|Reviews for The New Aldens: The Pet Shop Mystery|
| Will05 chapter 2 . 8/24/2017
Great job! Write more!
| BetweenSunAndMoon chapter 2 . 1/9/2014
Write more! I want to know what the key is to!
| KK chapter 1 . 2/11/2013
awesome writer keep it up !
| Hottie12345k chapter 2 . 12/5/2010
I sadly just found this. I loved the boxcar children when I was younger, and as it seems that you're not going to start this back up ever I can only plead without much hope of being heard. But really, you should finish it.
| Khgirl08 chapter 2 . 5/23/2009
I LOVE this! It's a great storyline, and I love the characters. Please give all of us fans more! 3
| gamecocker chapter 2 . 5/16/2009
I only just found your story which is a shame. I realy loved the Boxcar Children as a kid and I found this one interesting. I hope you start it up again.
| Yemi Hikari chapter 2 . 1/7/2009
I can tell that you rewrote and reorganized just a tad bit. Alice's seeing of the man isn't mentioned at all until she remembers it... which works, and it makes it clearer that the pet shop wasn't open. Making sure things are clear for readers is very important. Also, thank you for fixing the bulky paragraphs and making it so that it is one main idea per paragraph... it flows much better. And I can tell you... the way it was originally written would frustrate someone who struggles with English a lot. Anyways, nice update... keep up the work and I look foward to the next chapter.
| Yemi Hikari chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
The idea is great... however this is scattered and not as thought out as it should be.
First, there are paragraphs containing multiple main ideas in them, and they don't flow very well into each other. Perhaps introducing the children in an introductary one shot?
Second, what I at least got from the whole thing at first was that Benny opened his shop in the afternoon, as I doubt that the children would be allowed out and about that early, no matter if their parents are the original Alden children... then I get the idea it is actually early in the morning... thus there is detail missing.
Third, the man when first seen should be given a better standing then one sentence as he is important to the whole mystery. Some of your readers are from the way that the paragraphs are formated going to miss that he is even there until Alice mentions him later. In fact... a lot of the plot could possibly be broken up into more then one chapter... it is a mystery after all.
Last, the four children seem to much like and in number to the original ALden children... they all belong to the same parent and they number four, two boys, two girls... yoou don't have to change it, but it is highly suggested that you twiddle with this some more... change up who their parents are, perhaps even add a fifth...
All of these are suggestions, thouhg I ighly suggest breaking up your paragraphs... they are rather big and bulky... which can deter someone form reading this...
| the fan of everything chapter 1 . 1/4/2009
Write more. I'll be on the look out for updates