard
| Kristen Sharpe chapter 1 . 11/21/2008
I know you already know this, but I have to say it again - I love this fic! The idea is great and your interactions between the Boys are sheer genius. Hilarious, demented genius, but genius all the same. I still haven't decided which is funnier - Jake's mad scientist routine or Chance's scream. At any rate, can't wait for the rest!