|Reviews for Christmas Love|
| LittleGreenTiger chapter 1 . 6/21/2009
aw that is so sweet!
| Booboo-nyaa chapter 1 . 3/30/2009
Aw...That's just sweet!
| savannah chapter 1 . 12/23/2008
that was so cute!
| MewRebecky chapter 1 . 12/18/2008
| Tomahawk 3.0 chapter 1 . 12/9/2008
other than some simple grammers errors, this was THE most touching, soft, cute, charming, warm feeling, and relaxing story I have ever read. greta job! I really, really liked it!
| Tazzybizzy chapter 1 . 12/5/2008
aw! that's so cute! you always know how to make the best Lettuce and Pai fluff! Is this a one-shot or will there be more? -Looks up with begging eyes- PLEASE!
| Tuliharja chapter 1 . 12/4/2008
Was Pudding too adopted? That was so cute! Pai had Taruto and Lettuce had Pudding and they met each others again.
| Tomoyo Kinomoto chapter 1 . 12/3/2008
Aw! How cute! This is a pretty good story, but there a couple things you might want to polish up.
1) Use pronouns! It gets boring to read: "Pai did this. Pai did that. Taruto did that too. Pai laughed with Taruto." Pronouns help a paragraph flow more. "Pai did this. He also did that. Taruto did that too. Pai laughed along with him."
2) Explain the background more. Was Lettuce ever a Mew? Was Pudding and then she died? Is this Pudding Jr? Did Pudding never exist? Same for Taruto.
3) Be careful with your use of words. For example, this seems like a light, happy fic, but by saying "snowflakes flew down", it creates a violent, stormy image. "Drifted", or "fell" would be better verbs in that case.
4) Remember to put commas before names when people are talking to each other, and to capitalize "mummy" when Pudding uses it as Lettuce's name.
5) Pai was a little out of character in this fic, but that's not too big of an issue. Just please explain why snow means shopping for little Taruto? *grins*
6) Your writing sounds awkward and strained in the beginning. Especially these paragraphs:
"Outside the birds sang and flew around happily. Big snowflakes flew to the ground, making the snow deeper. A small girl by the name of Midorikawa Pudding, the age of four had her small round face pressed against the window, her eyes sparkling at the sight of the snow. Pudding jumped off of her bed and ran towards Lettuce's or her mummy's room, as she called Lettuce. In Pudding's room was posters of monkeys and teddy bears. Pudding pushed Lettuce's door open and rushed in. She jumped onto the bed, jolting Lettuce awake.
Lettuce opened her eyes, staring into golden coloured eyes. Lettuce smiled softly and sat up, pulling Pudding close. Pudding giggled and then climbed out Lettuce's hold. Pudding stood in front of Lettuce grinning.
"Mummy!" Pudding yelled excitedly, "It's snowing! Can Pudding play in the snow, please." Pudding begged, doing the puppy look. Lettuce giggled softly and nodded. Pudding squealed and then jumped off the bed, running out of the room. Lettuce climbed out of bed and pulled her pyjama top off. Lettuce grabbed her bra and shirt then pulled the on. Lettuce quickly got dressed before Pudding came up, demanding her to hurry up."
First of all, there aren't many birds in the winter, and non of them are songbirds. Second, you make Lettuce sound like a little kid, and it is confusing why you emphasized Lettuce putting on a bra, but said nothing about pants. In addition, your description of the snallfall sounded like a storm, but the scenes outside depicted a clear day. Your explination of Lettuce being Pudding's mother was also awkward. Thirdly, four year olds have trouble dressing themselves most of the time, especially into snow gear. Try rewriting it as something like this:
"Outside, birds were flocking around a bird feeder. Their bobbing feathers created a ever-changing blanket of color. A squirrel scurried up the tree to reach the bird feeder, only to be chased off by the birds. Pudding stared out the window in facination. Her round, four-year-old face was pressed against the glass in her excitement. Snow was drifting softly to the ground, causing the snow outside to grow steadily deeper over time. She sighed happily, giggling with delight as the window fogged up, eyes shining with delight at the prestine world of snow before her.
"Mummy!" she cried, running down the hall and jumping on her mother's bed. "Mummy, wake up! It's snowing!"
"Hmm? What's that, darling?" asked her mother, her light green hair cascading in waves around her shoulders as she sat up. She pulled Pudding into a hug. "You want to go somewhere?"
Pudding screamed with laughter. "No, no, Mummy! Outside!"
"Oh, I see!" said her mother, grinning mischeviously. "Well then, you'd better let Mummy get dressed first, okay?"
"Okay!" chirped Pudding, bouncing one on the bed before racing out of the room. Chuckling softly to herself before climbing out of bed, Pudding's mother resigned herself to going outside. As she changed out of her pyjamas into normal clothes, a gold pendant on a chain swung forward. Clasping it to her chest, Pudding's mother thought fondly of when she had been part of a group of four girls, fighting for the safety of Tokyo...
"Ms. Midorikawa! Your mail's here!" Pudding's mother heard. Shaking her head in amusement, Lettuce thought fondly of the new mailman. It was obvious he cared for her, a young woman all alone with a child to take care of."
I know that didn't really follow your plotline, but notice how there was more general description, the use of pronouns, and such mechanics.
Good luck with your story, and I wish you luck!