|Reviews for The Ship Sailed On|
| uchiha.baby chapter 1 . 1/11/2011
well yes thats a summary,but everyone that ahs seen the movie knows that? wheres the creativity?
| Ariadne'sThread chapter 1 . 3/13/2009
Please, PLEASE don't take this the wrong way, but is English your first language? I ask because your grammar is a little clunky in places, for example: (brackets are mine)
"Screams emanate from the decks; women and men slip and fall, (misplaced comma) in the corridors as greedy men stab them, (greedy men sounds too trivial; as though they're stealing chocolate or something. Simply describing them as men, without providing a motive would be much more chilling) and slit their throats, laughing with maniacal eyes! (Who is laughing; the killers or the people being killed? And the scary thing about the murderers is that they're not crazed lunatics, but working with chilling efficency)"
I'm really sorry, but all of it is like this. You use sophisticated words like emanated but they don't always mean exactly what they're supposed to and in a lot of cases you confuse your pronouns, so it's hard to tell who's doing what.
I'm really not trying to be mean, because I really do think this could be a good story. I beta for Ghost Ship and would be only too happy to help you revise this story if you want me to. Or if you want someone else there are eleven other beta readers listed for the Ghost Ship fandom.