Reviews for Outings With The Cullens
Charlotte Webber chapter 1 . 3/1/2010
Charlotte Webber again...

Boy do I feel like an idiot. (Blushes redder than Bella Swan upon hearing a dirty joke from Emmett) Please disregard my *example* I just realized the cashier was talking to Edward, not Jacob.

That's what happens when I try to do anything past 1:30 in the morning.
Charlotte Webber chapter 1 . 3/1/2010
"Blondes may have more fun, but Brunette's remember it the next day."

Hehe... I loved that line! (and your review of my story! THANK YOU!) One of the things that has helped improve my writing (other than having the wonderful Ms. BellaFlan edit my work) is to read it out loud. I catch lots of mistakes and bits of dialogue that sound "forced." It's something I still struggle with.

When writing in first person, the author has the opportunity to "get inside" of a character's head and heart. So instead of just hearing their thoughts, we get to feel what they are experiencing...

For instance, how did the cashier's rude comment make Edward feel? (*edited example)

"Well I don't believe you have enough to pay for your own, let alone more." She said matter-of-factly.

*I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Her bigotry was inexcusable and offensive. I am not a fan of Jacob Black or his pack of dogs, but when she assumed he couldn't pay for his meal just because of his brown skin, it sickened me.*

I looked at her *and wanted to permanently remove the smirk from her face, but* calmly said, "I've got it," *instead.*

That's just something I pulled out of my head, so it's not that good, but neither was my explanation and I thought an example might help clarify what I was trying to say.

Best of luck with your stories and KEEP WRITING!

Charlotte Webber
christiespace chapter 1 . 9/30/2009
To a carnival, they should total go to a carnival with rickety rides and sticky cotton candy, and caramel apples! I can see them enjoying the graviton ride and winning all the prizes! OH even better the Rodeo! HAHA, oh the internal dialog would be killer! (I have always wondered why they don't have a farm or wildlife sanctuary, you know 'growing their own food and all' but maybe wild taste better?)

This is really cute! adding you to all my alerts looking forward to the next outing!
PrincessGBRS chapter 2 . 7/16/2009
hahaha! love it! they should go to an amusement park, the zoo, the grocery store, and other random places doing stuff!
Diana Holland chapter 2 . 1/7/2009
It was very original and a pleasure to read.

xoxo,

Diana
HaLeY bEtH chapter 2 . 1/5/2009
you should have the cullens go to the mall or somewhere like a dinosaur museum! ha! imagine what emmett could do there. but also you should have jasper do more. srry just some helpful critiqueing.
Jasper.Hale.Says.Relax chapter 2 . 1/5/2009
haha nice

update soon !
Diana Holland chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
This was really funny!

xoxo,

Diana
theDANNIsaur chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
That's hilarious!
MusicalMangaHeartbeats chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
this WAS funny..and i usually don't like OOCness (u know out of character...) but it was funny! O make them go to Six Flags! and put that dancing old man in six flags commercals in it to do some random dancing and let emmett random dance with him too! that would b soo funny!
Quigley-MacDazzle chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
pml on the EMMETT MAN ! i love emmett and you just gave me reason to love him more LOL
HaLeY bEtH chapter 1 . 1/3/2009
PRAISE:

ok! i gotta say this waz so funny! my fav quote was . . . " 'But rose. im a super hero' he whined, 'im allowed to stand on stuff'"! haha! to funny!

CRIRISISM:

its pants, not paints in this relationship, srry for being so picky, but its the only thing i noticed