|Reviews for Mindscape|
| Krusher chapter 2 . 2/17
this is just yuck
| werepirechick chapter 10 . 2/4/2015
Ah yes, a good ending to this.
Glad everything worked out, and the part with accepting Instinct? Perf, Instinct deserved it.
| werepirechick chapter 5 . 2/4/2015
Oh my god between the lions was my childhood!
How could i not get that reference! - v -
| TheBookNerd323 chapter 7 . 8/3/2014
Dang, you're pretty good. Not only the writing but the concept of his "primals". Interesting and very clever
| Guest chapter 2 . 5/12/2013
wow. I really like the way how you set up the whole primal thing
| Daniel1996 chapter 10 . 4/13/2013
| VERO ASSASSIN FOR SHINIGAMI chapter 10 . 12/2/2012
i loved this story!
| Curse you Perry the Platypus chapter 5 . 10/19/2012
Of course the lions den. I watched that on PBS all the time
| Dusk Dreaming chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
Hi! I have a huge Psych report due tomorrow which I haven't started. So naturally I was sifting through ffdotnet looking for gold amongst the gravel, when I stumbled across your profile. You look like someone with original ideas who can actually write, so I'm excited. I'm going to check out all your work as time permits, but I'm starting with this.
I find most stories which focus on romance pretty boring. I don't know, most people just don't write them very convincingly. (Well-written romance, on the other hand, sets my pants on fire.) But this looks promising. If there's action and intrigue involved, and more than people just sighing and staring into each other's eyes, it'll keep me happy. Also the Beast Within was probably my favourite Beast Boy episode and it was crackling with sexual tension between Raven and Beast Boy, so I think you can explore their characters and relationship in an interesting way.
I like that you referenced Beast Boy's hatred of doctors. I'm interested to see where you go with this. Please keep writing. You're definitely one of the better writers I've seen. Sadly people who write original interesting stories don't get as many reviews as those who write boring formulaic stuff.
| Guest chapter 5 . 8/13/2012
between the lions?
| lucas chapter 4 . 4/2/2012
what the f*** is wrong with beast boys thats just wrong putting him in stars clothes UGH.
| ClockShock chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
I was interested enough to read through the whole thing, despite knowing very little about the franchise. This i consider a good thing.
You've obviously got a good idea of what you want to happen and when, but at the moment that's all you are showing in the story.
There's a lot of room to describe how your characters feel, or what impressions they're getting from the scene.
Consider when Raven is crushed, what is Beast Boy thinking at this point? You've described his physical actions and from that we can see his concern (fear, pain), but this is an excellent opportunity to go deeper.
Describe how Beast Boy feels as he witnesses this. Does a pit open up in his stomach as he fears something precious might have suddenly been lost? Or perhaps his transformation has already started and his skin is starting to itch as an almost primeval rage begins to cascade through him.
Similarly, when Raven feels that there's something different with the beast's mind, it would help we the reader if we could also experience this feeling. How is she probing his mind and how does it feel different?
By going into more depth here, we can better understand that something is wrong. Instead of just taking Raven's work for it.
I also wanted to note that your dialogue (and lead into / out of) reads fine. If you're anything like me you feel odd writing 'so-and-so asked' or 'said such-and-such', but you've not over or underused these.
| Babyuknowme13 chapter 10 . 7/26/2011
Dude, I love this story! I wish someone had thought to do this kind of fic before, it's awesome!
| Allon Marton chapter 10 . 3/28/2011
Well I must say I really enjoyed this story.I'm actually a little surprised how much I enjoyed it I usually read longer stories myself but this quite well written I thank you for posting it and look forward to a sequel.
| theredrobin chapter 10 . 3/1/2011
Hey, Jancro. Congratulations on finishing your story!
I really like that you used the parallel of having them back outside of the Tower skipping rocks on the water. And I LOVE this line two seconds into their serious conversation: "Since about three hours after I met you." His little babbling attempt at an explanation is so in character and it sounds right; impulsive and fervently eager Beast Boy.
Raven's expression of her feelings is well-handled too. Not overly sappy (something, as you know, I can't quite avoid) but it gets the point across very clearly, like she likes him in spite of herself, but not really. The way she asked him out is priceless.
All in all a great piece. Nicely done.
A Happy (very) Belated Valentine's Day to you too!