|Reviews for Power of the Mind|
| Nami Takata chapter 46 . 7/1/2011
Yay! New chapter! :D Great one so far, so Nodoka is now halfway through her training. Makes me wonder what's going on with Negi and the group who got sent to Tu'narath. Oh and Asuna too... Great chapter and update soon okay! :D
| Nami Takata chapter 45 . 6/20/2011
Truly an amazing story so far I can't believe how mindblowing this story is... but now I kinda see that "Aika" is taken as a name... is it ok if I change the root word of Aikando'r's name. Because I sorta made up her name so that she could have a nickname. Unless you say otherwise I'm gonna be looking for a different base... Again, AMAZING story so far. Update soon 'kay? :)
| Twilight Kyu chapter 45 . 6/14/2011
This is getting even more interesting especially if you're planning to bring in Marvel characters. And boy, that Drinde can be frightening at times.
The end of the chapter is quite a shock since the city of Huttasa has been burned into the ground...
Keep it up!
| Nami Takata chapter 13 . 6/13/2011
Im amazed at this story so far... Even though the Negima story has progressed a lot further from the date u published this story, its still amazing. Is it too late to submit OCs? :/ if so im okay with it.
| Thousand Wings chapter 45 . 6/8/2011
| Twilight Kyu chapter 44 . 5/26/2011
About time this fic is update...
And it worth the wait!
Everything look great as ever. And Deadpool never cease to entertain me.
Well, it'll take me awhile to pick up the pieces of the plot since it's been a while you update the fic.
Keep it up!
| Lol chapter 5 . 5/13/2011
And as you as I continue reading this chapter you say other power I name thee psi power
| Lol chapter 5 . 5/13/2011
Ok so we have tau protos sounding guys and now they are only missing the covenant from halo but they formed their own
| Lol chapter 5 . 5/13/2011
Lol it was a toss up between tau or protos from starcraft
| Blue Toxin chapter 1 . 3/7/2011
Would it be of any use to address the reasons why this story isn't very popular? I don't think so, since there's nothing you can do to fix now so it's better to just get it over with and learn from it.
Anyways I'll be at least somewhat helpful and let you know what an average Joe who isn't a major nut in Negi, but do enjoy reading the stories.
Too much of about everything. I got confused various times with what I read. Unless your a die hard Negi fan I suppose they might not find the plot too complex. You go way out in left field that I just lost interest at times. It's like a crossover of about twenty different elements that's been put into a blender and poured out into a glass. That's what was probably a huge turn-off for me.
Now I'm not some male chauvinist pig as I'm all for equal woman stuff and all that jazz. However, I just can't get into the story that's pretty much all Nodoka. I don't even know why Negi is listed as he's just some random side character. I think he's just listed for pairing purposes only and has no real value to the story itself. I came to read a Negi/Nodoka story, not a Nodoka dominated story. Sorry, but that's the second and final reason that I'm abandoning the story.
One final note. Deadpool are you serious? Why isn't this story listed in the crossover section? This goes along with my too much of everything tossed into what should be a Negi based story. I could be wrong and it's just my opinion, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm correct in my guess as to why so little popularity. Not that I'm slamming your writing ability, because there's no doubt you can write and anyone that says otherwise is an idiot. It's the tale that's been written that's not my thing.
Good luck with the endeavour and maybe the next thing you write you can make it so this peon can follow it.
| Twilight Kyu chapter 43 . 1/7/2011
Fantastic job as ever.
It's a little bit difficult for me to follow since the chapters are pretty long (took me awhile to recall the previous chapters), but nevertheless it's pretty good. Deadpool pretty much steals the spotlight.
Keep it up!
| Twilight Kyu chapter 42 . 12/5/2010
Oh my... Deadpool FTW! I always loved Deadpool, one of my all-time favorite characters.
Anyway, the chapter's better than ever and the crossover cameos are entertaining. I was relieved that you finally put a little humor into your fic, it's really refreshing. Your grammar is almost perfect, I think I could learn a thing or two from you. Also, it's a nice change of pace that you add the 'Character Alignment.'
It was quite easy to follow, but sometimes it can get a little confusing.
Overall, it's worth the wait. I couldn't wait to see what happen next.
Keep it up!
| The Ansem Man chapter 42 . 12/5/2010
I see. Definitely dangerous to have your plot screw up on you after you have grown it so much.
It's getting a bit complex and I'm not sure if I can follow everything, though all the crossover cameos aren't what bother me at all-they're cool, really-it's the more original D&D stuff. History everywhere means that I feel like the pace is slow despite lots of stuff happening, something I personally have trouble keeping up with. But don't give up, nothing's bad at all bro.
Boris being lawful neutral makes so much sense it's not funny.
I'll be around for next update, so don't give up!
| vastler75 chapter 42 . 12/5/2010
finally someone to lighten up this recently getting-darker-chapter
EVERYBODY DO THE DEADPOOL!
anywho, update soon
| Chaos Productions chapter 5 . 10/6/2010
Ah, the darkness and chaos of vivified combat starts to seep from the folds of the imagination in this valorous chapter. Truly a rather enthralling piece of work thus far, a craft of amusing skill in lieu of what I had expected as the first scene of glorious combat for this story, each scene forged with your seemingly utmost veracity. Verily have you proved that good combat scenes are not only etched by the Great Ones and their treasure-troves of masterful skill, but also by those with a will strong enough to pull it off. However, said scenes also have their flaws - thus I shan't waste any time in going straight for the jugular.
The Good - General pacing, paragraph structure, sentence structure and storytelling aptness have all elevated by a nigh-astounding degree of craftsmanship, to such an extent that even one as already jaded and world-weary as myself raised the odd brow at certain scenes. Your characters, whether they be OC, cast-bound or crossed-in, are all very believable, and contribute greatly to the multi-crossover setting, as well as the feel of science-fiction such a text can bring on. All in all, I'd hazard a guess by saying this must be the most solid chapter I have read so far in this story, and I applaud you for instilling such amusement within my normally realistic mind.
The Bad - That said, whilst I admit that your fight scenes are good, they are just that; simply 'good'. As terrible as I may sound by saying this, even with the laborious chains of thought instilled behind them, they fail to exhibit that special effect a well-crafted battle scene normally does. I searched painstakingly, but found only a select few scenes, and even they could use some work. For example:
"The giant iron monger took a moment to observe the equally large giant in front of himself, before giving off what sounded like laughter. Then he charged at her, preparing its fists instead of the axe which detached itself along with the minigun and launched an attack similar to a haymaker against the giant shadow, not Takane."
"Apart from his comrades who had a orange leaning yellow skin, his was pale yellow. He had dark red hair tied in knots and decorated with beads of various bright colours. His clothing was abstract in design, not colour. It bared his chest and covered his arm like a suit. He didn't wear any pants, but his upper clothing covered that part up, and you'd have to be an idiot if you didn't wear anything that covered your private parts. His face was much similar to his comrades, where a nose would be on a human, on him there was no nose, but a pair of nostrils in a flat face if you looked at him sideways. Where his left eye should be, there was an eye patch made out of small silver scales and embedded with three brightly coloured gems to form a triangle, a ruby on top, an emerald on the right side and a sapphire on the left. On his left side of the waist, there was a sheathed sword decorated with rubies."
... These two scenes show much of your prowess, yet they also leave one of the Three Key Elements of battle scenes in abhor, leaving the critical flaw open to all to see: Effect. The Key Elements are Effect, Pacing and Description. Pacing itself is fine, it radiates that sinister feel when a camera starts panning upwards to reveal a villain or antagonist in all his/her/its glory and 'Badarsery', as it is dubbed, allowing the viewer to revel in the detail seeping from the design. The Description is also up to par; the narrative with which it is said might be slightly sub-par, as it, much like I have stressed before, gives off a more matter-of-fact-esque vibe, but the skill you put into it more than justifies that slight mishap. The real error is the Effect: As descriptive as your combat be, there is no real effect until after the scene itself is done, and even then, the lack of quick-time indicators and an in-depth revelation of what occurred leaves the reader thirsting for more, and receiving far less in lieu. Another example:
"Negi looked oddly at him, before feeling something painful from his arm. When he looked at it, infections were happening all across it. His vision was getting blurry and his legs got weak, could barely hold his weight. And the last thing he saw was his students running towards him stretching out their hands."
...Felt something painful. That's all we know. No sudden exclamations, no gasps of fatigued shock, nothing. Just a painful feeling and then, 'Lights out'. As hard as you tried with this, it leaves a reader feeling violated as it lacks effect. That is where you hit a rut in this chapter.
Then there are your other fights, like where Big Green Bad duels Takane or certain scenes where Negi fights Fashtar. Here description and effect are in full swing, but it be the pacing which lacks, and yet, others where pacing and description are wholly present, but effect nowhere to be seen.
Any fool can see the sheer magnitude of the drive you exhibit in your fights - and drive and a will to do, to complete, to CRAFT, is a very useful aspect in storytelling. However, it irks me to say that, while your drive was painfully obvious, the passion was not - Simply writing a scene will not do; rushing through a paragraph due to fatigue or anticipation for another scene is a critical flaw; and then leaving such a scene to receive an even less potent sequential scene is enough to instill scorn in your more sensible readers. Any scene, especially a fight scene, needs a pace and a passion to fit it like a customized glove. Fight scenes require a pace as furiously intense and mind-boggling as a DragonForce guitar solo, and a passion you would normally display whilst speaking of the things in life you regard above all else; a heartfelt emotion from the depths of your inner being, allowing you to pour waves of your soul into your text. THAT is what you - and I, least I sound too pragmatic - still need to master. THAT is what truly defines a story.
The Ugly - On a far lighter note, sir, I must offer you a hearty round of congratulations on this matter. This chapter had not ONE Ugly element to it - all was there to be normally praised or penned. This is where the amount of dedication to your story truly comes under the spotlight - and the fact of it made my normally stoic face break into the most astonished grin. This is the first chapter I have read in about four months that had no Ugly Elements to it - a feat normally reserved for only the most skilled. So I bid you a fair hand of applause, for such a tremendous achievement. Truly, you have earned the reputation you hold a few times over... So far, at least.
Well, that's that, and, hopefully, no harm done. I do bear the fact that this is an older chapter in mind, but being the critic, I am enticed to respond nonetheless. I read, I criticized, and I praised - now I take my leave, until the next review pours from the folds of this dark mind of mine . Until that time comes, I bid you farewell, and good luck.
P.S - Big Green Bad sounds not like a Tau warrior to these honed ears of mine - Big minigun, large axe... Would that, mayhaps, be an Ork?