|Reviews for To Live|
| dyly chapter 18 . 6/18/2009
well i just read the whole of this. it's great, plotwise. dark edward is always great.
i know you said you had a beta, but i have no idea what they was doing. the grammar and spelling in this is atrocious. im not saying that meanly, but seriously, there are commas in the wrong place, wrongly spelt words and appalling grammar throughout this fic.
the point of a beta is that they correct your mistakes. ok, maybe you don't spot them to correct them yourself but atleast get a beta who can. Your beta is useless if they can't fix the blatantly obvious errors in your work. go back and read what you've already posted, it shold be obvious. Here are a few from the last chapter:
"and a that grin on his face" (no 'a' in this phrase)
"my eyes never parted away from" (read it in your head, there shouldn't be an 'away' here)
"if I did there will be hell to pay" (this came right after the phrase above. you've changed tenses mid-sentance. it should be 'there would be')
"I screamed hitting on his chest" (now this is just bad english, of which there seems to be a lot. there's no 'on' here.)
"Ignoring his screams to get me back" (this makes no sense, 'ignoring his screams to come back' would be more appropriate)
"I knew very well they’ve gone down to the city" (past tense! they'd gone is what you want)
and a general comment. you seem to always write in very long sentances. now there's nothing wrong with that, but if that's how you're going to write you have to know how to correctly use commas. You put commas everywhere where they're no needed but not where they are, again bad grammar. Eg:
"But I halted my actions almost too soon, before reality hit me right on the face, if I was daring to see him again I needed protection so I went down to my house, because right now I had to wear my mother’s gift, something I’ve been hoping not to do anymore, because I felt like I didn’t need protection anywhere."
Which should be:
"But i halted my actions almost too late when reality hit me in the face. If i was daring to see him again i needed protection. So i went down to my house because i needed to find my mother's gift. It was something i'd been hoping not to do anymore because i'd felt like i didn't need protection anywhere."
As you can see your sentance was completely wrong.
This was taken from just the first half of your last chapter. can you see my point now?
perhaps you should spend some more time re-reading your work after you write it/update it. some mistakes are glaringly obvious, and stuff like that takes away from the quality of your fic. don't underestimate the importance of good quality grammar and spelling.
have a word with your beta or find a new one.
im going to read the sequel now. i hope that's better :S
| wildcatazz chapter 18 . 6/17/2009
| fiestyred71 chapter 18 . 6/10/2009
This story was awesome. I would've been screaming if I didn't know there was a sequel...so I'll hop on that next.
Your creativity was very intriguing..small snippets of the Twilight Saga thruout-but with your own very interesting twists. Bravo! I love how dark Edward was..yet he softened up around Bella..only to harden again when he felt rejected and sold out by her telling Jacob. I was pissed that she opened her darn mouth to Jacob.
As others have stated..your grammar, use of what "person" (1st or 3rd) is talking, and word usage needs to be corrected. But the story was still able to be followed...and it was addictive.
By the way...what is the link on the bottom about dark Edward stories? It's a broken link.
| ridda chapter 6 . 6/9/2009
| Immortalfantasylover chapter 19 . 5/23/2009
Those villagers are completley mean! Poor Edward!
| pinkydog123 chapter 8 . 5/8/2009
your words are a little jumbled and its confusing to read sometimes, but other than that i really like this story _
| leanncer chapter 9 . 5/6/2009
i hated it so much...i decided to read the whole story over and over and over again yep :) :) :)
| leanncer chapter 3 . 5/6/2009
dont stop writing
| A huge fan chapter 19 . 4/12/2009
Just to let you know...OMG! Your story rocks! I can't wait for the next one. The only problem that I thought was that you didn't describe enough of Edwards transformation from lust to love. One second he's lusting then the next he is desperately in love with her.
Other than that...ek! I can't wait for the sequel. :-)
| desintx chapter 19 . 4/1/2009
I just read this story today, amazing, I am so going to read your sequel, hopeing I can find it. I love Bella and Edward together and all fluffy, but this idea you had was awesome, I like the story and the twists.
| magaliaa chapter 12 . 3/26/2009
“Tell him she’s fucking!” “And that she’s enjoying it,”
fricken hilarious. oh course he had to add that shes enjoying it. his pride and all
| BelovedMikura chapter 19 . 3/3/2009
Omg! This is perfect and just...W.O.W.
I don't usually read stories with Edward leaving in the end and such but I just really loved this. Plus I'm all for Dark/Dom Edward. He's just to sexy! :)
But I loved this storie and how you put everything together. It was great. And I'm off to read the sequel!
| reader chapter 18 . 2/21/2009
Fantastic story, i mean really amazing.
Even though right now I'm crying my eyes out!
I'm curious about the sequel, I'll read it now, and I know its a very, VERY dark Edward but I could care less as long as Edward and Bella end up together.
You better let that happen!please!
Or else I freak out! And I'll never forget this story, IN THE BAD WAY!
| ThE.cOlOr.BlAcK.iS.mIsSiNg chapter 19 . 2/14/2009
going to read the sequel now! AH!
| simmerk chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
This story was breathtaking. I don't generally read stories until they are completed because I get annoyed when authors abbandon their projects but I will have to make an acception to "to die" because I simply can't wait. Brilliant!