|Reviews for Sarah vs the Chocolate Croissants|
| BetweenTwoWorlds chapter 1 . 3/22/2010
Aw..that is one of my favorite scenes! I love it! Great story!
| Ily18 chapter 1 . 2/9/2010
Another great story! I love the way you write Sarah's thoughts and feelings, because even though she tries not to show it, she's a human being too, LOL.
And this story was absolutely amazing because you took inspiration for a great Charah scene and because you were able to add your touch, by writing it on Sarah's POV, showing how she really felt while eating that croissant and listening to Chuck.
So, yeah, I really liked it and I'm really starting to think that I've become a super fan of yours! :D
| Jake Crepeau chapter 1 . 5/14/2009
What a wonderful insight you have into Sarah's thoughts. This is my favorite kind of story, one that takes a canonical scene, if you will, and fleshes it out in the way only print can do. Beautifully done!
| Dreamwalker chapter 1 . 2/10/2009
This is a decent story from a technical mindset. Another introspective, but the situation with breakfast is different in circumstance than Chuck and Sarah's kissing lesson. It's important to adapt to the situation.
Introspectives are excellent pieces when there's a lot left unsaid. A lack of dialogue gives the characters opportunities to think, or at least think without running over the dialogue. But given the choice between an internal monologue and dialogue, the proper choice is almost always dialogue. Sarah's a tricky character because of how internal she is, but she's still no exception to that rule.
The strength of this scene from the show is that it's a true honest moment of friendship between Chuck and Sarah. They're being honest (mostly) and that's something rare in the show. Sarah is open (mostly) and Chuck is straightforward (mostly.) And it's 80% handled through the dialogue and inflections associated with it.
The main problem here is that we have your author's voice injecting itself and overpowering the character of Sarah. Remember, it's an introspective, and an introspective means -thoughts.- Write as if Sarah is telling the story. Sarah, especially, won't let us on all the detail. She simply refuses to think the details she doesn't want to-or if she does, it's fine. But we've seen very little examples up to this point of Sarah being overly expressive.
Not that it's bad; it's just not necessarily Sarah. And, since we're writing fanfic, we have to write the characters as they are. Of course, you could certainly make valid arguments that a deeply reflective Sarah Walker is a faithful possibility (in fact, I'd love to see it done
well), but it still has to sound like Sarah.
The readers are dumb, but they're also smart. Sd can fill in the wholes. We already know several of the basic conflicts inside Sarah; you don't have to point out every one. And again, we've already got good dialogue. Enhance the dialogue, don't over explain it. You've still got some fun ideas. Trust in them and let them speak for themselves as well. They're good.
Interestingly enough, so far you seem to have a better handle on Chuck introspectives than Sarah introspectives. It's usually the other way around.
| ojdadk chapter 1 . 2/3/2009
I'm learning more about Chuck and Sarah by reading your episodes. You do a good job of filling in background info into your narration. I appreciate the relationship you've developed between the two of them...no idea how "accurate" it is with regard to the "real" relationship on the actual show.
I thought in this episode you could play with the interaction of the food offering Chuck brought and Sarah was eating as compared with the vocal offering he gave and she was swallowing its concepts...his kind words as sweet and addictive as the chocolate, for instance. Would that interplay fit with the general concepts in the show? I suppose you could work in some sexy offshoots with that, too, if you wanted.
| Fire From Above chapter 1 . 1/11/2009
Good friendship fic.
| jagged1 chapter 1 . 12/12/2008
Well done - very believable and touching. Thanks!
| BillAtWork chapter 1 . 12/10/2008
I like the concept. Taking a scene from the show and filling in the thoughts.
| Nemo30 chapter 1 . 12/10/2008
That was amazing! I total believe that was how she was thinking!
| mikesul chapter 1 . 12/10/2008
Excellent chapter, very well done. Thanks!
| aardvark7734 chapter 1 . 12/10/2008
After watching this scene repeatedly (I won't embarrass myself by saying how many times) in the last day or so, it's nice to be able to luxuriate in it through your retelling. Very apt thoughts accompanying the known dialog - they were kind of my suspicions solidified. :) Good job!
| jessclifton chapter 1 . 12/10/2008
What a great story and what a great moment for them! I really loved it. Good to see them back on the right track. Now, are you considering tackling a one-shot based on the last scene?