|Reviews for Sylvanlight, Book I|
| Fortune Zyne chapter 23 . 2/23/2013
This is an awesome story! Well done!
| Fortune Zyne chapter 22 . 5/21/2012
This story was awesome, it's too bad it was discontinued.
| LilyInTheValley chapter 22 . 5/7/2010
I really love this story. I've been waiting for the updates for so long. I hope you are still planning to continue this story. More power!
| maniah chapter 22 . 2/25/2010
Your story is so amazing! Please continue! I'm so curious, can't wait for Caranthir to show up.. :D
| ellfine chapter 3 . 11/22/2009
This is very clever and quite intriguing! I like the quotes you use at the beginning of each chapter. I also like the way you have woven the Fairy Folk ideas into the story and they way Gwen remembers the rules of dealing with fairies. This i svery cool and I am fascinated as to what happened to these elves. Nicely done so far!
| AliciaF chapter 21 . 10/14/2009
One thing that immediately catches my attention is the comma usage. There seem to be far more commas that is necessary and this should be edited. Also, there are many short sentences in the beginning of the chapter that could either be expanded or combined.
“There were pines, so that the ground they walked on was soft with pine needles.”
Would another word be more effective here? They instead of there, in reference to the trees in the previous sentence.
“The hobbit seemed uncomfortable with the water, and even Gwen thought it odd to be standing on the surface of the water.”
The second part of this sentence would seem suggest that it is similar to the first, but Frodo’s fear of water and Gwen thinking it odd to stand on the water isn’t similar enough to work together. Perhaps something like , and Gwen found the passage over the barely exposed rocks to be worrisome.
I’m having trouble visualizing the fountain. Is it tall? It sounds like the stone maidens ought to be taller than or at least half as tall as the tree. How big is the tree and what kind is it?
Untended or unattended? - a servant o fthe Valar - Gwen too as sad to go. (Was)
Perhaps elaborate on missing a bed. Two sentences is not really enough for a paragraph.
Are you referring to the Touchstone in Shakespeare’s “As You Like It”? If so, why does this elf remind her of a court jester? I've never read this play, so maybe there is more to the character than I am familiar with.
That would be eerie, waking up next to your enemy and without them being aware. I like her reaction, slashing the pillow. I wonder what Amarie thought when she awoke in the morning to find that. I especially like how Gwen detests killing and her explanation later as to why she could not do it.
Do the elves not believe in Eru any longer or do they no longer see any influence in the world any longer? I suppose that the long years that have passed since the Valar’s time of betrayal would discourage any elf in believing in anything more than what is directly in front of them. Humans seem to be the more stubborn of them, holding onto their traditions and resisting the Valar in that way. What about the dwarves? Aule created their bodies, but Eru still gave them their own will. What do they believe?
| Guest chapter 22 . 10/13/2009
This. Is. Incredible. Thank you for the new chapter!
| Rhyselle chapter 21 . 10/10/2009
This is an absolutely incredible story. I could not stop reading once I'd started.
Thank you for sharing such a unique alternate universe! I look forward to future chapters.
| Araloth the Random chapter 20 . 7/29/2009
Thank you for breaking this into chapters! It makes it much easier.
Your depiction of Amarie is so different from what I'm used to seeing! Well, I guess that's the point, isn't it? Thanks for sharing!
| Clodia chapter 18 . 7/29/2009
Oh good, it's all in chapters. ;) Sorry, it's taken longer than I expected to return to this, partly because I rather like the FFN layout for reading and I was anticipating finishing off the second book as it currently stands in one sitting. But now I'll be able to work through chapter-by-chapter.
The descriptions of the sea and of the near-drowning experience are delightful. Interesting hint of Gwen's specialness emerging from the brief conversation with Ulmo. It's sensible to give Gwen some lessons in self-defence, although I might possibly query how sensible she was to wander off with the sailors immediately after Feanor's warnings. Minor typo, I think the City of Broken dreams would possibly be the capitAl city, not the capitOl. The Tulkas incident is suitably intimidating! I think the way you're handling the various Valar so far works very well.
And the final part - well - a very interesting development! I must admit, though, that I haven't had quite the sense of suppressed but increasingly intense passion from Gwen in the story so far that I would expect to build up to such an outburst; it seems rather a startling departure from someone who's mostly gone along with things up till now. Still, your story!
Again, thank you!
| AliciaF chapter 2 . 7/25/2009
I'm not so sure your book structure is working out so well with fanfiction. It's getting a little too cluttered now as more chapters are added and it takes longer to find the new material. It was okay with the first chapter, but the second is getting rather lengthy to be used like this. Perhaps you could do something like: Book 1 Chapter 1 etc and separate them.
"How did you kill god whom..." needs 'a' in front of god
"She turned on her heel, annoyed that id..." idea?
"Exhausted, she hoped that sleep would com..." come
"Is this a new tactic of your mothers'?" mother's
""First I must know our name." your
So, Mandos is trying take over Valinor? That's interesting and doesn't surprise me. Did Gwen's vision of Feanor's death actually happen? Poor Frodo and Bilbo, getting lost in the library! I wonder what happened to the poor hobbit. It doesn't seem like Este and Lorien do much else besides sleep in Valinor. I wonder how they are going to play into this story?
| Liber Fatum chapter 2 . 7/19/2009
Finally an update! You certainly made Amarie crazy, she reminds me of the Bellatrix Helena Bonham Carter played in the Harry Potter movies, though slightly less batty. Slightly. A question: why does Finrod have 'auburn' or 'reddish' hair in your fic? It was quite clear in the Silmarillion that he was a blond. Y'know, the golden hair of the House of Finarfin... Why the need to deviate? If there were red-heads in Valinor, I'd say Maedhros or Mahtan or (though I'm not too sure on this) the twins Amrod and Amros, as well as the numerous dwarves, would be the more believable candidates. Good job on the new chapter:hopefully the next chapter would be an update on the story and not a rearrangement of chapters. *coughHintcough*
| Clodia chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
This certainly is a remarkable reimagining of the Silmarillion story. Your writing is very rich and I like your descriptions; in particular, the Seelie and Unseelie Courts are described with a kind of weird vividness that works very well and is very atmospheric. The imagery throughout is very impressive and your thorough reworking of Middle-earth's history is delightfully epic. I can see you're building up towards some climactic scenes - and kudos for not rushing that build-up!
A couple of points, though: firstly, it might be a bit easier to read this (and also to review individual chapters) if it was broken up into those individual chapters. I can see you've divided it into the two books, but maybe it would work better if you posted this as two separate stories? Secondly, it seems slightly weird that a civilisation with space ships would have such a relatively low technology level. I expect you can explain this away by Valarin caprice and so on, but I thought I'd mention it because it did jump out at me. Thirdly, and this may well just be me, Gwen seemed to me to be a slightly colourless character, possibly because her role is a rather passive one: most of the time, she's being tossed about by events and I sometimes found it a little hard to tell exactly what she thought about everything. Certainly she seemed to adapt rather easily to such a drastically changed lifestyle. Still, as I say, this may just be me.
Thanks so far, anyway! I hope this is useful and I'll hopefully read the rest when I have a minute.
| aliciavoegel chapter 2 . 7/7/2009
Feanor does not seem really surprised at what Gwen did. Did he expect this from her and that's why he trained her in fighting? Or did he just see that as being part of her nature? I'm glad though that she was able to kill him. Is he truly dead? Or did his spirit go to Mandos?
I love the imagery in this section with the mountains and plantations. The amount of detail that you've put into this story tells me that you've put quite a bit of thought into this story! But it's a also a very sad place, one that I would not like to visit. :(
I saw your response to Morgoth on your wordpress site and am going to think about what you've said.
| Liber Fatum chapter 3 . 6/21/2009
I'm impressed. Very impressed. I especially liked the way that you've invented such a fanciful, imaginative sci-fi world from Tolkien's story. I also really like Gwen, you've done an amazing job on her. But I find it extremely weird that thingol and melian's children has such names like seer, and amy etc. Couldn't you have invented more believable elvish names? Or is there an explanation to it? Anyway, keep up the good work! I'll be keeping tabs on your story so don't let me (your avid follower) down!