|Reviews for Dark Innocence|
| Bluepanda800 chapter 12 . 2/5
Omd this was intense!
| itsjustanotherbrickinthewall chapter 12 . 1/28
Great chapter! Update soon please!
| Complex.Paradox chapter 12 . 1/10
I love this, so much. Childhood joker/Jack Napier is my favorite thing. I do have some questions though. Firstly, can one assume that Jack/Joker protected Katie out of friendship or love? Like with the bullies and her prom date more specifically? Are you planning on writing about how the Joker got his scars? Also, why does he act so hostile around Katie? I have a theory but I'm not sure about it. Anyways, I hope you can update soon! (PS: will there be more flashbacks? I like those o.o)
| quietGOLD chapter 12 . 1/8
It's nice to see how much your writing has matured over the years. I like the angle you've taken, and It'll be interesting to see what adventures these two get up to next.
| Rose chapter 12 . 1/4
About time! haha, I love your story and how you write. I am so glad you came back to continue writing 3 Keep it up, you are an amazing writer!
| angelicables chapter 12 . 1/3
Oh my goodness. This flashback chapter was glorious! I've missed this story way too much. You can't believe the excitement I failed to contain when I saw that it was updated. Thank you thank you thank you so much for returning back to this story. I love your version of Jack so much AND the characterization of your OC. This is one of my favorite Joker stories out there, and I can't wait to see how the story develops. Eagerly anticipating for your next update! :)
| Amazilia chapter 12 . 12/29/2015
Love your writing style now even more than before! This is my favorite Joker fic. Please don't delay in updating!
| Moorish Woe chapter 12 . 12/27/2015
I think about this story time to time. It's one of my favorites. I remember when you first wrote it. And yes, your newest chapter is much cleaner. Thanks for updating. I'm looking forward for more.
| Four-Eyed Koi chapter 12 . 12/22/2015
One moment you say Jack has never sworn, contradicting the content in the little b*tch fit young Jack has some where in chapter 2 through 4. One moment, protagonist has no friends other than Jack, next protagonist has a gf when you need to write in some way for protagonist to discover Grant is dead because either you were too lazy to do so another way, or didn't care to fact-check for consistency. Even in this chapter, whose very premesis betrays something you told us point blank in an earlier chapter-Jack stayed out of school after killing Grant and only spoke to your protagonist one time before disapearing completely! MAKING EVERYTHING IN THIS CHAPTER A CONTRADICTION.
Other things just simply don't add up. For example, we have young protagonist walking home from school telling Jack all about how she wants to go trick-or-treating in a devil costume. Sure, this would be acceptable and I wouldn't even care for this-if the protagonist were not 17! Honestly, 17 is long beyond the age for trick-or-treating. A devil's costume is far too juvenile a concept for a near adult. And then just the way she spouted with enthusiam over mystery books as Jack was tending her wound made me want to break her fictional nose because it just felt so out of place for a 17 year old!
Now if you want your protagonist to act that way, it is totally fine! You just need to own up to it in-story when other characters tell her what a spaz she is.
FYI, all the issues I find above are what I find coupled with Mary-Sues. It's for no reason other than because all these kinds of issues are a result of lazy writing.
Yea, I am sure that this is a complete slap in the face to hear. Don't be insulted.
You love writing, I am sure. You love it so much you just get so ahead of yourself because your enthusiam is so great it can't be contained. Trust me, hun, your passion for writing is more than evident in your work. But that passion has GOT to be tempered by patience, hard-work, and dedication to quality. That's how you make rough gems sparkle and shine.
And I say this with some shread of authority. I am the girl that re-reads her whole fanfiction numberous times a chapter, keeps a list of important things to bare in mind as the story goes on, and proof-reads four times MINIMUM what can be upwards of 17,000 word chapters; checking for grammatical errors, awkard language, redundancy, etc.
My simple suggestion, if you are open to it, would be to rewrite this entire story. One benefit would be that the quality of previous chapters will match that of now. But I don't just mean a literal word for word rewrite. I mean from-the-ground-up re-work keeping nothing more than the story's concept and a few key point in the backstory plot line.
Don't let me tell you what to do or write. Seriously, do what you want.
But let me tell you this: if you disregard this pensive and effortfull review simply because of all the hype surrounding this story-because weebs and tweens alike had raved over it years ago leaving you with thousands of favorites and follows-then you are a fat-head. I have no patience for such stuffy-headed attitudes. I have dealt with them before and I wish them each the best of luck as they clearly aren't going to learn anything until they deflate those heads.
Now, on the more likely chance that you are not a fat-head and will give some consideration or, at least, some acknowledgement to this review I have worked quite hard for about three hours now; thank you.
If you would like to talk about anything in this review, anything unfair, unclear, anything you felt was mean, or anything you'd like help with you can contact me via pm through the user-name left at the top of these reviews. To my knowledge, I am still the only person using the alias "Four-Eyed Koi". I am open as a beta-reader and have a good rep for quality writing with my own stories.
Have a wonderful holiday vacation.
Don't stop writing!
| Four-Eyed Koi chapter 12 . 12/22/2015
I am currently logged-out as I write this.
I am under the impression that you were about 13-16 when you began writing writing this story given your skill in writing and the maturity-level detected in your N/As. (Sorry if that sounds rude, btw. There really is no way for me to mention the maturity level of a 13-16 year-old without the possibility of it being taken the wrong way. We were all that age once, you know? No harm meant by the comment.)
I was extremely impressed with the level of creativity presented in your writing. Not that any of your ideas had exactly been done before, no. But you certainly had a natural gift for creating suspense-which I cannot stress the value of!
Despite this, little quirks in your writing often gave your age away: using high school vocabulary words in a narative style that was moments ago using "casual lingo" and then either using them inappropriately or in farcical excess. One example being the word "visage" (or was it "countenance"), grossly over-used in chapter 7 or 8 if memory serves me right.
Other things like formatting gave you away... Meaning you formatted your chapters in ways I oft saw most popular with the kids of your age, uh, at least your age back then. Other things, I won't waste our time getting into.
Like I said, silly stuff.
But there was more serious stuff too. You lacked a well-thought out story, thus the plot was left with gapping holes that either needed filling or were glorious oppurtunities you left unrecognized (the only contact your protagonist ever made with Jack was during or after school, meaning the jerk would leave him alone for months at a time during summer.) Your protagonist was a Mary-Sue, she needs more personality. Really Drama at times was often forced, especially with her (when she began to cry over Rachel's death, I did not sympathize, because YOU did not make me care.) And you have shown a tendency to shy away from the actual drama in your story, copping out at tense spots that you should be charging through-normally via Jack leaving your protagonist who was too wussy to follow after and demand she answer him (more a concern than a criticism, you have not shown this tendency enough yet for me to really call you on it, but be aware that I'm looking out for it.) That said, mousey IS a personality trait and if that is what you are going for, it's not been done right. Or at least not optimized to the fullest. That I can offer you some direct advice on doing though.
You write hastily, as evidenced by the things above as well as your habit to have inconistent elements in your story...
| RanishaRayon chapter 12 . 12/18/2015
I'm a new reader and I love this story. I can't wait for the next chapter!
| Akari.Wolf.Princess chapter 12 . 12/16/2015
Argh after such a long wait you end it there wahhhh! Though I loved it! I have a feeling that at the end there was when the Joker was really starting to develop and at that point it snowballed from there...because that was the longest sentence he had ever said as Jack hahah. Well I really really hope you continue this story and hurry with the next chapter! Good Joker /Oc story are such a hard thing to come by!
| Joker molester here chapter 12 . 12/14/2015
Gosh when I saw this in my email! I was like I recognise the title... and then BOOM, realised what it was. Really cheered my day, have always loved this story. I've actually read it a few times overs the years :) Thank yoooou x
| RandomCitizen chapter 12 . 12/13/2015
I'll be honest - I don't much remember what's going on, but I enjoyed the chapter regardless. 'XP
Sorry I'm late! College exams. :T
| 1bakedbre chapter 12 . 12/13/2015
*cries for eternity* I never gave up on you! I'm so happy right now. Sweet baby jesus it's a miracle. Thank you for updating and not abandoning this fic, it's one of my favs and really cant wait to see how the story plays out.