Reviews for FireStorm
Windschild8178 chapter 1 . 4/9/2010
Great Chapter by the way...

Um. For some odd reason I couldn't reply to your reply so... I decided to send it through a review.

Here it goes...

Start of fic:

Naruto 10

Akira 14

Team 8's sensie Kuriena has a brother... the bad guy of the fic (Bad guys almost always oc to avoid narrow plot line in my stories). I swear to god this isn't a reaccuring theme I just thought it made it more... personal and more of a way that Naruto woudln't be able to avoid taking care of the child but... Akira is pretty much Naruto's best friend/big sister/fellow orphan. She gets raped by Kuriena's brother and impregnated but Konoha doesn't allow for abortions because of their morals [lame reason i'll come up with a better one later] She dies in childbirth begging Naruto not to allow the father to get ahold of her baby. Unfortanutely baby inherits red eyes of Yuhi clan so anyone who sees the baby girl will know and take the baby away. Thus... Naruto stuck with baby. Second orphan is a little boy of 5 whose living on the streets after being abandoned for NOT possessing the bloodline of the Yamanaka that can be identified by the absents of the pupil in the iris. [I'm assuming the Yamanaka clan is big] and that Inoichi does not know of the abandonement. Naruto, who is too good for his own good, can't leave the kid to die. Story follows these events and then continues till discovery of children by team much later on... possibly longer but thats what I got so far in my head. Lots of ideas in between but you got the point. Please tell me what you think!
Apex of Ruin chapter 1 . 3/18/2010
Ugh, sorry to say but your story is in serious, SERIOUS need of a beta. The detail is off, you try to give some and yet you leave out a lot. You repeat words over and over again; use a thesaurus. And Naruto's just too out of character, even for someone who has a "hidden genius."

Understand, I'm trying to give constructive criticism; take a writing/grammar class or go back and correct these chapters, cause it gives me a headache trying to read with all the errors. You can try and give Naruto a personality and build on the history between everyone, make up a whole past and write more, but it still sounds like someone in JR High is writing this.

Good luck. :)
algebraiya chapter 3 . 2/18/2010
great story, incredible detail, keep up the good work!
marc chapter 2 . 2/18/2010
excellent story, great details, awesome fight scenes
The King in White chapter 9 . 2/11/2010
I think that this was an amazingly convoluted story that was well-written with so many little ideas behind it that it is unbelievable. Also this whole concept of Naruto the clone is something I've never even read or conceived of before.

The only thing I didn't really like was the ending of Naruto just running away from everything. It just seems kind of wrong, you know?

Well done. Superb.
Midnight Phase chapter 9 . 2/9/2010
I have seen and read many missing hokage fics and while I'm sure the idea is good, I found them somewhat repetitive. Now this one on the other hand is quite something different. Your Naruto certainly was different. Like another I read, it had a factor that made it truly unique and in some ways... scary. This is a good plot line, entirly something new, and I'm hoping you'll consider adding more at another time. As your last note said, you're considering another Naruto plot. I'm looking forward to it. :D
acap88 chapter 9 . 2/8/2010
Hmm, I've to re-read this story a few times, just to understand it. One word. Great. Really, really great. You'd explained the chaos, actions, values. Not much can I say, this is a GOOD story.

Hokage run from village? Clone of Yondaime? Storm of fire?

Originality, yeah, you could've score 6 out of 5. Madara, good guy? Hell n-yes. Superb. 'Thus, you learn the true art of politic.'

I'll wait for another great, mind-blowing fic. You'd make me thinks more with this story, now I demand more! Muahaha!

Now, where's my cookie?(*shook head*) No sequel?(*shook head*) Then, finish the other damn fic! Wargh! XD
Korora12 chapter 9 . 1/31/2010
I was really hoping to see you write a sequel to your own story. I loved your writing style in this story, despite how the editors may feel. Nonetheless, if your next story is even close to being as good as this one, I'll probably end up reading it.
skepsis66 chapter 9 . 1/30/2010
Wow! Absolutely magnificent story! I loved the ending - I'm in awe of the visions you conjure with your words. It's a shame you're not inspired enough to write the sequel - you've planned it wonderfully already! But, nevertheless, this is one of the best I've read on fanfiction.
mountainelements chapter 9 . 1/29/2010
Great story. I especially appreciate how you gave a summary of how the rest of the story was supposed to go at the end. I wish more authors would do the same.
J. Palmgren chapter 9 . 1/29/2010
This entire fic but especially the last two chapters were pretty much a depressive incomprehensible mess. The entire killing of Yakumo was a) To swiftly handled in the plot. b) Unbelievable and c) Stupid.

The way after that you let Naruto walk around like some drug-abusing little emo who does nothing to eliminate or even inconvenience those responsible for his pains or punish the murder of Yakumo quite frankly disgusts me.

The plot feels very rushed and everything feels just flat and depressing. What happened did you just grow tired of this fic and decided to finish it as fast as possible?
The Epitome of Eccentricity chapter 9 . 1/26/2010
o.o'' That was... And odd ending. The story was- overall- confusing, hard to read, confusing, interesting, REALLY hard to read, and did I mention confusing? I like the plot, though!

An alternate ending to the non-existant sequal: The Rikudo Sennin wins, but the history of the Shinobi world was passed down from generaation to generation by one, new civilian clan. That clan would perserve the history of Shinobi by oral tradition untill one day, an estrange faux-author (read: Fan-fiction writer) wrote what happened on a website known as .
Barranca chapter 9 . 1/26/2010
Naruto destroyed Orochimaru, the greatest threat to Konoha and now the Hokage seat is free for the taking. Danzou would never let a weapon such as the Nine Tails escape but still he might be able to twist the events in his favor. I wonder what will happen to Konoha with Naruto gone. I hope the freedom will be worth it! And maybe Naruto's friends will understand.
Mimi chapter 2 . 1/25/2010
You need a beta. Like, badly. The parts are mostly obscure but once you swim past it and it's comprehensible it gets slightly better. But seriously.

A beta.

Overall, I give you extreme kudos for creativity.
Felixphoenix chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
The only thing that i have to tell you is that it could have been a great story if it wasn't a mess of jumbled and errand thoughts put together as a wannabe story.

Get some serious work done on the thing by clearing it out and organizing the plot and the sequence of the actions.

And for cryimh out loud get a f**king bets for the grammar vocabulary mistakes.

Maybe then it will resemble a story.
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