Reviews for Naruto Genkyouien
BowP chapter 26 . 3/11/2012
Right now, I have only one thought.

I WANT SCENE 26!

Awesome job as always. keep the story going, no matter how long updates take.
tomhunt98 chapter 26 . 3/9/2012
you know...the more i read and re-read this story, the more I realize that this is my favorite story on this site. It is the most original story I've ever read. The story doesn't take itself seriously, which only adds to the value and humor of the story itself.

I don't know of the Higashiyama Foxes are your idea or not. On the one side, I've never heard of the characters or setup before. But on the other, the characters have so much background and character and the way they interact with each other and their complex personalities...it looks like it has been done professionally. Whatever the case, I very much enjoy reading about these kitsune characters as much as the main characters.

Usually, I don't care for OCs since they have so little background and don't amount to much. But I must say that you have done so masterfully.

Not only are your kitsune characters the best OC's I've ever seen, this is the best planned out story as well. I've NEVER even imagined doing a story where each chapter is shows different scenes, telling only one person's side of the story, and only at the end do we have the full picture.

Also, the explanations for how things work also makes perfect sense. A perfect example of this is Sayoko's explaining the Void to Yuriyo. This also took a long time to think and write out how this stuff works. I only wish I had half your talent in planning.

The humor, my god, is spot on. I love Shino and his creepiness. He also has some of the best lines in the whole story (I nearly died a couple of times).

Overall, this is my favorite story and wish to see more very soon. And because of this story, I'm going to do something that I RARELY do. You have just made my favorite authors list.

Keep up the good work and please keep updating this story.
quentan chapter 18 . 3/9/2012
wow a portal refrence in a naruto ffn... my hat's off to you.
ssjgokillo chapter 26 . 3/9/2012
Wha? That's it? No! I need more! MOAR!

On a serious note, what a story. You have, somehow and against all odds, created a group of xover/ocs that I can actually care about. I find myself heartbroken by Mayuri and Sayuris plights, I was enraged when Yuria struck he claim to spite Yurimi, and even Kotonoha and Setsuna have become endlessly awesome.

In short, this is a great fic, and I need more of it. I will pay you in the amount of 100 internet cookies per chapter released!

Tl;dr

Great story, going on faves, looking forward to the next chapter.
Fiendfluyd chapter 26 . 3/8/2012
Slight nitpick: near the end of scene 5, there's that short paragraph where the narrator summarizes Kotonoha's words to Naruto about her relationship with her daughter (it begins, "Without any other cue..."). I think this would have been more emotional if we heard it from Kotonoha herself. When the narrator intercedes, it creates an emotional distance, which doesn't feel right for such an intimate scene. Kotonoha doesn't have to say a lot; in fact, she doesn't have to say anything beyond what's already there. To ease the transition into the more personal disclosures, she could even start with the more casual line about swinging, e.g.:

"Naruto-sama...I don't think...I ever did this with my Haruka," Kotonoha admitted. "Perhaps my relationship with her wasn't entirely...ideal...my mother actually did most of the job raising her until she married into the Hyuuga clan...and, well, Makoto-kun can't give me any more children to pamper...heheh..."

Something like that, to give you an idea (the stuff explaining that this is why Kotonoha knows so much about the Hyuuga and Naruto's reminder to himself to visit Hinata seems largely superfluous - most readers already figured this out). It would be a warmer scene IMO if we heard exactly what Naruto heard - as readers, we would then feel more of the closeness to Kotonoha that Naruto feels.

Anyway, it's something to keep in mind for the future.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

That little criticism aside, I think you did a beautiful job in the rest of this chapter developing Naruto and Kotonoha's relationship. All of it comes together perfectly: Naruto asking Kotonoha to swing and leave Makoto on the bench to "stay here and watch"; Naruto himself being cheered up so quickly by Kotonoha and Yuria after Sakura's snub, showing that they're truly becoming some of his most important people; Kotonoha suddenly forgetting Makoto at home after years of keeping him by her side, after only a week of coming to know Naruto; and of course, the wonderful, sweet and awkward bathhouse scene.

Loli Setsuna wouldn't quite be complete without MILF Kotonoha to counterbalance her, eh? These two really are destined rivals. ;)

On another note, I was interested to learn that half-kitsune don't live much longer than normal humans. I've assumed up to this point that Setsuna was half-human, but with her centuries-long life so far, she must be more like 1/4th or 1/8th or something like that.
Phantom Dark-Knight chapter 4 . 3/8/2012
WTF?
Calm Current chapter 26 . 3/7/2012
Reading this makes me remember why Fanfiction is worth it. This is such a gem.
Fiendfluyd chapter 25 . 3/7/2012
I've enjoyed the temporally scrambled structure of chapter 15 so far. Since it's my second time through, I've been able to piece together as-yet unrevealed plot points here and there-it seems that Naruto and Yuria went to visit Rock Lee (and inadvertently, psycho-mode Gaara) in the hospital, instead of Naruto and Shikamaru as in canon. I imagine this is about where Yuria was introduced to Maito Gai as well. Gated Yuria in skintight green spandex is an amusing thought XD. Yurimi won't know what hit her.

In any case, the basic framework reminds me of season 1 of the Haruhi anime. I hope this isn't a setup for a blasphemous eldritch joke on your fanbase in which you use Mayuri as an excuse to pull an Endless 8 stunt in Genkyouien!

When you're done with chapter 15, I'm going to buckle down to some heavy MS Word copypasta and read it again in chronological order. Should be fun to see how it flows that way. I've been keeping track of what scenes show up on each "Side." So far there's been an average of 5.5 scenes per Side, with the highest revealed scene being #37, so at this rate, 7 Sides looks a little more likely than 6. "Yuria Side" and "Yurimi Side" are probably a given...if there were 7, to whom would the last go? Yuri seems a bit too distant and matriarchical to chum around with Naruto for thousands of words...Kokoro, Sayoko, Yurine, Yurisa and Yuriko/a seem unlikely...so probably Sayuri? I suppose she's been gone for so long that, even though she's basically the deuteragonist, she would deserve her own chapter so we can catch up with what she's been up to.

Tonikaku! However you decide to write them, I'm looking forward to the next chapters. Hope you're having as much of a blast writing Genkyouien as we are reading it.
Unknown-Ark chapter 26 . 3/6/2012
yo just wondering when your going to get to the final exam were he fights neji

?
Fiendfluyd chapter 21 . 3/6/2012
I chuckled at the abrupt dismissal of Yuriko and Yurika with the words "Two less OCs to worry about," though I'm curious whether you intend for them to play a more prominent role in the future.

Their status is unique as the only lesbian Lilies, and they're relatively young to boot (only slightly older than Yuria). This makes them young enough to actually be able to have a lot of fun with Naruto, while possessing absolutely no sexual interest in him. Add in the fact that they're pranksters just like him, and we seem to have the makings of a potentially awesome friendship here. They could be Naruto's bros, just like Yuria.

Admittedly there are A LOT of OCs, so it's understandable that some simply can't be expanded on if you intend to finish this fic within the next 50 years. Still, I can't help feeling that Yuriko and Yurika have a very promising "Fred and George Weasley" kind of potential.

The biggest obstacle so far is that we know next to nothing about them, even though they're on this trip to Konoha. Honestly they have about as much character development as canon TenTen. Even Yurisa, who's the next most undeveloped Higashiyama on this trip, has the distinction of being extremely talented with ghost techniques, being constantly melancholy due to her status as Mayuri's very dedicated mother, and having a passing interest in houseplants, over which she bonded slightly with Naruto. About Yuriko/a we only know that they're lesbians, pranksters and good with illusions, and IIRC they haven't had a real (extended) conversation with anyone besides themselves and Anko, and that was in only one chapter.
Grubke15 chapter 26 . 3/6/2012
amazing i absolutely love this story and I'm finely getting to be able to tell everyones names by heart naruto is growing in depth and strength and were getting close ... to when he'll be able to prove himself as a person whose strong and won't be just another human to be used by the youki and i can't wait to see him shine :) - your faithful reader
DustyH20 chapter 26 . 3/6/2012
This is my favorite story right now. I'm so glad that you updated! Looking forward to more chapters!
Solwing chapter 26 . 3/6/2012
I really enjoy this story, but the way this arc Lily of the Many Petals is being written is quite frustrating. You must be using an outline to keep the story straight because of how long this story arc is. Well as a reader without such an outline how can you expect us to keep straight what is happening with just a scene number? It's very difficult to recall what happened before or after a scene when that part was written in a chapter that came out weeks ago.

Basicallly this just breaks the story up to random scenes without context. While these are enjoyable in of themselves, the story definitely suffers. I hope you either release some sort of outline or even consider redoing these chapters so that the scenes are in order.
tenchifew chapter 26 . 3/6/2012
Another absolutely great chapter.

Kotonoha is a very intersting character. She is trying, and more importantly, succeeding, in showing Naruto what it is supposed to be to have a mother, although she is doing it Kitsune style.

Without her he probably would break. It is very interesting to see how different the chapters are emotioally. Again to separate the chapter in character interaction was a grand idea.

Thank you very much for writing, eagerly aait next chapter.
ApexPredator chapter 26 . 3/5/2012
You're right, short but definitely important
5,470 | « Prev Page 1 .. 220 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 240 .. Last Next »