|Reviews for United|
| Knight of Wings chapter 13 . 2/27/2010
The story was pretty interesting. It was certainly ssomething new seeing Kairi and Riku trying to rescue Sora. I really liked how you chnaged Demyx's character. You made him far more likeable. HTe biggest problem i had with this story was Sora not doing so much. But the plot demanded it, and he got to kick but later on so all tturned out well. I really liked the ending for the characters. What would have been a nice and cool addition would be if you had created a unique keyblade for Sora. I think that that kind of idea would be cool. But nonetheless the story turned out pretty well. THe best line of the story was when Riku said,"I'd rather be a pawn of teh light with friends than the master of Darkness with none." Best line inyour story. While not epic on scale , it was ejoyable. Good luck i look forward to reading ever more sora and kairi stories from you. Later.
| Letterman chapter 1 . 2/14/2010
Here is your review, just cause you asked!
I felt that the plot was pretty good and original, but felt a bit unbelievable at times. I mean, I really don't think Roxas would go back to the Organization.
Humor was well placed, too. Donald using the mega-potion was incredibly funny and, sadly, completely believable.
Also, what becomes of Roxas and Namine! Are they still Nobodies, or are they now Somebodies?
One complaint, though.
"Roxas watched sadly as Sora and Roxas ran up and down the beach, throwing sand at each other, and wrestling. Best friends."
Read that a couple of time and then tell me whats wrong with it. Having a mistake in your first sentence is not the best idea.
Other than that, excellent!
| EnigmaticVagabond chapter 13 . 2/3/2010
First, let me congratulate you on completing your story. It was a nice, albeit short, read. The action was not overdone, and the fluffy parts were... memorable.
However, there was one major flaw that irked me to no end when I finished. The plot was too shallow. Almost all of the 'sub-plots'; i.e. Roxas' defection, Riku's growth as a leader, Kairi learning to fight, etc.; could have been expanded upon. Doing so would have made the story more immersive and realistic. Also, while you did better than most, there were still some moments where you 'told' more than 'showed' the action.
i.e. "...she exclaimed as she reached for it... Kairi pulled her hand out of the bag. It was covered in juice."
Try using more description, like saying that 'Kairi's hand met nothing but warm goo as she reached for the fruit in her bag.'
Aside from that, I liked the story. It flows from canon pretty well, and the spelling and grammar are better than I've seen in many 'fics lately. Hope you continue to write, I would like to read more of your work.
| NinjaSheik chapter 13 . 2/2/2010
LOVED IT~! AWESOME~!
| 17896 chapter 11 . 10/30/2009
U SHOULD HAVE HAD A SPARTAN ARMY THAT WOULD BE SO COL
| 17896 chapter 10 . 10/30/2009
if you still need a weapon for her i have some options
a keyblade if roxas can couldnt she
spartan giant shield a spear short sword all bronze lol i dont think so
a random sword with cool random designs have it white i dunno
or a well swords are well rounded weapons cant think of anything better of course you could get her a gun or a staff weapon (stargate sg1 it shoots stuff with orange energy blasts :D
| 17896 chapter 5 . 10/30/2009
2 things could have happened kairi got shot or
sora got shot and kairi "dropped" to the ground to him good thing for me i can go to the next chapter but since im making a long review there is a cliffhanger :D
| 17896 chapter 2 . 10/30/2009
AXEL IS COMING BACK YEAH I LOVE THIS STORY
| Vegeluxia to lazy to log in chapter 12 . 10/3/2009
HOLY CRAP! MARLUXIA RUN! ... anyway now that I've got that off my chest I's like to say. Epic win on your account :3
That and I learned something playing 358/2 Days. Xemnas' weapon thingys are called Ethereal blades. Anyways YAY! UPDATES! And Demyx died... again D:... I'm all sad on the inside now...
| NinjaSheik chapter 12 . 9/29/2009
OH...MY...GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! UPDATE SOON~!
| XShiori-chanX chapter 12 . 9/29/2009
oh ma gawd. Zexy so awsome! loves him. you make everyone sound so cool!
plus, i know how it feels. im a sophy in high school and my parents win't let me buy the game. ( it's depressing. i've gone emo.
| Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 12 . 9/29/2009
BAN GA DAN, GOOD CHAPTER, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
| Blue Paper Plane chapter 1 . 9/21/2009
This is an awesome chapter! Update soon!
| blackrogue123 chapter 11 . 6/20/2009
Hey, nice to see you again, it's been awhile :)
I liked the humor with Riku and his "fan-club" ,including Yuffie, but...well...it may be a bit late, but I'm having a hard time understanding things with Axel. He just seems a bit petty and whiny to me, and I'm a little confused over how they seem to think Roxas will join them if they purposefully kill Sor in front of him...or has that part of the pln yet to come?
Anyway, I can' wait to see how this works out, but I know how hard it is to do work over the Summer, so feel free to take your time
| XShiori-chanX chapter 11 . 6/15/2009
please hurry and finish the next chapter! 0