|Reviews for Loudness Between Shadow & Light|
| moviescene chapter 18 . 2/2/2016
I hope you write some more of this story. I want to find out what happens on-the Island!
| Amateraszu chapter 18 . 9/17/2015
really enjoying Loudness Between Shadow & Light and hoping you will find your muse and finish it and be willing to share it with the rest of us waiting so very impatiently
| Buddy5647 chapter 1 . 4/3/2015
I may be too late in the game, but I found nothing wrong with this first chapter, and am hooked enough to move on
| ArielFetters chapter 18 . 6/20/2013
Heyas, me again. Read all the way through to this point and while it took a bit to get going, it's now eminently worth reading.
Your ability to give the essential details without going overboard continues and I'd have to say that mostly it's spot-on. Not too much, not too little. In a few cases it was too little but nothing that made the story confusing, just not as clear as it could've been.
The entire 'Evil-Evil Shego stuck in Kim's head' idea is totally unique and more power to you for thinking of it. Like I said earlier, standout stories are a huge thing and this is unique enough that if you can get people 3-4 chapters in, it really starts to pull you in.
If I had to offer a suggestion on a hook now that I've read in this far, I'd suggest you start things off with Kim's being knocked out, then set things up so she 'wakes up' into the sim. She doesn't know it's not a sim till the end, so 'waking up' to it would work fine and it'd give you that instant hook to reel people in.
Other than that all I'd fix if this was mine would be occasional grammtical stuff. What my writer's group taught me to do was read to myself. Things process in our heads differently when we hear them so it might kick up a few things to do the same. What I do is record myself reading it, then play it back and take notes, then edit, rinse, repeat until it all works for me.
Anyways, good story and my apologies if I came across as bitchy. I really do like the story and I hope you keep it going, I wanna see where this goes. :)
| ArielFetters chapter 1 . 6/20/2013
Heyas. Saw your request at the end of the chapter and hope my feedback can help. As a note, I haven't gotten to the rest of the chapters yet, so this is a 1st view/instant opinion bit.
This could be a great story, but it's got no 'hook' yet. nothing that sits up and says "Here's why you need to read this!" Sad as it is, every story needs that of the bat hook to make you really wanna keep going. This is buildup, I can tell, but without that hook people usually won't wait for the buildup.
That said, the first couple paragraphs are very good. They really give you a good solid 'Ah crap, game is ON' vibe so if you were to somehow keep that going and add in some foreboding, something hinting at the future main plotline, I think you'd have a great hook. Doesn't have to be a detailed hint, but when you see it it needs to make people go 'Oh snap!' and want to read more.
You also have the same problem many writer's do (Myself included until my writer's group browbeat me into stopping) which is backstory, then story. What they taught me is to kick things off, then dole out the backstory in bits. Never enough to make things 100% clear, but enough to give a foundation for what's going on. One guy described it like snacks on a long plane trip. They're never big and they always leave you wanting more snacks. I'm still working on that skill myself, and believe me, it's a royal pain in the butt. I want to give that detailed backstory so people know exactly what's going on.
You're good about not over-describing things though, and that's not an easy skill for some (Myself included) to master so you're doing better there than a lot of people. Some people just aren't good at it, some are. You are so don't worry about not putting in enough descriptives, you're doing that part perfectly.
The story is also very unique, and that's a good thing too. It's not the usual Kigo 'Big crisis, Kim and Shego instantly realize they love each other' kind of story so that in itself makes you stand out. Standing out's always good for a writer, so don't worry about not being conventional enough or more mainstream.
Overall this looks like it could have a lot of promise, so Ill keep reading because I'm curious (And a KiGo addict lol)
| Gnarled Bone chapter 18 . 12/17/2012
This is an intriguing, and awesome, fic. I'm sure to reread it later once I'm done with the line-up of stories.
Um, was it intended for the rest of the end after Inner-Shego/Sam speaks for the last time (in this chapter) to be in italics? Just pointing it out.
Hope you update again soon.
| Guest chapter 3 . 11/7/2012
a fucking mess. what's with the time line?
| luger 7 chapter 18 . 10/13/2012
A most excellent chapter. Party on, dude.
| zardoz101 chapter 1 . 10/7/2012
I can see nothing wrong with this chapter. I like it. Will continue to read.
| Sonicthehedgewolf chapter 17 . 2/4/2012
Interesting what happens next
| Partying In Canada chapter 17 . 5/22/2011
Interesting idea, can't wait to read more!
| Riskreader chapter 17 . 2/26/2011
Well from what I seen the plan worked in a sense that kim is a little grey not willing to take bs. however how much of that is the digital copy of shego and how much is a permanet affect on Kim's mental scape I couldn't guess.
Looking forward how this apparent conondrum unfolds.
| The 4th Heretic chapter 17 . 2/25/2011
You took a good concept and turned it into an amazing story! I really look forward reading more.
Keep up the good work!
| longnite chapter 16 . 2/23/2011
An alienate or quasi Shego on the mental home front...not sure if I could follow that kind of story premise. Just not a clone fan, as it takes the character out of the picture. Wishing you much success with this venture.
| longnite chapter 10 . 2/23/2011
Followed up with this story after I read your 1015. But I will have to say that I'm somewhat confused with the premise and direction at this point. Not sure I understand the supernatural side yet...hmmm.