|Reviews for Contract|
| Guest chapter 24 . 4/10/2013
Type your review for this chapter here...
| MinxyKatt chapter 54 . 4/3/2013
Back to to tell you your ending may have fallen VERY short but it was delightful to read of such pleasantries :)
Well done on completing this fic
| MinxyKatt chapter 53 . 4/3/2013
This is my review before I read the last two chapters, so if anything I say here is cleared up those in two chapters (doubtful) I'll write another review.
First off. I just read Surrender by SnapeRulesMaraudersDrool and I find your stories and flows of your stories are VERY similar...almost exactly the same expect in Surrender everything is dealt with within 29 chapters. I don't know you're aware of this or if one of you used the other's plot or what - so many details are the same, even some of the mistakes like instead of 'and' its written 'ad' or instead of 'being' its written 'been'
Which bring me to point number 2. The reason I wish to no longer read any further is because your grammar and spelling are often time so unbearable I find it hard to see past it and read what the words are actually telling me. If I were you I would get a beta, edit this story and repost it cause its REALLY good - honestly I'm only giving my critique on this because I see the potential in this story and really want others to enjoy it - by the number of reviews that would be a problem I see but it would still be great if you'd the reading enjoyment of other future readers.
Now to comment on 3rd aspect: the pace (before I give you your justified praises.) In the beginning of the story you really did a good job in setting a steady flow of how things were moving along between Harry and Lucius but I feel after the second asylum visit after Harry was found cutting himself, you sped things up almost as if you wished to hurry the story along and just reach the end. Unfortunately this makes the story fall short and ruins the element of reality that you previously had going within the story. I understand that its fiction but with the darkness, trials and troubles Harry's undergone some aspect of reasonable time flow should be accounted for him to heal. I think the change between Harry being depressed and scared of Lucius to the time he was willing to sleep with him moved VERY quickly regardless of how his therapy sessions went.
And lastly, but definitely not least, your praises. I must commend you for sticking to such a tough theme to write and I understand it must have been hard to write such a dark fic (it makes the rushed end seem justified) Lucius was my best character is this because of his twisted logic and refusal to understand that his norms are not the norms of society - he made for an interesting plot-bunny and I think you executed him well. The only thing I wish we were able to see was how his therapy was handled and exactly what aspects of his life he fixed/altered to allow Harry to forgive him.
Severus also ended up being on of my favourite characters but on the opposite reason scale. I felt he was the perfect third father to Harry because he saw and understood reason and showed such a great caring streak for Harry. I felt bad for Harry throughout this fic, bust especially in the beginning because I too felt his father's had betrayed him in such a mortifying way. Thus having Severus there to help and guide and nurture Harry made me feel comforted and a little more at ease with the situation (not entirely but somewhat)
I truly appreciated the scenes where Harry and Lucius were becoming familiar with each other, especially during their trip to Thailand. Those scenes held such promise to a fluffy story - until things went horribly wrong of course. I like that you brought some semblance of a normal life in there for Harry, cause it kind of explained why he was becoming ok with things and that made me happy - if only briefly.
I wish things didn't have to take a turn for the worst but I'm also glad they did because I won't lie, even at those happy points, I felt that so much about Harry and his past had not been directly confronted and though it had to go through that route to get the point where it was, I'm glad that you did.
This story has the potential to be amazing and even if you don't use this information to fix this one up (because I understand that its long and that its finished) but hopefully it willl be useful for your future fics.
I'm gonna carry on reading this to the end.
PS. Excuse any spelling grammar mistakes, my phone is not in its bets working condition at the moment
| The arithmancer chapter 54 . 3/31/2013
Omg that was a really hard story to read, I found it overwhelming emotionally and, whilst I'm glad I read it, it's impact on my emotional and mental health means I don't think I could ever read it again. Impressive writing, but I think it needs more warnings about rape and depression.
| lunaz chapter 10 . 2/21/2013
Sorry I forgot to say though I did not like the story I thought you wrote very well.
| lunaz chapter 10 . 2/19/2013
I am sorry this story is so idiotic. Harry was sold to this ped and now he is worried about his so called dads. Sorry all of the adults in this story should be charged with child abuse and slavery charges.
| Kat chapter 54 . 12/12/2012
I have read your story and can't help but hate it. What parent sells their child, only to have another. They would never do that to their daughter. They made Harry a slave to a man who was a murder. Also Lucius is a ped. He's only 15. Sorry!
| Nika Hino chapter 54 . 10/19/2012
Loved it; This was a hard story to read, but it had to be a hard story to write; such a hard topic to approach. As much as I would have liked a child abuse warning, I am glad you did not give it. I would not have read the story and I would have missed out on a great story.
I would have love to have gotten a chapter that actual showed the growth between the two and not just they had gotten close over the past months before they snogged and moved to the bedroom.
The baby's name, Jaclyn Iris Malfoy-the initials J.I.M. is an nick name for James. Don't know if you did it on purpose (I am sure you did).
Only bad critique, grammar/typos and syntax, but that was easily overlooked because of the actual story, overall flow, and descriptive writing. Total score 9.6/10. (I don't know why I want to give it a numeral score.)
| gojyo-lover20 chapter 7 . 9/15/2012
you should put a warning at the beginning or in the summary about the sexual abuse. It is annoying to get caught up in the story just to stop.
| Sanity and Katlin chapter 54 . 7/13/2012
I cried so much reading this story, but it was soo good! I'm glad Harry and Lucius got a happy ending even if I did become pissed at Lucius quite a few times while reading.
PS Love Jaclyn's name
| hydrogen cyanide chapter 1 . 4/14/2012
This was heartbreaking and frustrating in so many places, but a thoroughly good read. I do love me a good bit of angst. But I felt it did need some warnings, if not at the start or summary of the story then at the headings of the chapters. But all in all kudos to you. x
| Blue-Eyed Chica chapter 54 . 4/10/2012
awwww love it!1
| Bippy Imp chapter 45 . 2/5/2012
This story is wonderfully written and has good strong characters. Unfortunately I am unable to continue reading this. It triggers bad impulses. I would recomend that you put a warning in the summary. I also have to congradulate you on your great insight on what a suicidal person would feel upon coming out of the hospital. Kudos
| dreamjanus chapter 45 . 12/26/2011
Even with the authors note on the previous chapter about not knowing much about mental health, you really needed to research Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar (Manic/Depressive) Disorder. Harry has not shown signs of either...He is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Major Depressive. The PTSD from the rape, attempted rape, being locked up and the other abuses. Major Depressive for his feelings about having to live with Lucius Malfoy and the behavior of his friends and supposed family.
I can speak on the subject as I have two of the four conditions and know several people with the others.
| Crystal chapter 44 . 11/26/2011
This chapter was by far the hardest for me to read. I was locked up in a psychiatric ward for over three weeks. I had tried to off myself so my mother thought it best to have me "voluntarily" locked up for a while. It helped a lot and I am anxiously waiting to see if it will help Harry. Great work and a fabulous story so far.
PS: it is also standard procedure in the United States for a person to be admitted for a 72 hour observation if they are believed to be a danger to themselves. After three days the paitent is reviewed and they are either allowed to leave if they are determined well or kept for an extended stay if they are not showing progress.