|Reviews for Mysterious Baby|
| jfxx1 chapter 10 . 4/1
| Monster chapter 10 . 3/23
ahhhhhhhhhh! XD pleasssseeeeee make another chapter! i love this story! :D
| Alex Prosper chapter 1 . 3/22
Ooh very interesting! So far the characters seem believable from the anime/manga, and you pulled off the anime feel in writing. Not easy to do without making the writing itself seem whimsical bordering on absurd.
But the English is a little shoddy. For example, you wrote: "That's (contraction for 'that is') his parents." "That is" indicates a singular noun. Correctly used it would be for one parent: "That's his parent." For plural, the correct way to write it is: "They're his parents",or even "those are his parents," since its in dialogue and some people do talk that way.
It's the same with your narrative voice. There is inconsistency between past and present tense. For example: "he decided that no one's around." "Decided" is past tense (you are narrating something that already happened) but "that's" (again) is a contraction for "that is" which is present form narration (you are narrating something that is currently happening). "that was" is what you probably want to use for past tense. This is why when you use third person point of view and past tense narration you should write out the words instead of using contractions which are used for informal speech. However that really depends on your narrative voice and informal speech seems to be popular in fiction these days. So if you are going to use contractions in your narration be careful about their grammatical tense.
There are also redundancies. Such as, "...And she turned into a lady! The three boys stared at her. She...she...she just turned into a lady!" There really is no need to repeat what you narrated with character thoughts or dialogue. May I suggest either using different expressions in the narration or deleting the boy's thoughts and simply draw their awe at Sunako's transformation. Like "She looked at the baby, smiled, and seemed to transform before their eyes. The three boys..." In this way you add a bit of wonder. The reader asks for one second, "what is this transformation? Is she suddenly beautiful? Did the others notice?" You answer this by the other characters' thoughts concerning the transformation and thereby elaborating on it. Redundancy stems the flow of a story. Try to spot them and eliminate them.
I know most of this has been critical but you mentioned in your bio you appreciate and learn from reviews so I thought I'd spend a few moments in pointing out your most glaring mistakes. I really do like the story, however. A little jarred by the grammar but all in all you have a good grasp on mystery, not revealing too much information too soon, and the characters are pretty spot on. :)
| ainna chapter 10 . 3/7
It was good keep going !
| pricklingsensation chapter 10 . 2/26
Thank you for updating, I think this was cool, even though that KImura guy makes me go all rachet, pls keep writing, ur really, really, good!
| Ainna chapter 9 . 2/22
Well Ms. Kuradennj I really thank you for continuing this story though i'm sad because it takes too long but don't worry we still support you, and Goodluck there! Keep studying...
| girl.az2001 chapter 9 . 1/9
nooo that bad because not finished it badly hope to continue the series and hope to end sunako and kyohei married and pregnant sunako
| melissa chapter 9 . 12/1/2014
more more more more! now!
| Guest chapter 9 . 11/12/2014
Please please PLEASE don't do this to me. A lot of my FAVORITE shows are leaving me with cliffhangers, and I was trying to find some resolution, and since I can't believe My stories that I make myself, I need someone to do it for me. AND YOU BETRAYED ME AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS GONNA GET ANSWERS, AND YOU LEFT ME THERE, WONDERING WHATS GONNA HAPPEN!
| B.LotusFlower chapter 1 . 9/26/2014
Awesome please continue! :)
| sadie chapter 9 . 9/7/2014
dude you have to continue
| Silver Shihouin chapter 9 . 8/21/2014
Yay I cannt wait for ur next up date
| reader chapter 9 . 8/4/2014
this is cute I hope you update soon.
| lily chapter 1 . 6/9/2014
come back and finisht this baby!
dont leave it alone in the dark of this page
i want you to write to the end of this trade
kyohei and sunako mean so much to me
and you are such writer with talent to make me reaaaaaaad
| Guest chapter 9 . 5/31/2014
I love this work, i hope ro read the next update soon!