|Reviews for The Promise|
| Guest chapter 25 . 10/29/2016
This is so beautiful I can't stop crying!
| Keylena17 chapter 22 . 10/26/2016
I liked your story for the most part, good job at rising emotion out of me as not many stories do anymore. This one has me pissed. I'm going to keep reading in hopes that several people either die or get what coming to them.
| Cartlin chapter 19 . 9/25/2016
Fucking Remus. So he carelessly made the situation 10xs more dangerous, further endangered the child he claims he's trying to protect, and made it so Sirius will had to rescue HIM instead of the innocent, terrified child. My disgust with Remus grows by the chapter. What a useless excuse for a friend.
| Cartlin chapter 18 . 9/25/2016
Remus is such a bastard. An arrogant, weak minded bastard who is too stupid to actually THINK for himself apparently. Now he's let a little boy run off into the freezing cold, and he's more concerned about Sirius than he is Harry. Remus shouldn't be allowed NEAR Harry if those were his priorities in that moment.
| Cartlin chapter 17 . 9/25/2016
...that isn't how Floo works. The fireplace has to be hooked up in the first place, and I sincerely doubt Sirius' paranoid Uncle would have an open Floo network connection. If it was really that easy, why wouldn't Remus have done this in the first place? It just doesn't make sense.
| Cartlin chapter 9 . 9/25/2016
Remus is such a bastard. Never questioned the lack of trial, never once tried to write to Harry or make sure he was safe. One of Dumbledore's little sycophants, believing everything the lying bastard told him.
| Guest chapter 8 . 9/18/2016
Thank you for beating the crap out of the fur sky's. They sevely deserved that.
| Guest chapter 7 . 9/18/2016
Go Sirius! You are a wonderful human being. Has anyone ever told you that?
| Zoha Ven chapter 25 . 9/11/2016
AMAZING SO SO SO SO SO SO AMAZING!
No other words. Just, so amazing.
| Nami Kiryu chapter 8 . 8/21/2016
What happened with the punctuation? The ,,Words" thing is beyond distracting. There are some other mistakes that also should be fixed.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 25 . 7/12/2016
I like the premise of a "wizard's oath" creating a special bond that implements the oath. It makes a lot more sense than the "mother's sacrifice" claptrap that JKR foisted off on us. Mostly though, your story left me feeling frustrated by stylistic concerns.
I did not enjoy how overly dramatic and unrealistic the story was. You could have, and should have, edited down significantly the paragraph after paragraph of ruminating and reminiscing that impeded the flow of the action. I was frequently bored by the ever-so-predictable delaying tactics, rehashing so many old memories before every action scene. You took the story from drama and angst to melodrama and tying-to-train-tracks silliness. But it didn't feel like it was deliberately being melodramatic. Clearly you intended us to take the story seriously.
At times the story took very unrealistic turns, like when Remus just happens to find Sirius at the very first village fair he attends and he just happens to guess the Floo address of Alphard's cabin on the first try, which it shouldn't have in the first place because it's supposedly unregistered. And then, of course, Remus jumps the gun and doesn't wait for Dumbledore or the Aurors for no good reason except the author's need to advance the plot. I can imagine a different story where Remus has much more trouble tracking Harry and Sirius and falls into the lake all alone, in the dark. It would be much more thematic to have Sirius save Remus because of a prior wizard's oath they made as Marauders.
Contrary to your assertion, Sirius did not have to sign the confession for dramatic purposes, he just had to be convinced that the prosecutors would once again ignore proper legal procedure and hand him over to the Dementors without a trial. A taunting warning from a guard or Lucius Malfoy would have done the job. It's not really high drama when you're audience is sitting there cringing that it's so obvious that the main character is going to push a big red button marked "Kick Me, I'm Stupid". That's sitcom comedy. What's high drama is to reveal that there's a powerful character motivated to seeing that the hero's life is snuffed and is greasing the wheels of justice to see that he gets his way. Malfoy has such a motivation, since with Sirius out of the way the only male that stands to inherit the Black fortune is his son Draco.
Also contrary to your assertion, it is not realistic to forgo a trial just because the prosecution has a signed confession. The defendant has to plead guilty or no contest before a judge. The confession has to be adjudicated as evidence. I had hoped that since you say you are a lawyer that we'd see some much more realistic court procedure than JKR was able to manage. I was sadly disappointed.
It was all too easy for Harry to get the adults to take him to Sirius, only a couple of hours of persistent hysteria. I'm sure he had watched Dudley do as much for some toy he wanted. It should have taken several days of a hunger strike, etc. to get them to agree that Harry would not tolerate the Weasleys as his host family and that he was worried sick over Sirius.
The chapter titles when strung together made a vow that was much too wordy. It was a bit of cleverness that just didn't work in that context.
I tried to ignore the awkward wordings and usages and strange comma quotes and didn't point out most of the errors that you made as a non-native speaker of English, but it would be an improvement to get someone who's a native speaker to help you eradicate the many errors.
Sorry this is a pan review. This should have been, could have been, a great story. But you need honest people to tell you what's wrong with it.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 23 . 7/12/2016
"Harry silently cried himself to sleep that night as well." Surely Harry knows that he has to make at least as big a fuss as Dudley ever did in order to get Sirius back. He can't just trust that people he doesn't know and don't know Sirius will do what he wants without lots and lots of persuasion on his part that he won't settle for anything else.
MacNair is not in the DoM. He's an executioner in the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures.
It's most annoying to get to a really climactic part of the story and then the author goes off on a totally useless tangent where some other character starts reminiscing for what seems like pages and pages. It's just too obvious that the author is trying to drag out the story as long as possible.
It's also most annoying when a character goes and does something really really really stupid like believe a police interrogator and sign a false confession. Knowing that Harry was placed with the Dursleys and could still be placed back there, would he have really believed that he could trust the interrogator? Of course not! He would have known that the only way to ensure that Harry didn't go back there was for himself to stay alive, and the only way to do that was to get a fair trial, and the only way to do that was to not sign anything before he got into the courtroom.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 22 . 7/12/2016
Heh? If a cabin near a lake surrounded by woods and an hour's walk from the nearest village isn't rural then I don't know what is!
The Weasleys really aren't the best family to place a boy who's been isolated for most of his life. It would be completely overwhelming to be thrust into a home with nine other people, most of whom are loud, rambunctious and argumentative. If I were writing, Harry would be either completely catatonic or throwing monkey shit.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 21 . 7/12/2016
Why did you say "You've stunned him" when he's wide awake, just immobilized with Petrificus Totalus? Stunned means you're unconscious.
I think I would have Harry go on a hunger strike at this point until he got Sirius back. That would light a fire under the butts of the adults.
| GodricGeoffreyGryffindor chapter 18 . 7/12/2016
Remus you liar! No, you haven't sent Albus a message about where they are.