|Reviews for Mosrael, the Waker|
| Jamasia chapter 1 . 1/29/2010
Very good first chapter, very captivating but a few things did just jump out at me as wrong.
"enshrouded in what could only be described as liquid shadows" I would just have said that her skin was shrouded in liquid shadows.
Also calling eyes "spheres" is unusual and I think breaks the feel a bit.
There is nothing fundamentally wrong with this line: "until twelve generations had withered, decrepit and dead, and buried" but I think it's a little clumsy an would have chosen "until twelve generations had lived, grown old [or withered] and died, buried beneath..."
Unless is a mathmatical text, don't say exponentially - say the population exploded or boomed.
But as a whole chpater it's good. Off to read chapter two...
| Sithstrukk chapter 1 . 12/28/2009
Mosrael's a sweetheart, isn't she? :) The story was really good-I loved all the description. That made the story really stand out.
And it's dark. I love it! You're really good at describing characters.
| Shiner Shining Bright chapter 2 . 12/25/2009
Nice. Dark. I like it.
| Shiner Shining Bright chapter 1 . 12/25/2009
Wow. This is really good! I like how since Mosrael's the Waker, the bell mosy favored my necromancers, she's more haunted. Good job and moving on to the next chapter!
| crazybeagle chapter 2 . 12/25/2009
AGH very creepy. I didn't get the vibe that any of the "shiners" was in essence sinister, so very nice direction in which to take this story. Are you going to do all the bells (or yrael or orannis)?
| Miss.gonnastabyou chapter 1 . 4/9/2009
you're very poetic, its sweet
i got zoned in from the first paragraph, five stars to you!
| Iskeirka chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
This is remarkably written, I love your style. So poetic and flowing and wonderful to read. I'm just sad that the chapter was so short. Mosrael sounds like a charming girl. Update soon, okay?
| Astreals Ashes chapter 1 . 12/17/2008
Very good story. God mosreal such a charming girl:)
| crazybeagle chapter 1 . 12/17/2008
WOW. Mosrael sounds like a wonderful, charming, darling girl lol. Keep it up. You have a beautiful, poetic writing style. What city, by the way? I'd think Mosrael as one of the Shiners would be older than Belsaere (or however you spell the name of the capitol city). Unless Belsaere is really old.
;) update soon