|Reviews for Iceman|
| d-boyz chapter 14 . 2/13
Really nice story
| Asahar4 chapter 14 . 6/5/2014
holding back manly tears... and fail
good job author
heroes dies smiling
| ArcherShirou chapter 1 . 4/2/2014
the deaths of Algus was perfect,he deserves that and much more
| Jonuts chapter 2 . 2/4/2014
Poor Rad, he gets no respect. I can't help but feel that if he ever had a chance to speak on his own behalf, he'd sound a great deal like Rodney Dangerfield.
| Elly3981 chapter 14 . 10/18/2013
Wow, this is certainly one of the most interesting AU fics I've ever read; I often wondered how Ramza would have turned out if it was Alma instead of Teta who died at Fort Zeakden and you portrayed him very well.
| Northlane chapter 11 . 8/8/2013
I hate Rafa so fucking much. Mustadio gets unceremoniously butchered, but that bitch survives? Some of the turns in this fic really make me wonder why I even keep reading. I love your writing style, and the concept is interesting, but Jesus do I hate some of the characters. All the good ones are dying off. I half expected Agrias to die too. Thankfully she didnt. I can hope Rafa dies but I doubt it. And Delitas pansy-ass needs to get whooped too.
Aside from my (blatant and vehement) disregard for Rafa (and Alicia's annoying self), this has been wonderfully written, if not fulfilling so far.
| Uemei chapter 14 . 8/3/2013
I arrived at this fic thanks to a TV Tropes recommendation and while I'm generally impressed it ultimately disappointed me. I don't hate it by any means, there are chapters at a time that are wholly awesome, but that's kinda the problem since it makes the rough bits really stand out.
For example you very intentionally decided to attempt to leave game play physics/elements in the game in the form of the crystallization of the dead, and various descriptions of skills, which immediately causes the problem when Alma fails to undergo the process. Worse than that though is that when Ramza loses his hand it's an event that literally has no analogue in the source material you seemed to have been intentionally imitating, and only gets worse when you want to describe the battlefield after Battle of Fort Besselat, and have to stop and say to the reader, 'oh, uh, yeah it's all the blood that's stinking up the place, yeah the blood still remains!' I don't think anyone would have faulted you for choosing to overlook a game mechanic that's originally designed to prevent a battlefield from becoming impassable in favor of realism for a narrative.
That kind of unnaturally brings me to my next point of contention. The decision to have Ramza become a monk and then lose a hand when he tries a break technique against Folmarv is a brilliant reflection of the fact that Folmarv has the Safeguard ability equipped during the Rendezvous Missions #10: The Knights Templar!It's also really weird because of what you did with the Wiegraf fight earlier.
Presumably you had Ramza change Jobs as a disguise so that he would be an expert in unarmed combat when he had to rescue himself later in the story. Which is an even weirder choice because the black mage, and ninja jobs would better hide his face as you lamp-shaded in chapter 1 when describing Jasmine, assuming that you're not going to include the PSP exclusive dark knight job, which would have been even more thematic appropriate as the story progressed.
This gets even more sticky if you aren't already scowling at the monk plot device when it comes time to face Folmarv because anyone who's played the game knows you rush monk to unlock geomancer which has the best stat growth, and access to all the equipment slots. Worse still had he conveniently picked up the geomancer job Ramza would have had access to blind, or silence had he ambushed Folmarv in a desert or after a snow storm which are two of the only four status effects Folmarv is vulnerable too. Add to that the fact that you paired Ramza with Rapha, and the male geomancer outfit looks similar to the seer garb, and I really can't fathom why you didn't go ahead and make Ramza conveniently prepared a second time.
That's actually the biggest, and most consistent problem with your fic, you're constantly one foot in and one foot out. Instead of having the actual white mage, who has been trained as a white mage remove her piercing for the sake of the mission in Mullonde, and Ramza becoming a ninja, or dark knight which would have both reflected his total offense style of fighting, he has just conveniently learned how to be a monk when he needed it, but he couldn't have taken the next friggin' logical step latter on. Mullonde could have been a turning point for Ramza if his friends had had the opportunity to save him.
Likewise latter on when he, as Rapha says to us the reader, is doing what he knows is wretched crap to drive people away I think it was a huge missed opportunity to have him not cross the moral event horizon. Let's face it we all played the game we already know what Folmarv REALLY does when he's pressed for time when resurrecting Ultima. Wouldn't it have made more sense in light of Rapha's earlier revelation to have had Ramza step over that line in an otherwise no win scenario that, ya gotta admit, he kinda created for himself?
As I said before I don't hate this fic, I'm just annoyed that sometimes game mechanics are expressed literally, and sometimes they aren't. I'm disappointed that some times character drive plot, and at others plot drives characters. It feels a little like Phantom Menace in that respect.
I hope this critique is useful at all, and I do hope you keep writing. As for me, I'm going to try some of your other fic now.
| Akuma-Heika chapter 14 . 10/7/2012
Is Rafa pregnant with his child? Would like a piece of him to live on. You write great FFT stories. This one does depress me and I actually haven't read the chapters after 8 or so. Read up to that point a few months ago lost the window but probably still have the tab in my favorites folder somewhere.
When I was trying to find it I was having troubles. Some of the FFT stories I read I forgot to favorite on my FFnet account. Trying to find them all...having so so luck.
Thanks again for the FFT stories. Please write more! FFT is probably my favorite FF game of all time, but there are so few FF on it. The PSP port had problems, but I was just ecstatic I had a portable version to play! Thanks for your consideration and for your works!
PS: Perhaps you can make an epilogue for this?
PPS: Thank you Jeretarius!
| Yikari chapter 14 . 7/30/2012
A refreshing read, dear author! Thank you!
(And kudos to them folks at TVTropes too - it is really surprising what one can find wandering there).
| ByLanternLight chapter 14 . 4/15/2012
Adventure/Tragedy would be more appropriate I think. I came expecting a story about Delita and Ramza bonding over their sisters, and working together. After the first bit of the first chapter, I was hopeful- if Teta wasn't kidnapped, maybe no one would have to die! Then Ramza and Delita could work to change the system more openly, with less double cross shenanigans, and maybe Delita and Ovelia could have a happier ending. But Alma did die. I continued reading, comparing events to that of canon, and came to a horrific conclusion: Delita's happy ending wasn't worth everyone elses. In the end, Teta's life is simply worth less than Alma's. And that's terrible, but true. So congratulations on a work of heartrending evocation. 5/5.
| GameShy chapter 14 . 8/1/2011
Okay, I didn't feel like reviewing for every chapter, so here's my review overall:
I loved it. You're an extremely talented writer and instead of just telling what happened in the story, you showed your readers. I find that extremely hard to come by on fanfiction.
I also enjoyed the scenes filled with humor, as rare as they were. Although this story had a very dark and depressing mood (keep in mind, that isn't a bad thing), it brightened things up once in a while.
And the ending... It was extremely tragic and upsetting and it's one of those endings where someone thinks "Well shit, that's horrible," but they would never ask for it to be changed because it's what made the story so great. Well that, and I'm just a huge fan of tragic endings.
I'm very upset that Ramza and Rafa didn't get married and have 10 children or a chocobo farm or a happy ending, but the story was written so beautifully that I can't be angry at that.
Once again, lovely story. It was amazing, and I enjoyed every second of it.
| Blackmuse chapter 14 . 6/19/2011
| Caellach Tiger Eye chapter 14 . 2/21/2011
Am ... am I a freak? Because despite all the reviews I read for this story being so positive (mostly, with the others all mixed), and despite it being really well-written with quite a formula ... I just can't bring myself to like this fic very much. Not really. And the really strange thing? I actually confess to finding myself disliking the story more, and more, and more as it went on. While it never fell into hatred or actually being a really BAD fic ... I don't like it.
I'm not entirely sure why it is, but it may be the complete ANGST of the fic. When I decided to read this, I was intrigued by the summary, and the decision to still kill Alma in Teta's place was somewhat surprising - but not a story-breaker. No, I found it to be a good plot twist. I was thinking 'Interesting, now Ramza will be a darker, more edgier hero, and Delita will be a lot more sympathetic' ...
(Before I continue, may I ask WHY this isn't labelled as 'Tragedy'? Because I felt completely cheate; I feel that I, and everyone else, was duped into reading a Tragedy fic labelled as Adventure/Drama. Both genres DO count here, but neither is dominant over 'Tragedy', IMO.)
Anyway ... some nice twists were coming: Delita was nobler that Ramza, he left later on but still became a plotter of sorts; Ramza suddenly retaliated by killing Radd and warding away Gafgarion; Alicia dislikes him because of his coldness, that's fine, she doesn't know him that well; Lavian tries to be affectionate; Agrias tries to be understanding, etc.' All par the course, all interesting, all good - even if I didn't like certain things, I thought the story would work on them.
Slowly but surely, I felt things go downhill. Not sure when it is that I got this feeling. Maybe it was when Mustadio died such a pointless death (though I personally liked the reader-punch and felt it was impactful). Maybe it was when Malak was killed and Ramza forced Rafa to leave immediately (it felt like a complete contrivance, like it was just done so he wouldn't, ahem, 'accidentally' be revived and set this story on course). Or maybe Izlude's pointless death - I certainly didn't like how Ramza STILL responded so one-dimensionally to Meliadoul later on, nor her complete adamance to killing him thereafter (it made sense, but after her own realisation the whole thing felt flat.
However, I'm certain the point which REALLY set the story up for failure - in my eyes - was the deaths of Lavian and Knox.
Storywise, they were strong and effective as a moment, and they really turned things around. They were also NOT a senseless sacrifice, which was a nice change from ... well, just about EVERY sympathetic character death in the story. Good in theory and brilliant in execution, very effective ... and then the plot became derailed.
Everyone became, as TvTropes would put it, Flanderised thereafter. Alicia is one I'm particularly critical of here - just when it looked like she might be understanding Ramza better, like they might be friends, this event sends her right back and further (though understandably) to despising him. And everyone else was no better. Ramza himself showed no major response or remorse outwardly, which annoyed me to no end (I wanted to walk up, smack him and snap 'Yes, yes, your sister died, very sad - now grow a pair and DEAL ALREADY!') Agrias' path was pretty much the same as ever, though she was probably the most tolerable person from this point. Vector and Jasmine became extras who simply filled the party, their output less than before despite them growing from experience. Rafa ... oh god, while I liked her as a person, it annoyed me that she CLINGED so much - heck, she didn't seem to BLINK about the adultery, or anything! Basically, she became, to me, something of a Canon-Sue who couldn't do anything useful. Meliadoul was an afterthought party member.
And on the outside, it became also annoying. Teta had little-to-no impact on the plot besides being there to try and remind us that Delita isn't totally bad unlike canon (which didn't entirely work, since he still ended up killing off Mustadio and being so damn apathetic about so much here - hence losing his apparent early development). Ovelia was ... tolerable, but I didn't really care for her. And on Teta, again, I really felt something more could've been done with her since she'd survived in Alma's place - not necessarily the exact same thing, but it seemed like such a waste to reduce her to the Morality Pet who didn't do much except reassure Ovelia (it would've been interesting, for instance, if she met Ramza and they talked about the whole thing).
I think, though, that my issue is exactly what the point of this fic was (or what I think it was) from the start - that Ramza was always destined to fail. No matter what sort of good might happen, no matter the friendships and support some people tried to give (Agrias, Lavian, Rafa, etc.), no matter how many heroic things he did ... you had doomed him from the start. Everyone was out of their depth (reflected in losing so many battles during the plot), and any GENUINE character progression which could have happened (Know and Lavian's relationship, Alicia's opinion of him, Rafa finding a more meaningful comfort, Ramza actually LETTING PEOPLE IN, and even him, um, SMILING) was nipped at the bud completely before it even kicked off. The whole thing was a Shaggy Dog Story, with no genuine hope for Ramza until he actually died at last ... and I HATE that type of story! I HATE,HATE, HAAAATE those kinds of tales.
... Strangely enough, though, the story's tone fits in ... rather disturbingly well with the tone of FFT, as a darker and edgier take if not an entirely faithful one.
Now, do NOT mistake my meaning. I'm not saying this story wasn't good in the least - the drama was always very powerful, and the bloodbath was surprisingly effective. Also, the characters showed budding, distinct personalities, and many of their behaviours WERE realistic. Overall, a well-written and thought-out tale ... However ... well-written does not mean enjoyable. As I said, the more I read this, the less I liked and enjoyed it - though it wasn't until the last chapter (when Ramza drugged his friends and got himself killed, and I started to realise what I'd TRULY gotten myself into with this fic), I still realise what made this a fic I can't enjoy - the complete and total absence of any hope.
Don't get me wrong, as I'm not naturally inclined to hate on characters simply for Angst - maybe because I've got a unique worldview, or because of my different culture (I'm not American), or something, but I generally empathise with FF protagonists even if they're at their most angsty. Even if I want to hit them over the head, I can understand their problems aren;t easy to deal with...
... Except that here, they COULDN'T be dealt with. Ramza didn't show signs of genuine recovery until the very end, and it really feels like you pulled the whole DrivenToSuicide thing that I oh-so despise. Put simply - he was NEVER going to recover, because the sort of theme you chose said so.
Basically, everyone was doomed to fail (even Delita, who TRIED to be a better person), and as a result there was no hope. Ramza could only recover by dying - and thus he never really recovered at ALL, because he only smiled when he could see Alma (suddenly, Squall and Cloud and the others seem a LOT more mature, because at least they accepted their lot in life and changed eventually. Ramza, here, didn't). Nobody else had hope either, and I emphasised with the 'nipping of the bud' analogy.
And that, my friend, is why I could not like this story. I'm NOT an idealistic in real life, and I KNOW that things don't always get better or become perfect. What I am, however, is an optimist (or if nothing else, than a positivist). I have to believe - I have to CLING to the belief - that no matter how bad things get, no matter who dies or what may come, if people can actually mature, or grow, or actually THINK on their circumstances ... things can get better. Not like before, not perfect and not always BabiesEverAfter or I-will-let-go-of-my-pain better ... but better.
You story effectively killed that, I must admit. Your fic threatens to murder everything my ideology stands for as a person, by being so depressingly cynical and with no line of hope for those of us alive, that I can't even reread it ever lest I lose myself in the grimness. I only wish I'd realised what was happening earlier, so I wouldn't be so damn DRAWN into it. To be, the ending of this story is the BIGGEST sort of Downer Ending. Not because Humans are inherently Bastards - but because we aren't, we are Flawed, and while I LIKE HumansAreFlawed, I dislike the idea of accentuating the negative.
You wrote a really good story which can draw people in, is compelling and well-constructed, and reflects a great potential (or already started) future for you as a published author. And I simply cannot bring myself to read it ever again, or even like it anymore thanks to the ending and all the hints towards cynicism ...
... and what's ironic is that I read 'Save the Queen' after this before reviewing it, and I was surprised to LOVE that story a whole lot more than this one (I intend to read 'Heart of Gold' eventually, too.) Funny, because I thought the whole ForWantOfANail with the switch would make me like this story - ultimately, it killed it. Heck, I even found 'Oedipus Ikari' to be more UPLIFTING! WOW!
You are obviously a good writer and a good person. It's just a bit of a shame that this story - possibly your 'masterwork', as it is, for FF - is one of few things I could never read again lest it were to drive me to suicide (or worse, self-induced insanity from depression).
Good luck with future works. If you want to talk, I'm always around. And please don't hold my opinion against me - it's just who I am, to feel like this.
| Ominom chapter 9 . 1/21/2011
Great fic. I love Alicia's tsundere behavior toward Ramza.
| Enigma infinite chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Touching to the core!