Reviews for My Sister Rosalie, Book I: Captor
Enjorous chapter 12 . 12/10/2009
Wow, Rosalie seems so evil right now. But not in the chaotic way, more like the child with a magnifying glass burning ants. Such a casual disregard for life. Like she's exploring what life is objectively. Something that people can't do, because they're too close to it. I have no idea if that's what you intended, but I feel like I scratched through another layer of what's going on here.

Enjorous chapter 11 . 12/10/2009
Okay, so I got this image while reading it that Rosalie should be in a long black coat wearing a top hat with a long black handlebar mustache that she slowly twirled while revealing her "diabolical" plans for the poor Miss Swan. Who, of course was in a frilly pink and tied to railroad tracks securely fastened to Rose's back. And at the same time Rose is wearing a Mounty uniform underneath said black cloak.

Yes, for whatever reason this reminded me of the old Dudley Do Right cartoons. With Rose doubling as Snidely Whiplash and Dudley Do Right of course. And Bella as Nell. Don't ask me why. Just the image that came into my head.

Enjorous chapter 10 . 12/10/2009
And here I was about to ask if Rosalie was being truthful or sarcastic around Bella and the truth comes up to wallop me in the face like a blackjack. Too bad about the horse, I was just beginning to like the old girl. May she rest in peace *places hand over heart.*

I feel some kind words are in order. She was a good horse, she never reared if there was no cause. She would follow her master to the gates of hell and never bat an eye. Her existence was cut all too short by a vampire, but such is the nature of life. So let us not mourn Dolly's passing, let us thank God in heaven that such a beautiful horse graced this Earth and touched each and every one of our hearts. So now one final prayer. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust, we stick poor dead Dolly's body in the Earth's Crust. Now if you'll all come with me we have cookies and punch in the church.

Sorry, I couldn't resist. But hopefully my cliche filled review will brightens someones day when they read it.

I am glad to see that Rosalie...err...Lillian or whomever she is (I may start calling her Fluttergork, just to keep the names straight in my head) is up and active. Even if that means killing Bella's faithful stead, even though it is her nature and nature cannot be helped. But I'm going to stop now to see what happens with her hand around the poor ole hume's neck.

Jocelyn Torrent chapter 35 . 12/10/2009
I really liked this chapter. Rosalie was very definitive in everything she did, to me. Bella can't seem to do anything right, which is a shame, because it just makes Rose angry, haha.

"She noticed. She was about to do more shouting I was sure, but she snapped her mouth shut, swallowed hard, closed her eyes, becoming utterly still. She stood there for one second, then opened her black eyes and regarded me with an indecipherable look."

I really, really like that. It's so sweet. Rosalie senses that she's scaring Bella and tones it down. To be that livid and still see that flinch and distill her anger was so great, really.

Jocelyn Torrent chapter 34 . 12/10/2009
I'm sorry it's been so long since my review! I've just been reading and reading. I love that Rosalie got her voice back. While her not talking had great descriptions and such, it's nice to 'hear' her voice again.

Enjorous chapter 7 . 12/10/2009
If I'd only read one more chapter today I would have seen them getting longer, but I slightly expected that. It's how life works, no? And now I can review in a way that doesn't have a single correction. So I feel better now and glad that we cleared up all that mess. And earlier I didn't want to seem like I was coming out of the blue charging down off the hill on a black steed pointing out little flaws. Sorry I couldn't resist the imagery in that.

As I said, it is in my nature, and I may do all that become a man. In this case I'm the man. I know I shouldn't be quoting that Elizabethan new comer, I should quote something of Plato, or Milton maybe.

Tis better to rule in Hell than serve in Hev'n

Hmm, I don't like that...maybe: That which does not destroy me makes me stronger. Yes, I think I like that one a little more plus it's a bit more fitting.

Now to something that may actually resembles a review, since I seem to have found my words. I left them at home on my nightstand next to my note pad, and bottle of water. I didn't need them really today, except to review.

But this new, less cannon Edward is slightly more tolerable than his canon self. He's far less of a place where excrement comes from here than he normally is. But I'm not sure if this is in some parallel universe or if this is the same universe that canon takes place in and it's all a strange coincidence that they move to a place with a different Swan family and it's coincidence that the father is Charlie, and Isabella. But of course only time, and a lot more reading will tell.

And earlier when I said that Bella seemed smarter, I didn't mean more scholarly, I was getting more at that she possesses more common sense then the modern one. It's nice that she can put two and two together without someone giving her a plethora of hints.

AstronautZombieBerndi chapter 31 . 12/10/2009
Slightly inebriated Bella is the most amusing thing ever. Really. That entire spiel about finding Rosalie a guy was very amusing. Slightly painful to read about, but like watching a car crash, I just kept going. The conversation about Pride and Prejudice parallels, too, had that really awkward feel to it, and I think you did both well.

Bella really does have an impressive number of lives. Rosalie, too, has an impressive amount of patience. Due partly to this pattern of events, of being close to death and then being saved, these last ten chapters or so have started to feel slightly...aimless. They're stuck in a cabin together, for an indefinite period of time, and you keep having them repeating the same actions. Rosalie tries to get Bella to talk about herself, she goes to the bathroom, Bella sleeps some, she dodges more questions about herself, there are some weird dreams, and then she goes to the bathroom again. Without a clear event that they're leading up to, (because, unfortunately, as much as you talk about Rosalie killing Bella, the vague 'when' and 'how', or even 'why' detracts from the inevitability) the story is lagging. Obviously not /too/ much, as I'm still reading, but it is there.

I do think, however, that the little asides you have of Bella's memories of her life makes her more easy to relate to. God only knows how many times I've stared at an essay question and wanted to answer as she did, but couldn't do so.

Personally, I'm not enjoying the vast imbalance in their relationship, with the complete dependence Bella has on Rosalie, but it highlights well, despite how comfortable Bella is, that Rosalie has the power, and is the captor, something which I otherwise would forget amongst everything else. It's a good way to do so, without referring to Rosalie irritatingly as "her captor".

Bella really seems to have some self-esteem issues, and I do like that Rosalie seems pretty hell-bent on getting her to work past them. Looking for seven seconds in the mirror never seemed longer, or more painful, I have to say.
AstronautZombieBerndi chapter 21 . 12/10/2009
You seem to have a lot more casual style of first person narration in these chapters (and, I have to admit, a few more. It's a good sign when I have trouble stopping), than you did previously. Bella gets into whole arguments with herself, jokes to herself, etc, and while it can be enjoyable to read, I do find it a little...trying, sometimes, to have to wade through it all to come to a conclusion. It could probably be shown succinctly, in some cases, without detracting from the feeling of conflict that you seem to be trying to convey. That, or it's just writing on your part to signify just how stir-crazy Bella is becoming, with only a non-communicative vampire as company.

However, I do have to say that when Bella was off wandering around in the forest, in an attempt to find the outhouse, in a half-frozen daze, I felt the way you wrote her thoughts /there/, was really effective. The way she accepted her own explanations, despite their illogicality, and her focus on small, inconsequential things, such as her pillow, really highlighted the dire situation, and just how out of sorts she seemed. I liked that part, I've got to say.

Rosalie is...I'm still undecided about her. I kind of felt that her gigantic rant session was as bit out of character. Yes, it showed just how much she regretted and wished she were human, but I felt she was much more likely to envy silently, without having to put herself out there as she did. The entire rant brought attention to her vulnerability, her deep wish for humanity, which is something that she didn't reveal to Bella in the books until Eclipse, and only then after finding out about Bella's wish to be changed. Even though we knew, for the first two and a half books or so, that Rosalie hated/envied Bella, we never knew why, because she chose not to speak of it until that point. So, it just strikes me as a tad out of place. I suppose that it could be the difference of 70 or so years, and that she became reserved, and used to just dealing with her existence, but I dunno.

The dreams are interesting. I'm not really one for warped reality in movies or books and the like, and I tend to count dreams in that category, but there was a clear relevance with these, so I didn't mind them too much. Mind you, some of those visuals were a bit disturbing. And, as weird as it was, I can't think of a better way to show just how pragmatic Bella is, by having her actively discuss her own dismemberment and teeth-disposal. That's no nonsense. I'm not sure I'd be able to do so.

The next review will probably be a bit quicker, as I read ahead. (Skill, man)
Jocelyn Torrent chapter 25 . 12/10/2009
Ha, I really loved this chapter. Bella was so wonderful, running out not once but twice to reprimand her subconscious. Wonderful. I'm sure Rosalie got a kick out of that. What's also wonderful too, is that how many chapters has Rosalie not spoken? Really spoken? And yet so much is conveyed by actions, as it should be even if the both of them were able to speak normally. Because Rosalie is, at this point, only as deep as her physicalities give way to. Does that make sense? It's wonderful, being able to read the description of her, getting Bella's take on it, and then making your own conclusion as to what Rosalie's raised brow or cuticle examining really meant. You make the reader work for Rosalie, as they should.

Jocelyn Torrent chapter 24 . 12/10/2009
What a wonderfully interesting euphemism. I rather enjoyed that. It makes me want to read Rose by a Lemon Tree right now but I'm afraid I'm rather smitten with this particular story at the moment. And I blame you for that. But, I think you'll be okay with that :)

Enjorous chapter 6 . 12/10/2009
Okay, now I'm starting to feel like an ass for pointing out another potential mistake. This one not grammatical, but rather an anachronism. I probably wouldn't have picked up on it if one of my best friends wasn't a huge Twilight Zone buff. The Twilight Zone, to the best of my knowledge was only a TV show not a carryover from radio and didn't premier until 1959. But I'm not sure I'd worry about it, just kind of sent a red flag up for me, but once again I thought I would point it out. Apologies if they need to be there; I don't mean to be try and show you up. But as I said in my first review, most of my reviews are filled with criticism and suggestions, so I suppose it is just my nature, and can't be helped. And I think that saying is so ingrained in our language and our culture because it's been in the collective consciousness for now fifty years, but I fell that I digress.

I'm glad that this Bella from 1934 isn't an idiot and seems to possess some common sense as well; instead of being nice and gullible like she so often appears in canon. I'm still at a slight loss of words, but I'm getting better, and I'm sure my reviews will be as well soon. At least I hope so, I don't like blabbering on like an idiot and I feel like I'm doing that almost constantly with these reviews when I'm not nitpicking the story apart. But as a fellow author/vampire I know exactly how exciting it is to get reviews with meat and length rather than those saying "good" or "great job update soon" or my least favorite "nice." So that's what I'm attempting to do, though I feel like I'm failing at the same time. I probably should have just waited until I had something substantial to say and let the words spill forward then but for whatever reason I'm not doing that. So I'm going to stop talking now.

Enjorous chapter 5 . 12/10/2009
"Was there such a things as "part albino"? " There seems to be a problem with number agreement here. I had to reread it a few times before I decided that to point it out. I'm not sure if it's a real mistake or an intentional one on your part, part of the whole "country girl" narration maybe. Nothing too major though, it certainly didn’t take anything away from the flow of the chapter and certainly not

I'm also rather surprised at the accessibility of this story. Stories this long with that number of chapters are normally much longer than these first ones. But of course there have to be longer ones then these first five, because the average word count in each chapter comes out to be just shy of 3,900. Which take a little longer to read, obviously. I'm going to shut up now, so I don't risk pulling a Bella and saying something too moronic.

Enjorous chapter 3 . 12/10/2009
Hmm...well I'm not sure what to say but I really want to say something and not for whatever award I may or may not get. I'm truly just at a loss for words, and for me that's something. I want to talk about how the language is so fitting of the time pereiod but I'm afraid that any mention I make of it will sound quite trite. But I suppose by saying what I just did, I made mention of it. And I have to say that I startled everyone at work when I saw the line about Shakespeare being the new comer to classics. But compared to those others I suppose he is and people like Hugo and Bronte and Austin are quite contemporary compared to Homer and Plato and Aristotle and everoyne that you mentioned that I failed to.

Hmm...I want to write more, I really do, but I normally fill up my reviews with criticism and suggestions. And to tell you the god's honest, I don't have either. Even two chapters in I can already see that there's a lot of depth in the world you created so far, and I've yet to even scratch the surface of this. So I think I'll leave it here and get back to reading and hope that I find some of my words again which will help me say something more intelligent I'm sure.

Oh, and to make sure she gets her trophy Jocelyn told me about your story. I thought she'd be happy to get one of those shinies.

I'll write more later,

Jocelyn Torrent chapter 16 . 12/10/2009
I love that you're bringing this all into perspective, touching on things that Meyer couldn't be bothered with. I hope Bella was paying attention to Rosalie's words, because I sure as shootin was. Thank you for this wonderful look at Rosalie.

So, I'm sitting here, reading this story, listening to Rosalie's tale about the Cullens.

And it hits me.

Rosalie was REJECTED. She was rejected by Edward! Rosalie! Mind you, Rosalie may not have been pining for his relationship but that does not deter from the fact that Rosalie was rejected. Moronic on my part for not noticing that from the beginning but thank you for bringing that into light. Rosalie was a failed social experiment brought upon by the Cullens. And while later on (I mean in the time at which the books were written, not in your 1930's theme) while they probably grow to love each other, at this point what is she to them? Nothing, that's what. Gah, I've missed so much! Thank you, geophf, for pointing that out. The real Rosalie.

Jocelyn Torrent chapter 14 . 12/10/2009
Oh I loved this chapter. Bella had it right: Rosalie was being kind, not just pragmatic. Because she could have just dumped Bella in the cold and dark outhouse, listening in case Bella fell in. But she didn't. And that's so sweet. I could hug her (much to her dismay, I'm sure).

I've actually read Carmilla. No one else that I know has (except for you, it would seem) so I liked that it was relateable. Though, I think I'd pick Rosalie over Carmilla anyday, haha.

Since we were kind of on the subject, I'd been sort of looking for it as I'd been reading. This story is wonderfully sexual. And I'm sure you can understand that I don't mean it in a perverse way. It's just, so very intimate. Rosalie washing Bella, while a motherly action is just so strong. I'm really, really enjoying that aspect to this story.

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