|Reviews for To Live|
| IBelongToAVampire chapter 18 . 12/13/2009
Great story ! Going to read the sequel now :)
| Just Me and My Vamps chapter 16 . 11/30/2009
| Just Me and My Vamps chapter 11 . 11/30/2009
So when Edward gets release do the humans know what he is or does he have sex with vampires? But good chapter
| Just Me and My Vamps chapter 9 . 11/30/2009
Stalker Eddie is hot I want a Edward waiting in my room lol
| Just Me and My Vamps chapter 7 . 11/30/2009
Good chapter now waht are lady things?
| Just Me and My Vamps chapter 1 . 11/29/2009
Interesting can't wait to read the next chapter
| Suzy Q Something chapter 1 . 10/28/2009
I enjoyed reading this. My only complaint would be the grammar.
| poppypants chapter 6 . 10/11/2009
LOVE IT DONT STOP! AH-MAZING STORY!
| jeanie7 chapter 1 . 10/7/2009
I dont know how many times I have to say this but darkward is so hot please finish this story
| Objective chapter 2 . 9/6/2009
Word misuse makes this story unreadable.
| Russian-Angel-92 chapter 1 . 8/22/2009
i feel sorry for peter pan and wendy! lol. I cant believe you got THIS from a kids programme! Ah well...whatever floats your boat...sounds good though. I dont normally like ones classed as 'tradgedy' coz i read one and bella died in the end and i was distraut. Still...i suppose its better than edward dying even if he is a prick like i expect hes gonna be in this one. I say again though, not insulting it, it really does sound good. Im guessing that edward changes her at the end of this one though considering she is 'nearly dead' and he said 'I will come back for you'
| MRS.CULLEN1122 chapter 1 . 6/26/2009
IS BELLA A VAMP OR HUMAN ? SEMMS GREAT SO FAR !
| marie1976 chapter 19 . 6/23/2009
i loved thos story edward is evil but i like it can t wait to read the sequal
| dyly chapter 18 . 6/18/2009
well i just read the whole of this. it's great, plotwise. dark edward is always great.
i know you said you had a beta, but i have no idea what they was doing. the grammar and spelling in this is atrocious. im not saying that meanly, but seriously, there are commas in the wrong place, wrongly spelt words and appalling grammar throughout this fic.
the point of a beta is that they correct your mistakes. ok, maybe you don't spot them to correct them yourself but atleast get a beta who can. Your beta is useless if they can't fix the blatantly obvious errors in your work. go back and read what you've already posted, it shold be obvious. Here are a few from the last chapter:
"and a that grin on his face" (no 'a' in this phrase)
"my eyes never parted away from" (read it in your head, there shouldn't be an 'away' here)
"if I did there will be hell to pay" (this came right after the phrase above. you've changed tenses mid-sentance. it should be 'there would be')
"I screamed hitting on his chest" (now this is just bad english, of which there seems to be a lot. there's no 'on' here.)
"Ignoring his screams to get me back" (this makes no sense, 'ignoring his screams to come back' would be more appropriate)
"I knew very well they’ve gone down to the city" (past tense! they'd gone is what you want)
and a general comment. you seem to always write in very long sentances. now there's nothing wrong with that, but if that's how you're going to write you have to know how to correctly use commas. You put commas everywhere where they're no needed but not where they are, again bad grammar. Eg:
"But I halted my actions almost too soon, before reality hit me right on the face, if I was daring to see him again I needed protection so I went down to my house, because right now I had to wear my mother’s gift, something I’ve been hoping not to do anymore, because I felt like I didn’t need protection anywhere."
Which should be:
"But i halted my actions almost too late when reality hit me in the face. If i was daring to see him again i needed protection. So i went down to my house because i needed to find my mother's gift. It was something i'd been hoping not to do anymore because i'd felt like i didn't need protection anywhere."
As you can see your sentance was completely wrong.
This was taken from just the first half of your last chapter. can you see my point now?
perhaps you should spend some more time re-reading your work after you write it/update it. some mistakes are glaringly obvious, and stuff like that takes away from the quality of your fic. don't underestimate the importance of good quality grammar and spelling.
have a word with your beta or find a new one.
im going to read the sequel now. i hope that's better :S
| wildcatazz chapter 18 . 6/17/2009