|Reviews for Point Blank|
| C1ockworks chapter 3 . 7/8/2009
It's good so far. Sory I haven't been responding lately. Been kinda busyish. Fic, the party was a nice twist in the story but the actions in the dialouge are kinda off. When you want to describe an action you can close the quotations and open them back when you want the character to speak again in place of the parentheses.
So instead of "Well (I began to turn around) of course.." use "Well," I said as i turned around. "of course...". It works a little bit smoother and looks a lot less technical. But other than that, you might want to try to run your documents through a spell checker before you post to avoid some of the spelling mistakes. Everything else is fine. (Except it's spelled BRIAREOS) but just a note. Keep it up.
| Celsi chapter 1 . 6/16/2009
Vivid language, few spelling errors. I liked thisvery muchbut i didnt understand the ebding. why was there a robot? and do you plan on writing more, because the beeping noise left me wondering?
| Sion0083 chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
Two major problems I managed to probe was your misuse of commas and the fact that you took too much time introducing your characters physical appearances. This should come much later, and most certainly not be done in an introductory chapter. If you're point was to begin an action sequence you should just concentrate on actions and nothing else.
This chapter didn't really draw me in, yet, it wasn't an entirely bad start. Remember: you want to keep your readers interested, especially in the beginning.
| C1ockworks chapter 1 . 1/6/2009
It feels kinda rushed. Some commas are misused and there are a few grammactical errors but other than that its a good start. Just fix some of the loose areas and try to lengthen your chapters (I know this is only the first chapter but some length is always the way to go.) Read other peoples work and learn from them and add your own style to it. I'm pretty sure you have already but read the other Applsed fics and takes notes from them. And when you finish your chapter read it aloud to see if anything sounds choppy. Usually it only takes one word to fix. I tell you these things cuz this story has poential and some of my fav reviewers have told me the same things. In order to show it's potential you've got to make this story shine and I really want it to. (I need some competition lol)