Reviews for Irrevocable
zz9pzza chapter 10 . 11/7/2010
Thank you , I enjoyed that. Now off to read the sequel
QuixoticQuest chapter 10 . 8/17/2009
Ouch. That's what I'd say. Kit has it rough, no doubt about that.

Well, overall it's a good story, I look forward to reading the sequel. A few things to note first:

1. You do have some spelling and grammar errors- first of which is the one I noticed the most "Your" is not the same as "You're" (which is the shorthand for "You are" that's why there's an apostrophe in between.

2. Your time jumps are fine, but you could use some zero scenes as filler, though zero scenes are typically a no-no for using frequently, you can you use them on occassion and seeing your style of writing (which gets right to the center of the action- which is fine) you could use one or two zero scenes per chapter.

3. Try not to use "you" as much in your writing, it's so much stronger without it.

I kind of beta-edited your story, but I meant all of that in a constructive way.

I look forward to reading the sequel.

All the best,

-Don "QuixoticQuest" _
QuixoticQuest chapter 9 . 8/17/2009
Aw, yeah! Go Nita, kick Gwen's butt! Though it sucks that she had to turn herself into a weapon. I really feel bad for Kit. Headaches, being manipulated, and now Nita's in deep dung.

Hoo boy, this is intense.

Best,

-Don "QuixoticQuest"
QuixoticQuest chapter 8 . 8/17/2009
Drama, drama, drama. I love it.

Yup, I thought you were going to go into the losing of the self, it's a very logical course to take because that's something all teens deal with one some level (which gives you a good amount of realism in your story as well as fantasy). All of this I like by the way. I think everyone loses themself at some point, though I'm not sure we have the same extent as Nita.

Bravo!

-Don "QuixoticQuest" _
QuixoticQuest chapter 7 . 8/17/2009
Definitely dark and Nita seeing herself in Gwen is also interesting. Maybe a tad heavy, but good nonetheless. I think you could do with a bit more internal dialogue between Nita and herself or just thoughts from her in general, because if I'm correct in seeing where you're going with this, it might help to flesh out the ideas you're getting across.

Until the next chapter,

-Don "QuixoticQuest" _
QuixoticQuest chapter 5 . 8/17/2009
Yup, trouble. Gwen smelled like something off (not literally of course) from the moment you introduced her character. You did a nice job not going overboard on the "Gwen is evil" thing from the start, it's more subtle which is the best for this type of story.

Also you don't go too much into the physical on the dock scene which works well with the fact that Gwen is a dark type wizard.

Nice chapter,

-Don "QuixoticQuest"
QuixoticQuest chapter 4 . 8/17/2009
One word: Intense. This takes a dark turn, not that I'm complaining, I like a little dark mixed in to amp up the drama.

I'll leave you a more in detail review towards the end, for now I'm making minor comments on each chapter.

That's how I roll (maki). Ha, ha.

-Don "Quixotic Quest" _
QuixoticQuest chapter 3 . 8/17/2009
Oh, boy. I smell trouble, Nita is going to be pissed about Gwen (in the only way Nita can be- not a good idea to make a wizard mad- at least that's my opinion- not spoken from experience by the way). Ha, ha.

Nice post. _

-Don "QuixoticQuest"
Hitomi-chanchan chapter 10 . 7/30/2009
(sobbing, and clapping) holy crap! THAT WAS SO GOOD! (sobbing) omigosh!
Emily chapter 10 . 7/7/2009
AH! While I understand Nita's reasons, I still wish you hadn't killed her off! I cannot believe you! Where do you keep your pencils? AH! AH! AH!

You will write that sequel, and then you will post it, and then I will be happy and give you your pencils back and not stab you with them!

P.S. This was a very good story. I was hooked.
Emily chapter 9 . 7/7/2009
Yay! Go Nita! I was wrong- I thought Gwen was an aspect of the Lone Power- but in a way, she was part of him... kinda... so I was close! Yay!
Emily chapter 8 . 7/7/2009
Poor Nita. Poor Kit. Hooray, Dairine! The theory still fits...
Emily chapter 7 . 7/7/2009
It still fits... :/

That is my face; it is wrought with concentration.

Please do strangle Gwen with your mouse cord. It could only do her good! : )
Emily chapter 6 . 7/7/2009
Yes, this fits with my theory... now to see if the next chapter does... : )
Emily chapter 4 . 7/7/2009
Wow, that IS a cliffie! I'm moving on now, I must read more, although I am already forming my suspicions about Gwen!
38 | Page 1 .. Last Next »