Reviews for Republic Commando: Burdens
Talagan chapter 12 . 5/17/2011
A very interesting story; read the whole thing just now. The characterization of each of the clones was very good and I enjoyed getting to "know" them through the story. Thank you for sharing this story! I look forward to reading more of your stories. :)
rachii1701 chapter 12 . 1/5/2010
I just found this today, and read the entire thing in one sitting, lol. Great job on all of it. Now I must read your sequel...

allihavetodoisfall chapter 12 . 3/31/2009
daddy, can i play the game?...that was hilarious.

anyway, ahsoka should start taking leadership lessons...rex ain't always gonna be there to bail her out...i'm going to read you other story now.
daennika chapter 12 . 3/25/2009
Aw that was one sweet way to end it, though it feels like the end of a chapter rather than of a whole story. I like that you referred to Jusik's "desertion" like it's some major turning point - as it rightfully is - though I'm kind of left hungry for more Mandalorian screen time. Can't wait til you get THAT story on tracks!

There's something about wheelchairs that is so screaming DISABLED. If Yoda used a wheelchair instead of a hover-seat I would expect him to have a special people's parking space at the Temple. Then again, Jedi Super Master or not he's still an old semi-cripple.

On another note, YES! YOU DID IT OH MY GOD I thought you wouldn't go with the penis showing game idea after all but YOU DID IT. And it felt very light-spirited and funny to read about it in a Star Wars context, Karen Traviss would have found a way to make it fit as well and it didn't seem so bad after the conclusion of that scene. And of course nobody wants a 9 year old girl to play Show Your Junk!
Triya chapter 12 . 3/24/2009
I feel like waving my hands in front of my eyes to keep myself from tearing up and crying. The last part was sweet. AND IT'S ALL OVER.

Well except for Order 66 part.
roboemma chapter 11 . 3/16/2009
‘ Sprocket's new gear was blank, and he cited "artistic difficulties." ‘
roboemma chapter 10 . 3/13/2009
For some odd reason, I love that ‘bloke’ is in Gev’s speech patterns. XD Ha, I love how you didn’t forget about Fach! His little rescue made me very happy; it’s so refreshing to see a representative who can actually take care of himself and others. There are enough weasels already. :P Fach is a surprisingly interesting character; I find myself liking him a lot.

Looks like Amiel screwed up a bit when it came to wiping Jatne’s memory; I like that, as she’d never truely done it before, she wouldn’t be able to weed out the side effects.

Not Oni! D: I didn’t see that coming at all; it seemed almost too sudden, in a way. I liked him. :( Morj’s reaction, however, was touching and realistic. That really got to me.

‘ Gev forced a grin. "Not even a congratulations? What kind of a brother are you?" Gev broke off and pinched the bridge of his nose, turning away. ‘

That was excellent; made my heart ache a bit, so good job pulling reader reactions. :)

‘ "Our time here is too short to mess around like this. Oni and Signe had their time together. It's osik that he's gone, but I doubt he died with regrets. Do what you have to, Jat'ika." ‘

This is really cool, too, and very sad. They are so used to being expendable that they accept love as being a temporary thing to have while you’re still around to have it. :( I hope they don’t always have to feel that way.

‘ "Jatne. Still a sniper." Jatne shook Sprocket's hand because Gev hadn't. ‘

A cute little bit of humor appropriate despite the feel of the situation.
daennika chapter 11 . 3/13/2009
I like that Sprocket is fitting in and keeps a sense of humor about being the "slow clone"! It's great fun to read your squad. I shamefully prefer reading about them than about your Jedi.

I forgot who Guy Ramseur is, all I know is that his name sounds French. And by the way, "Separatists" can be from full-blown enemies to the Republic to simple neutrals! So what was Signe slashing and dashing into? It didn't seem like droids. They lost of a lot of men though. I liked that you brought up the statistics issue in there as well. Gotta hate numbers after a battlefield!

Looks like I'm gonna have to wait a while longer to see Amyr going bad cop on Signe!
roboemma chapter 9 . 3/13/2009
‘ When she looked at the approaching clone, whose kind eyes couldn't make up for his huge frame, she went rigid and held the device close. ‘

That made me laugh in a ‘cute’ sorta way; it’s very true and also true to character. I can totally picture Jatne having the nicest and most approachable expression in the world that is totally at odds with his physical stature. I also really liked the description of Jatne hauling himself over the railing to save the game; the imagery was vivid and it seemed just in his character to do so. _

‘ "I was four years old when it happened. Live rounds. Shot a brother." One of his eyebrows arched as he stared down Amiel. "Commander, just be glad you slotted a bad guy and don't think about it any more." ‘

I liked that a lot. It says a lot for his character, and is also kind of one of those “woah...” moments. I feel for him; things like that are bound to happen in a training regiment like Kamino.

I really liked how they were talking to Sprocket from different cells, trying to get him to stay awake; I could definetly sense the desperation they had, and how horrible it would be to be stuck so close to someone you could help, but just not close enough.

‘ "Yes." Morj thought about it. He wasn't exactly sure what love felt like outside of physical contact. He supposed taking the time to find Lyda a plant and sending her messages when they were apart had something to do with it. "It's-rewarding." ‘

That whole bit is so perfect. :) His answer was very telling, and quite insightful. It sums a portion of it up in a way that words actually can.

I also liked how you addressed again the change that had gone down when Oni and Signe became lovers; it’s such a nice take, brother’s being annoyed at how another is handling being in a relationship. It’s a certain kind of jealousy that makes sense.

Haha, the image of Amiel suddenly dropping in on them was priceless, as was Sprocket’s following interactions with her. It was very cute, tongue-in-cheek sort of things, with double-entendres galore. XD
roboemma chapter 8 . 3/13/2009
‘ The lounge chair had a flawless design that supported every sore spot on Jatne's body. The sun was warm but not hot and draped his exposed skin in an invisible blanket of light rays. He couldn't describe it quite right. Amiel hugged him once when he was wearing fatigues-it felt like that. ‘

Great description; it was very vivid. Also adorable. _ I kind of love how candid Jatne is, and yet he won’t admit to himself that he’s got something for Amiel. It’s just kind of hovering there in his mind, unacknowledged.

‘ "Gov, we're under-aged," Gev said, taking another long swig. ‘

XD So true.

Hm; the little exchange about Signe not messaging Oni back was quite interesting. I almost get the feeling that you’re playing it out that she’s almost more of a negative influence than anything. Obviously Oni and Signe make each other happy, but she seems to put a large crimp in a lot of things. He worries about her a lot to a point that he shouldn’t, and it almost seems like the rest of the squad isn’t too keen to her. Correct me if I’m wrong, though; that’s just kind of the vibe I’m getting. It’s interesting.

‘ "Where'd you find that out?" Sprocket asked. "The real estate listings?"

"That would have been more reliable. I got a schematic of the area from an Intel planetary database." ‘

Haha, a nice little spin on trashing intel. XD Very funny.

‘ There was a crash. Morj came back into the main room and found himself aiming his deece at Sprocket. "I knocked over a vase," the pilot said, shoulders slumped. ‘

Cute and human. _ I love it when soldiers make stupid little slip ups like that.
roboemma chapter 7 . 3/13/2009
‘ Morj and Oni exchanged another glance, wondering what language "crap" derived from. ‘

That was quite funny; very insightful in an ironic way. _

‘ He turned his eyes toward her and let out an inaudible sigh. The General cared about her troops, and Law gave her credit for that. But she couldn't make a decision to save her life-literally. ‘

For one, I just like the simple descriptions here; it’s to the point and life-like and gives the situation some ‘breath’. I also liked the charaterization it provided amidst the humor.

Rem’s little pep-talk was also well done; I like how he was kind but firm; that seems to be the general Mando mindset. :)

‘ It really tipped Signe off when Gev remarked on Amiel becoming more "top-heavy" and, as a result, less annoying. Jatne had taken the liberty of punching him in the ear for that. ’

XD I love that part; so funny. Also adorable, because one can’t help but love that whole ‘clone protectiveness’ complex.

‘ "You hut'uun. Think about our brothers before your lover." ‘

I think that may have been my favorite part. It makes you think about how much of a wedge a lover can put between brothers like this, and even though it may be a good thing for Oni, it has unforseen side affects. I always have an issue when I’m writing my own story about how much attention my clone charrie should put on his lover, and how much should be to his brothers, who he’s known much longer; it always seems easiest when the lover is also great friends with the brothers. It doesn’t exactly seem the case with Signe; she obviously cares about them, but she’s kind of tunnel visioned when it comes to Oni. I kind of like it; it’s a flaw that’s easy to have, and definetly establishes things for her character.
Darth Comrade chapter 11 . 3/11/2009
Poor Gev...poor, poor Gev. :(

I hate you for making me feel for these guys.

I really like the way you paced the story, you don't dwell on a certain moment for too long and by the next chapter it gives us all a sense of the passing of time in the war.

I haven't seen it done like this before, but I must say, it works really well for a war story!

I'm really intrigued by Signe's strange behavior...And I think she's playing herself into a dangerous trap involving Guy.

But that's me being paranoid. We'll see.

Another excellent update, as usual. :)
allihavetodoisfall chapter 11 . 3/11/2009
how climatic. :) anyhow,good job, i love it!
DarthSkyGirl chapter 2 . 3/9/2009
little runner? cute...
DarthSkyGirl chapter 1 . 3/4/2009
Okay, you have me hooked! *reads rest intently*
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