|Reviews for The new Beginning for tea!|
| CherryBlossomWish chapter 4 . 12/29/2014
It's OHAYOU, not Ohayo! Don't slaughter the Japanese language please, you've kind of done that to the English one.
| CherryBlossomWish chapter 2 . 12/29/2014
What have I just read?
WHAT HAVE I JUST READ?!
I'm SO sorry. I've promised myself from the first day I began Fanfiction I'd NEVER flame, or crush a dream- but ... Please stop this madness?
First of all, you've slaughtered the English language and made a story not even a pre-teen Justin Bieber loving girl or boy would read. You've made something so... So... bad?
Your punctuation is lacking, your grammar is awful! I'm SO so sorry! But I've read this. Two chapters- I just can't do this. Everything is just so... I'm so sorry but bad!
I'm sure your idea is lovely, but you've executed it awfully. All there is is dialogue and a small amount of writing, but barely. It's all so plain. There are barely any adjectives, hardly any complex and elegant sentences that can captivate a reader. It seems all you want is to type DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA, NO EXPLANATION, DRAM DRAMA DRAMA. You need to explain what's happening. I've become so confused and lost, it's very unnerving.
And you can't do Author Notes. I mean, those are the rules. To be honest, I do that, but I'll give a small paragraph to say 'hey, sorry this chapter is late... I was busy... Hope you enjoy, etc', but you just go on and on and on and on! It's practically the size of the chapter! You don't need to inform us of everything you've done, everything you do, you don't need to do a little part where you introduce Gaara (It's GAARA NOT GARRA- PLEASE DONT GET THAT WRONG! THAT IS PERHAPS THE MOST ANNOYING THING IVE SEEN SO FAR!) to advertise your other fiction.
IF you want that, just say 'I have this new fic up, please read!' or 'I'm posting a new story, please look out for it!'.
And what do you mean 'the rest of Naruto'? I laughed because of that- and I don't think you meant me to laugh about THAT.
'The one starring YOU, ME, SAKURA, SASUKE and THE REST OF NARUTO?'- what happened to the rest of Naruto? You make it seem like he was dismembered and only have of him (The REST of him) has survived. Its simple things like this that make reading this writing is cringeworthy. Simple mistakes. You would mean 'The rest of Naruto's friends' or 'The rest of the gang!' or 'Everyone else!'- Naruto MAY be the name of the manga, but he's also a character. It's like saying, 'hey, John and Jill and the rest of Billy are going to the river'. It doesn't make sense.
ANYWAY, I'm ranting.
Please, PLEASE, revise your writing. It's so plain, it's almost childish. I know it's harsh- I've read most of your other reviews. The flamers are being cruel, but you have to accept help from those who are giving real and helpful criticism! And, I'm sorry, sweetie, but when people say 'don't listen to them, this story is AWESOME'... They don't know what they're talking about.
Maybe they can see the actual idea of the story, but I can't. Because your writing isn't very nice. Practise, please, and please don't get upset. The moment I posted my first story a few years ago, I got flamers and people who criticized me, and I took offence- but that did nothing for my writing. But I matured and I took their advise and bettered my writing.
Do the same thing.
| This is bad chapter 1 . 6/10/2014
I don't think there is good writing to be had from this chapter at all. I ended up skimming through this because it was so bad.
| KASTATERTINGGI chapter 1 . 12/20/2013
Fitted Kitchen Leeds. Thirty Ex Display Kitchens To Clear. .uk £ 595 Each with appliances.
_.Fitted Kitchen Leeds[/url]
| MsTerminator chapter 1 . 4/29/2013
And yet another disgrace to the English language. Tsk, tsk. Everyone In Yu Gi Oh is OOC. I can't say for the other anime characters you used because I've never watched them. There is nothing in this...this "story" except dull and pointless dialogue. Random words in the middle of a sentence should not be capitalized, and by the way, the author should not have to explain anything to the readers. The readers should be able to have their own questions answered by reading the story. Also, have you heard of a sentence fragment? You have quite a few of those. Here is an example: She came out in a white fuku. Blue bow with long ribbons in the back.
That is a sentence fragment, where you have the sentence begin at "Blue." I've wasted my time reading this. Other reviewers have covered a lot of what I wanted to say, so there's no need for me to beat a dead horse. Oh and before you accuse me or anyone else of flaming, learn the definition first. A flame is a negative review without reason. Such as simply saying, "THIS SUCKS GO TO HELL." That is a flame. Not everyone is going to like your...story. When you submit your work online or anywhere, you are subjecting yourself to all kinds of criticism. If you don't want any, save yourself the trouble and don't submit your work. Before I end my review, I'd like to say one last thing. In your summary, I noticed that you said, "Don't you dare flame." So you know, that's actually an invitation for trolls and other people to do just that. I thought I'd point that out.
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/10/2012
No its not bad and you should continue with the story cause i love sailor moon
| Piko Niko chapter 1 . 5/28/2012
Don't let the flaming weigh you down. They're just thoughtless morons the lot of them. Your story isn't bad - trust me
| Angelus Erreare chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Your writing style incidates that you are less than thirteen years of age. There's no atmosphere, no setting, no description; just plain dialogue. You probably watch a lot of TV and rarely read.
Hm, I suggest reading a good book or two; a novel perhaps, so that you can have an idea on how stories are to be written.
Your A/N at the bottom made me smile. Not necessarily from amusement.
Ahem, the readers shouldn't have to ask you to explain certain things. If they do have to ask, then it defeats the purpose of this story. You might as well take your story down and post a Q&A session.
Your story should be able to provide the answers to most, if not all, the potential questions a reader may have; well, save for doubts and queries regarding different cultures, religions, or political views expressed explicitly or implicitly in your fic (which I highly doubt this story would even have given your lack of description...)
I hope this helps.
| In.Light.Syrup chapter 1 . 8/19/2010
ummm... are you really fifteen?
| sasusakuhiwatari chapter 4 . 8/3/2010
| The Crimson Flamer chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
Well... what I want you to explain... is why you decided to molest all that is yu-gi-oh related by stringing together that huge pile of monkey crap of which you had the audacity to call a story... if it helps... i could always direct your keyboard out of a three story window
| Bardad101 chapter 1 . 1/16/2010
I... just... can't...
Its too awful...
God words cannot describe how terrible this is - and yes its not the worst fic I've seen.
I think it might be time to commit suicide.
| RGDF urself chapter 1 . 1/8/2010
That realy does suck some major uno wat. jesus Christ that was terrible. I only read until the BRING! thing. TERRIBLE!
| Cattshire chapter 1 . 11/30/2009
You can't write for beans, just stop the madness before someone dies reading this
| October-Yuki chapter 4 . 7/7/2009
wow omg this was so good nice mix up keep going i want to know wat happens next!