|Reviews for Digits|
| zanganito chapter 1 . 1/28/2014
I really like how you convey a lot of meaning with just a few words. This piece was short and easy to follow, and had beautiful use of language. I think you chose the words you used well - the imagery if effective without feeling overly wordy. I think my favorite line was: /Her hand was a map - the spider webs of veins running through her translucent skin were the pathways/
I also thought it was an interesting look at Peter and Wendy after Wendy got older.
| truthsetfree chapter 1 . 1/28/2014
I thought I reviewed this one before...
I love the the way he idealizes/romanticizes the effects of age upon her while contrasting his observations with memories of her. This read as something from that period. Wonderful job with word choice. This reads as very gentle, dreamy even.
Although I can see in my mind's eye what you mean by "alabaster milk," I'd be more satisfied with it being phrased as "milky alabaster" or even as simply "alabaster."
| The Real F'n Scorp chapter 1 . 1/26/2014
I seriously, seriously love this piece. This is a gorgeously written story, short in its length but rich in its meaning. You can just feel Peter's love for Wendy echoing among the words. Time has not dimmed his feelings for Wendy, nor has it dimmed his memories. I appreciate how you show him loving her no matter that she is now old and her hair has gone white.
This entire line here: ((Her hand was a map—the spider webs of veins running through her translucent skin were the pathways, and as he slipped his hand in hers, his digits were the destinations.)) was just fantastic. There is so much love reflected in this line, from his observation, to the way he takes and gently holds her hand. I also love the idea of hands being a map with a story to tell. It empowers the hands and signifies them as the carriers of secrets and stories untold. Beautiful.
This is just a beautiful work of imagery here: ((sun being charioted across the sky to begin the day anew.)). I totally saw the sun God driving his chariot across the sky, marshaling out the passage of the new day. Great allegorical reference to time as well going on here. Time moves in sync with the passage of the sun and the moon so nice underscored reference to that connective tissue.
Another beautiful work of imagery here: ((transparent gloves, stretched upon an angel's bones, laced with lilac threads.)). Can so see her hands in my mind just from the simple play of words and imagery that are here.
This was a gorgeous piece, great job!
| Rosawyn chapter 1 . 1/25/2014
Bit of a fandom-blindness warning: I've never actually read Peter Pan. I've watched several movie and TV adaptations, though, so I'm pretty familiar with the characters, plot, etc.
From the summary I surmise the "He" here is Peter and the "she" is Wendy. I like how the opening line is quite matter of fact and doesn't have distracting details; it works for me, giving me a pretty clear picture of Peter sitting on the floor by Wendy's bed as she sleeps.
The description in the second line is wonderful for how elderly people's hands often look. I remember my grandmother's hands looking like that.
For someone who lives out of time like Peter, Wendy aging must be disorienting. I appreciate how he looks at her and sees her as she was when she was young. It fits so well with what I know of his character, how he seems to deny the passage of time, even saying "Surely not" to the idea that years had passed.
The description of her hands in the second to last paragraph is amazing. That he looks at something many people would consider an unfortunate reminder of the passage of time and sees beauty, such poetic beauty, is quite powerful.
I like how this ends with the declaration of his enduring love for her. :D
| Esther Huffleclaw chapter 1 . 1/17/2014
Wow. This is simply wonderful. It gave me chills.
The imagery of veins as pathways, and skin as gloves over “angel’s bones” is gorgeous. In fact, I loved all o f the imagery. So beautiful.
It’s rare to find a story so short that says so much. You must have the soul of a poet, to wring so much from so few words.
I love it.
| NinthFeather chapter 1 . 1/10/2014
Beautiful imagery here. I love your descriptions, seriously.
| JeminiaMoon chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
This piece has excellent imagery and tone. In short, I loved it. The sentence variety and word choice make for a very satisfying read. I think you nade the right choice in using "Her hand was a map—the spider webs of veins running through her translucent skin were the pathways, and as he slipped his hand in hers, his digits were the destinations" as the summary, because it has great imagery-and I liked the metaphor, that was very well done.
Another thing I thought worked well was the questions. They seemed to be Peter's thoughts, which gave a nice insight to Peter's feelings and characterized Peter. The two questions also added variety and made the read more interesting.
The tone of this piece made me feel sad and sort of longing, as I imagine Peter would be-longing for the Wendy he once knew. The more positive of the lines, like the ones reminiscing Wendy as she was when she was young, were uplifting, but not overdone, as they would always be followed by another painful reminder that she was no longer a young, healthy person. I also think the last line was quite a nice wrap-up-short, sweet, and summing up everything that the drabble discussed. Great job, you are a wonderful writer!
| Galling Penguin chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
You packed so much emotion into so few words. I'm nearly speechless. I just loved how he always thinks of her as beautiful. You carried the point across nicely when you mentioned that Peter didn't remember how Wendy's hands looked in her youth.
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
Wow, this was quite an impressive drabble! Really nice imagery, and it was concise and very effective. Lovely! I really liked the way that you used the word "digits". Such a specific word conjures up all kinds of mental images, and it was simply beautiful!
Peter's emotional state came across very nicely, and I was impressed with how he noticed all of the details of how she was before and how she in now. But he chose to focus on her how he remembered her, and that was really spectacular.
This was lovely! Well done!
| darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
Oh, wow; this was a lovely piece! I love how you described Wendy's skin, back then, and even in the present. I loved how you also described how her eyes would illuminate at the mention of mermaids; that was lovely imagery there. Ah, but the real gem of the piece was the description of her hands. This was such a moving piece in so few words. Well done. :)
| MessengerOfDreams chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
Your description is truly poetic and gorgeous, a metaphor within an observation within an empty hole within a timeline within two hundred words within a story. This is probably a concept that's been done before in stories like this, but yours certainly stands out because your writing is beautiful, and your digits hold magic of their own.
| Aiko Isari chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
Beautiful. Simply put and eloquently done. Poor Peter. He always forgets and Wendy remembers, even if she isn't able to express it. I love how his love remains and how he still continues to wonder about her and love her without many memories. It's a very moving, powerful piece. Thank you for sharing it.
| Inkfire chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
This was a really stunning little piece! Your style was very beautiful, I loved the description of Wendy's hands and the metaphor of the pathways… You brought to life both parts of Wendy's life, the girl she's been and the old woman she is now, and made them both beautiful - of course her youth was fresh and charming, full of wonder, but she seemed so eerily fragile in her old age - angel-like, just like you said at the end. Peter's tenderness for her and the way it just couldn't fade, after all these years, were wonderfully depicted. Great job! )
| truces chapter 1 . 11/27/2012
Wow. This is gorgeous. Very well-written, sad, and powerful despite the few words used. The description was perfect - I could see the bedroom in my mind very clearly. Great work!
| Galvantula866 chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
The plight of the immortal falling in love with a mortal is generally outliving the one you love. I found it sweet that even in the twilight of her life, Peter still loves Wendy.
The way you described the aged Wendy is sad, but touching. Peter may be a hellion, but he does care about the people he meets and grows to know better. The whole story was done beautifully, the way things are said stated to be allows the reader to visualize the events as they unfold. A really bittersweet romance tale that hooks its readers with gentle reminding of young love once found and then found anew, not with shock value.
I've read Peter Pan when I was younger and overall this story does feel like it can be a part of the yore of PP without seeming out of place. You did wonderfully on this story.