|Reviews for Power of the Mind|
| Chaos Productions chapter 1 . 9/29/2010
Well, I finally recieve a break long enough to get started on this story again. I must admit, I read this chapter a tad cautious of what I saw in Protege's Honeymoon, but it seems that I worried in vain. Instead of being simply 'good' like P.H was, this chapter was actually quite intriguing. I did, however, see some past reviews I left you - and cringed when I thought back to that time when I was nothing a mindless zombie who cared only for blood and guts in a story. Please, sir, ignore those few reviews I left you - I am not that mindless 'child' anymore. I am a critic, as you saw in my P.H review, not a mindless cheerleader.
Now, I remember slightly, from the few chapters past that I recall, that this story classifies as a multicrossover. That alone deserves a round of applause - multicrossovers for Negima generally fail because of all the different fandoms that hold elements/protagonists/antagonists who could tear Negi a few new eye-sockets and such. Yours, however, brings an air of believability with it, and the fact that it is, paragraph-wise, well-structured and incredulously paced serves only to make me raise a brow in surprise. Even if this is just chapter one, I'm very impressed so far - the amount of time, thought and painstaking emotional/mental detail is very apt. Bravo, good sir, bravo.
But with every pure aspect, a corrupted one is soon to follow. Where there is light, ther is darkness; where ther are good aspects, there are also bad ones, and unfortunately, this ficlet also suffers of a few. I will, once again, give the guard before my sniper-tongue a tea break, and come at you with honesty that can rival Simon Cowell himself, one one simple, yet crucial matter: Your punctuation and word order.
Tell me, sir, when you upload a document, do you edit only to add the line breaks, or do you edit to re-read your chapter for any errors? I found several cases of severely confusing material here, ranging from missing words - which could or could not cause the chapter to fall into disarray - all the way to incorrect sentence structure, another critical flaw. I should know - I suffered (and still suffer) under these treacherous nuances. An especially confusing part were the exclaimed questions ending with '?'. If I may give you a bit of advice, when typing such a question, type the question mark first, then the exclamation mark - FFN has a habit of dropping away the second punctuation mark, and a question ending on an exclamation mark... Not exactly nice on the eye, nor the mind...
Your sentence structure could also use some work - certain words are swapped into places that critically obstruct the flow of a sentence, turning what could've been something marvellously descriptive into nothing but a tangled mess of words. I suggest you go over your chapters painstakingly in the future, in order to route out such tendencies. If this part confuses you, sir, let me know; I will supply a few sentences that had me reeling a bit.
And lastly, the overall flow of your paragraphs. While they are well-structured, there are way too many periods to ensure that paragraph containing, say, a quick time event, can execute itself fluidly - for that there needs to be a tad more description and optionally, if you can pull it off, metaphorical/similie use. If you can work on that, this story will undoubtedly take a turn for the better - the much better, might I add.
Other than that, I have no qualms with this story. It's gripping, interesting and often addicting at some parts. So on those notes I say you did a fine job there, sir. I will continue to read, and post a review every four or five chapters - thought it might take a while, as this story is good enough to make me leave my pretenses and say "Read First, Scan For Flaws Afterwards." Such is the level of skill this is written with - a clear improvement on the first Chapter of Protege's Honeymoon.
Well, that's that, and - hopefully - no critical harm done. If you'll excuse me, good sir, I am off to go devour the rest of your chapters frivolously. :)
'Til the next review cometh, fare thee well,
| Twilight Kyu chapter 41 . 9/13/2010
Finally Nodoka got her arm back.
Looks like things started to get even more interesting.
Keep it up!
| vastler75 chapter 41 . 9/11/2010
okay...good so far...still a bit shock of the "hand" thing
anyway...nodoka is gonna...*sigh*...train.
also there seems to be some missing party members here...where are they?
| Twilight Kyu chapter 40 . 8/28/2010
*Chester A. Bum impression*
Oh my God, this is the greatest fic I've ever read in my life!
Anyway, great chapter.
Wonder what will happen to Asuna next. Hopefully, Nodoka would get her arm back.
Keep it up!
*Chester A. Bum impression*
Change! You got change? Aww come on, help a guy out, will ya!
| EthernalRain chapter 40 . 8/26/2010
Still awesome story. Also I agree about the ME weapons thing.
| EmissaryX chapter 39 . 8/13/2010
what? That was dark, slicing Nodoka's hand..
so Drinde has showed up, eh? This should be interesting.
Keep it up!
| vastler75 chapter 39 . 8/11/2010
Kurush...as a friend & fellow fan of Negima, i would like to say
WHAT THE HELL!
Slicing of Nodoka's hand! that's...that's...as worst as Superboy Prime Vaporizing a Pregnant Women!
ugh...okay now that's out
I'm gonna go get my brain bleach now
| Stigma chapter 1 . 8/5/2010
Nodoka is my favorite Negi girl, but not enough to want to read a complete Nodoka centric storyline that trumps Negi out as lead role. Add in that I seen you've tossed in yuri, and it's definite that I'll take my leave.
| Twilight Kyu chapter 38 . 8/3/2010
Looks like everyone is going for the next adventure... IN SPACE!
I'm not really a yuri fan though.
Anyway, it's great to see those cheerleaders again. I can't wait for the next chapter!
Keep it up!
| Twilight Kyu chapter 36 . 8/3/2010
This chapter improves a lot.
Wonder how Nodoka is doing...
| Twilight Kyu chapter 32 . 8/3/2010
Whoa, this IS the longest chapter of the story. Yet, it still enjoyable.
| Twilight Kyu chapter 27 . 8/3/2010
So Nodoka's adventure finally begins. Couldn't say if there are going to be trouble waiting for her.
Anyway, nice ending, I nearly laugh seeing the dialogue being 'cut'
| Twilight Kyu chapter 25 . 8/3/2010
so the next chapter is going to be the last chapter of the Arcadia arc, huh?
This is almost like watching an anime...
| Twilight Kyu chapter 23 . 8/3/2010
Now that's what I called a fight with Rachel! One of the greatest fight scene that I've ever read!
| Twilight Kyu chapter 20 . 8/3/2010
The more I read this, the more interesting it becomes.
I really like it. And wow, this is the longest chapter that you wrote as of yet.
Well, KotaruXNatsumi was certainly a good point in this chapter.