Maybe they could train for awhile , since they have no time limit for the mission.. If they are lucky they may run into the pervy sage, Get some training from him and tell him about the situation in the leaf.

Ack! Please, double-space it all the way through! The second way just seems weird!

Ahem...

As for the actual content of your story, you're having no trouble conveying both information and emotion, but you fall a little short when conveying the intensity of that emotion. Both Sasuke and Kakashi's speeches, though they did express displeasure, lacked the emotional "kick" I feel you wanted to convey.

The more intense the emotion behind the words, the more time you should probably spend with them; look for words that mean exactly what yo want to say. Also, give us some body language. People convey so much with wordless communication, but we can only see what you describe for us. Give us a few cues, like how Kakashi's one eye stared at them accusingly, or how he stood straight instead of in his traditional slouch, or how Sakura took a step back when she saw the anger in Sasuke's eyes.

These aren't great examples, I know, but this chapter centered almost entirely around what came out of the character's mouths, and there's so much more to the story. What's more, I know you CAN write about these things, because you did a pretty good job of it in the last chapter. You've got the ability, just remember to use it!

At any rate, I hope to see more soon. I enjoy this story very much. _

I actually like the style of writing you're using now. It's what most authors do, and is what I like. I also like the plot so far, a Naruto exile fic with Shikamaru being with him. I don't think that's been done before. In fact, I'm wondering WHY it hasn't been done before. Good story, though the chapters ARE a bit shorter than what I'm used to in good fics. Is this chapter like, 10 pages? if it is, maybe 13 pages would be a better, and longer chapter. Your story overall is very good, though the latest chapter WAS a bit dull. Even with what you are doing with Sasuke and Sakura, I think you should go more in depth with that. Simply saying that they're crushed or feel miserable about, in my eyes, isn't enough. The REALLY good fics go much more in depth. Just note, though, this is constructive criticism, no flaming. I think you should go more in depth with the character development the most, and maybe some more details o what you are doing with the plot. It's still an interesting story though. Not BAD, like all Yaoi/slash stories. But not GOOD, like Chunin Exam Day, Eyes of The Broken Sould, or Most Powerful Duo: Ultimate Shinobi (read them:)). Though your story is a bit above average.

Basically, make the chaters more detailistic, more in-depth character development, and MORE CHAPTERS!

I like this story. I really do. Shikamaru and Naruto as a team sounds very interesting. I'm looking forward to more.

It was F**kin awsome!

It was sort of a cliché at first (Though, I understand it goes with the plot) but you've turn it into an exciting event. I love how you write, its very witty and you don't skip into details. Chapter 5, get me excited and I was looking forward as to whats gonna happen. I'am deeply sad -dissapointed- coz'its only 5 chapters and it stops to the good bit...

So, anyways please update -pleas?- coz'I'am always looking forward to this story from now on..

Thank you,

Pei_pei

Very good. You've got a very plausible exposition here, and I like your characterizations.

YAY! At least now Naruto won't be considered a missing-nin.. or will he ? Thanks for the update! -

GAH! Poor Naruto! I hope Shika finds him before anything bad happens! I love Shika's concern for Naruto -

Interesting. I like how this is developing.

I would suggest that, after you finish writing your chapters, you wait a couple hours, or even a whole day, and then re-read them. I know how tempting it is to just post it after you finish it, but waiting and re-reading it will help you catch spelling and grammar problems.

Plot-wise, though, I have no complaints! I really like what you're writing. I especially like your pacing. You're taking your time to develop the plot well, but not so much that it feels boring. I look forward to more. Thanks for writing!

I love this story and Sakura is so pissing me off but i hope you keep doing what your doing and update soon. also is there going to be any pairings like Tema/shika

Poor Naruto...um...is this a NaruShika pairing? If it is, I'll probably fav this...

Cookies for you!

Poor Naruto.

:D

i really like how your story is progressing.

A not so merry Christmas present for poor Naruto indeed. XD I really love this story, you've thought everything out so well. I especially like your Shikamaru's characterization, because he's just he right mix of laziness mixed with caring enough about his friends to bother.

The only thing that bothered me was when you wrote in the first paragraph, "He had energy to spare, and for a hyperactive 13 year old like him it meant he had a furious urge to kick some ass." You should have written out thirteen as a word, not a number. But that's just a pet peeve of mine; certainly not anything that ruins the story or anything. I look forward to more! _

That is very nice. The only thing is that there are some mistakes like you didn't Put some of the " " in the right places and maybe a few grammar problems but it's still looking good. w Patiently waiting for the next update.