|Reviews for Oathkeeper's Dawn|
| YourGreatestDream chapter 17 . 5/22/2015
I really enjoy this story. It's wonderfully paced up until Riku gets back from the human world to save his friends again. It was hard for me to stop reading chapter after chapter! I would like to make a few (a lot, actually)critiques though on how you provey your evil villain Xemnas if that's ok.
For one, the trap laid out for them all in the dungeons was great, but they should not have been moved to the thrown room. Especially all at once where they have the opportunity to gather and rally. It leaves to much to chance if the prisoners decide to make a break for it (which I think they would have attempted, even being weak as they were).
Secondly, Xemnas lead them to the thrown room for what reason? To gloat? It seemed a pointless venture. The thrown room I believe is a wonderful setting for a final battle after fighting the way through the castle, pairing members of the party with various enemy characters to battle...(examples: Xias vs Cloud, Vexen vs. Zexion, Axel and Demyx vs. Larxene) However there is instead a little fight coaxed on by meaningless goading from Xemnas about species racism and demeaning Zack's death.
After the fight, he orders for them to be placed in the wait room. That's easily escapable from. Heck, I'm unsure why Xigbar took so long to actually pop in and teleport everyone out. In fact, why didn't he do that in the first place when they were in the dungeons?
Nine days of playing cards with the guards I guess. He'd get along swimmingly with that fate/chance-elemental.
Besides that, only Marluxia was guarding the exit from the balcony. You've got Leon, Cloud, Axel, Sora, Roxas, Riku, and Zexion to fight him seeing that Demyx, Namine, and Aerith are the only ones unable to. That's still 6 against one. They can take that scyth swinging pink head gardener. Jump out, and freedom!
All these options available for escape and the firy character that are so passionate about winning and fighting chose now to lose hope. It's a little OOC of them all to just give up like that.
And did no one see Riku kissing Sora? That should have brought some comments from the others. Like Axel mentioning how he's never seen his friend this genuinely happy or in love, and Roxas or Cloud warning Riku not to break Sora's heart.
The good thing about having so many characters is that a character death is allowed and even expected from some readers (like me :P). I was surprised you didn't up and kill Zexion, or even 'nearly'/'temporarily' kill him. He wasn't too special a character and other than his awkward thing with Demyx, has no love-interest character to cry over his death.
If I was an evil mastermind, I wouldn't keep my opposition alive and together for so long. I'd have them all gassed with darkness until they were unconcious, lock them up in separate locations in the castle, and then let my minions torture them for fun, 'cause you know minions love to have fun torturing heroes now and then. (*cough* Larxene *cough*)
I was wondering what Xemnas wanted with Riku...and then I read the part about the thrown room being empty. The could just break down the door, knock out a few guards and they could be free as birds. Another reason why the waitroom wasn't an optimal choice of prison.
When Riku stood in front of Xemnas, I expected the villain to try and have Xehenort's Heartless regain its power, take over Riku and do some damage to Riku's friends before Riku regained control, but with Xehenort's Heartless' body. Like in KH2. Fun little heartwarming parallel would occur with Sora kneeling before Riku and holding his hand, seeing that the real Riku was in control. Mushy good stuff.
But yeah, if Riku used his dark parasite to fight Xemnas, he might actually have some magic to use other than a shield. Why hasn't he learned how to cast dark spells until now? Zexion, expert of dark magic, would have been a really good choice of teacher. They had time while they were headed to the castle. Riku could have at least learned a single magic attack spell. And shouldn't Leon and Cloud apologize to Riku for not trusting him with a sword and training? Like, admit that Riku is nothing like his father and give Riku some real support?
Sorry I'm ranting, I get really into stories like yours. Fantasy is my thing ;P Your story is so brilliantly paced throughout the beginning! I loved it!
I'll continue reading. But really, you should think more 'villain evil mastermind', and consider the reason behind why they chose to do things. They have options of where to place captives. Torture, no torture; balcony, no balcony; death by fire, decapitation, hanging, chopping block, or smothering darkness. What assets does the evil villain have? Larxene, Xaldin, Vexen, Xias, and hundreds of silver swaying heartless sentinels. Public execution has pros and cons, and Xemnas would think about whether or not his efforts to make his people fear him was worth the risk of making the prince's martyrs.
Personally, I'd first trap them in the dungeon when they found each other, have Xemnas walk down with Siax to gas the place with smothering darkness, and separate Riku from the pack to get him on the side of darkness or have him be possessed by the thing inside him. Afterwards, Xemnas would have each hero brought to him one by one, tortured, and killed in the most brutal way in front of the ones they loved. (I'm evil, what can I say?) his efforts would be thwarted by Riku who grabs Xigbar and other insiders to help with a second rescue attempt, successfully teleporting everyone outside in the forest, or just saving his friends lives before Riku and Xemnas somehow get teleported to the main thrown room alone and have a final match. IDK how that would work out, but yeah...
LOVE YOUR STORY OMG
| Another Night Without You chapter 24 . 7/8/2014
hello! I just want to tell you that this story is really amazing. Your imagination knows no boundary, and I'm sure this fic is one of my favorite :) Everything just fits perfectly, and if I didn't know about KH, I'd think that this is the real story ;D I love how the plot went from something that I didn't expect (the asshole-y Riku lol). At first I thought it would be slow, but it's actually really good. You didn't rush the story line, and I respect you for that, sometimes people just want to see the romantic stuff lol. The ending is also beautiful, it was unbelievable at first when I read it. But in the end, it's the sweetest thing ever! Anyway, please write more, you're one of my favorite writer as well, and I'd love to see a new story from you! Have an awesome day :D
| RBnC chapter 24 . 6/4/2014
WHY DONT YOU WRITE MORE FOR THIS!? I'M NOT TALKING SEQUEL OR ANYTHING, JUST LITTLE EXTRAS LIKE THE ZEMYX ONE BUT OH GOD ITS SO CUTE, PLEASE PLEASE, ROXAS AND AXEL GETTING TOGETHER FINALLY, OR - OR LEON AND CLOUDS DAY TO DAY LIFE! PLEASE! JUST SOMETHIGN!
Anyway, this is such a great story! Thank you for writing it and sharing it with all of us!
| Jenmoon1 chapter 24 . 5/8/2014
i liked it
| Guest chapter 23 . 2/9/2013
O mer gawd...this story was great not only did you make sepherioth look all badass you also used all moi favorite pairings! An the extra story was so freakin cute _
| kage kitsune no yami chapter 23 . 12/14/2012
I haven't read a Kingdom Hearts Fanfiction in over a year. This was an amazing story
| Guest chapter 24 . 8/28/2012
I know it's over but I wanted to say thank you for writing it!
| Guest chapter 23 . 8/12/2012
This fic was amazing! I reallly enjoyed reading it
| bonbonpich chapter 24 . 10/22/2011
Now I remember why I hadn't finished reading this one few years ago right after I've finished reading Haunted by an Angel and its sequel which I love so much. Either I fell out of KH phase or one reason, the change in style. Maybe I just stopped back there because of how Riku acted, yes, it almost stopped me again. But the writing by you, there's gotta be something. I'm just so glad I keep on reading this time until I finished it.
First of all, I've got to say you really had me going with the characterization. For me it's almost 180 changes from "Haunted". I guess I just got used to the last fanfic that everyone is just so nice to each other. Leon and Cloud as overprotective parents. Roxas and Sora brother complex and all. Reading this one made me feel like the other one is somehow sap. I like sap but then again, I like this one too, it's more complex and most of all, real and intense. What I love most in this story is how you exclusively characterized each character. Everyone single one of the OrG 13, their dialogue, their specialties, their elements, and everything is just so them! I like your Xigbar too, so funny. And of course, Demyx and Zexion! (the part where Zexion helped Riku and Namine out of the portal and got landed on, I love his dialogue so much!) So cute Namie is artic fox? I so wanna have a little sis like her!
I like Axel Riku relationship in here. It even came as a little shock to me when Axel confessed his grudge to Riku. Near the end, I was even hoping for a little AxelRiku moment (in a friendly manner of course!), there might not be much but all is good! They have a tad bit here and there. My favorite moment of these guys is when Riku urged Axel to go to Roxas, then Riku had his time with Sora, saving him from the water and all. Thanks to Axel, Riku grow
One more thing I'm surprised and loved the most about this fic is how strong Sora is. You can't imagine how I screamed and danced around while I was reading your fic. Sure, Sora did cry at some point, but it's understandable with all his emotions. At first, I thought he might be a weak prince or something like that. But not at all, which all intrigued me. How he fought, even stronger than Riku and protecting Riku quite a few times. Especially in his final form! OMG! I can so imagine how cool he is! Not until I read up to the point where the both of them are surrounded by Xemnas's attack, and Sora reverted back to his Final form after having let go of it. I can so roll down on the floor and scream. I might be overreacting, yes, but so many good KH fics out there can even come down (in my opinion) when they made how shy and helpless of Sora. The worst one is making him beg for his life  that's just not Sora! (then again, it's my opinion)
When I was reading, I'm sure there's more I wanna say but urg, my brain is such of goldfish I can't remember every detail. I only remember though that I like every single one of them. Especially the change in style of this one, though I still like 'Haunted' more just because I'm into ghost stuff than fairies and spirits:P but still love it gee, I wish your fanfic turned into anime or something, that's be so cool! Anyhow I understand you still have many stories to write. Maybe when you get to play new series of KH game or something and hopefully you'll come back to write KH fics again, I'll be waiting to read it. Thank you for writing such a cool story (and of course finishing it XD it'd be a huge hangover if not). I see you have more about Leon/cloud. If only I were their fans"(only because I played FF7-8I wasn't a yaoi fan girl at that moment so I can't really imagine them together).
| Medev chapter 23 . 10/6/2011
this fic was amaizing! I totally loved it!
even riku's spoiled-child atitude lol 3
everething was great! and the battles were really exciting xD
well writen, it didn't felt rushed or messy.
| mochiusagi chapter 23 . 9/25/2011
Awwwww that was super cute! I'm really glad that everyone had a happy ending.
| TSRM chapter 7 . 7/14/2011
I was surprised with the appareance of Kadaj and the others (I'm the worst for not naming them) but I this was such a good story, as I enjoyed it from top to bottom. Especially with Leon and Cloud cuddling together -w-
| silvermoondemon16 chapter 24 . 6/10/2011
What an awesome story! Thanks for posting it!
| Cilla chapter 24 . 5/21/2011
So. Amazing! Just as enthralling as "Haunted by an Angel" It was so good it took two days to finish! Fantastic. - I hope that you'll create a Zexion/Demyx based one one day! Good job~
| NoBeesPlease chapter 23 . 5/3/2011
This story is so adorable and amazing! You write so well! And now I have to go back to studying, but this was a really awesome diversion from everything I need to do, lol.