|Reviews for Another bunny|
| shika93 chapter 12 . 8/24/2013
| shika93 chapter 10 . 8/24/2013
Haha, great chapter.
| shika93 chapter 8 . 8/24/2013
Aw so cute great chapter.
| shika93 chapter 6 . 8/24/2013
Aw, so cute.
| shika93 chapter 5 . 8/24/2013
| shika93 chapter 4 . 8/24/2013
Aw, great chapter.
| shika93 chapter 2 . 8/24/2013
| SharpPointyThings chapter 6 . 7/21/2013
Fufufufu, butterfly rave party, heh, pyro butterflies heheheh.
| AvengerSSB chapter 12 . 6/24/2013
Awesome and adorable story! the prank calls were the best! Which reminds me, WHAT DID THEY DO TO KYOYA?! I WANNA KNOW! :D
| Guest chapter 8 . 6/19/2013
| Stella Malodi chapter 3 . 5/20/2013
Be warned, this is a constructive criticism kind of review... mostly about your character. (Side note: I didn't look at the publication date until I was basically done writing this huge review. So, SURPRISE! You get a gigantic review for a story you published almost 4 1/2 years ago!)
Well, the big problem is that she's perfect for Hunny. She's definitely quirky and individual, and in another story or situation, she would definitely have major points as a strong original character... though you might get some questions along the lines of 'why is there a female Hunny in this story?' Conflict is what drives stories- and having someone that is perfect for a situation is what drives characters into the realm of Mary-Sues.
Having her be from America is a problem. There are few arranged marriages, and most (if not all) of them are something that's part of the person's religion. I don't know how common it is among the 'wealthy elite,' but I can't imagine it's something that happens very often. That being the case, she would be very, VERY unhappy about it- particularly since she's rather spoiled and used to getting her way. Even with a 'make the best of things' attitude, and finding out that he's perfect for her, I cannot imagine her being in any way happy about it. I know if it was me, I'd be inclined to reject the guy- no matter how perfect he was- just because it wasn't my choice to be with him. However... this is only a problem if, as in the story, she doesn't know about the arranged marriage. If she grew up knowing about it, or at least knowing that there would be one, then it wouldn't be a big deal. She'd be used to the idea, and if she was raised with it, it would seem pretty normal.
The bit with 'going to a public high school because I don't want to be a rich snob' is also not quite right, for one reason: she's grown up rich. She's the type to notice when people are acting snobbish? Great! Good for her. However, I don't think that most rich people MEAN to be snobs. They just were raised with a completely different standard of living. Everyone acts in a way that can be perceived as snobbish when they're exposed to a (much) lower standard of living. The point is, those people wouldn't act like snobs towards her, because she's from the same 'class.' Snobs because of the bunny thing? That wouldn't be any different in public school, unless people were sucking up to her because of her wealth- and a lot of people there would think she was a snob anyway, just because she was rich. (How do I know this? I read, and I like to think about why people act the way they do.) Another point, her parents would probably overrule her desire to go to public school for the sake of her education.
I don't think Ouran would let her get away with not wearing the uniform. Haruhi simply couldn't afford it, so I think they made an exception (though it seems like they might have included the uniform as part of the scholarship), but it IS a uniform. Lexi obviously COULD afford it, and I can't see them letting it slide just because she asked. The thing about uniforms? They're generally mandatory, no matter how ridiculous they look.
There's a slight problem with how you presented her interest in karate and Japanese. It sounds like she just happened to like those things. Since her parents knew about the arranged marriage a long time in advance, it would have made sense for them to make her learn Japanese, since they would have known that that's where she'd be spending a good part of her life. Same kind of thing goes for karate- it's his family business, so it would make sense for them to make sure she knows something about it. If, as you hinted, her father was trained by Hunny's family, then it would also make sense for her to learn it because her father practices it. I think part of the problem is that you rushed through this bit of background; it came across as a tossed in "Look how perfect my character is for Hunny!" If you give it a little more time and depth, give reasons that Lexi is the way she is, it'll come out much better.
The bunny thing: this is another "she's perfect for him" problem. People rarely carry around their stuffed animals; if they DO keep them, they at least leave them at home. The problem is that, with how rare it is, the odds of this complete stranger his parents have set him up with ALSO carrying around a stuffed animal (let alone the same KIND of animal)... well, the odds are somewhere between 'miraculous,' 'impossible,' and 'fanfiction.'
Next (and last) point: 5'0" is pretty short in the US (average height of women is 5'4"), but not so much in Japan, where the average height of women is 5'2". Still a little on the short side, but not doll like. How do I know this? I started research for an OC. The story line I thought up sounded similar to yours, which I why I started reading it in the first place :P. (And no, it's not the same as yours, I won't steal anything, etc. I'm not even sure she's going to end up with Hunny.)
And now for the criticism-free part of the review! (Side-note/explanation: most of my reviews fall into the category of 'constructive criticism,' and I always feel bad about giving any criticism, so I try to end on a positive note. 'Course, that might just make it worse; the problems are what 'inspired' me to write a review, so I tend to wax eloquent, and then the 'here's what's awesome!' bit ends up being really short, even when it's a really good story with lots of good points. The good points aren't what 'inspired' me to review, and so it's hard for me to dredge up any eloquence when I talk about them.)
Well, first of all, Lexi really is a fun character. I like her attitude of just not caring- kind of reminds me of Luna Lovegood, actually, and she's my favorite Harry Potter character. You've got great spelling and grammar (a rarity on this site- don't you hate that jarring feeling, when you get pushed out of the story trying to figure out what the author is trying to say?)... and lots of potential as a writer, which you've probably been developing. (- moment when I actually checked when this story was published XD) Okay, so this review is a little late in coming, but still useful (I hope) if you ever decide to re-write it.
| brokenXangel15 chapter 12 . 3/27/2013
This was the best story ever! I couldn't stop smiling!
| Musical cake chapter 12 . 11/5/2012
Please tell me the prank call, I have horrid imagination.
| Musical cake chapter 8 . 11/5/2012
I've noticed that all of your host club OC's can tell the difference between the twins.
| Musical cake chapter 6 . 11/5/2012
That was you!
The butterflies have rave parties, and light fires in my stomach sometimes.
I was wondering how the butterflies knew what a rave party was, and how to use a lighter!
They even have family reunions. Though, I'm sad to say, that one was my doing.