Reviews for Firefly
darkaccalia520 chapter 1 . 2/26
I quite enjoy Mario, but I've never played Mario Kart; I'm guessing that's sort of what's going on in this chapter, especially since we have characters like Donkey and Diddy Kong, who aren't in the regular Mario game. Also, let me just say I'm always fascinated by those who write in video game fandoms because you (as a breed) show us that these characters are indeed multidimensional. I really love the extra details you've given these characters, like Bowser being a smoker. Unless he smoked in another game I've never played, I'm assuming that's your creation, but it just feels like it would be something he'd do.

Also, love that Donkey and Diddy Kong are sort of obnoxious. Again, that's another detail that seems right for them. In their own game, they're fun and cute, but with the other characters, they're naughty and annoying. I love it! I also love how you've written the race. As I said, I've never played the racing game, but the way you wrote it helped me to envision it. I felt as though I was in the backseat with Bowser or in another kart very nearby.

Also, I like that it seems there are no good guys or bad guys here. Or if they are, when they're eating, that seems to go out the door, since Luigi is sitting with his enemies. I also love that this is mainly Bowser-based. I always liked him as a character, even though he was technically the bad guy, and I really love how you make him develop. I'm definitely curious to see what the king could want and what will happen.

Also, I disagree that this is godawful because it's quite the opposite. It's very well-written. Well done! :)
Kandros Fir chapter 2 . 2/13
Daisy is hilarious. She reminds me of a hurricane or some other natural disaster. I love how she steps on Bowser's toes especially when she hits his weak spots.("She wants to apologize for her last comment. She didn't know you were brooding.)
Is she dating Luigi? It sounds like it, when she said ("Hey just no one's dated you since Peach.") you might want to add that because though.
For Bowser, this solidifies his characterization as a manly jock type. These two lines ("Daisy had once told him his face was had been the closest he had ever come to hitting a girl outside of a race.") show how conscious he is of his image. I find the fact that he still keeps Peach's stuff cute. It shows that he can't completely be the jock he tries to be. I find that his favorite color being red and him hating to be cold fits strangely well in his personality.
The Koopa and village girl sub plot helps develop Koopa more. He is torn between his obligations and ties with Bowser, and his obligations and ties to his village. It really does reflect well on Bowser that he encourages Koopa to go.
I find the mystery surrounding the new racer to be... well pointless actually. I don't really like it, but it's a matter of opinion. It certainly doesn't hurt the story.
I like Toad's description. I have always felt the character was on some kind of trip.
Kandros Fir chapter 1 . 2/13
Really strong beginning. The action scene was tense and I like how you interspersed dialogue in between. It helps ground the reader in, helping us understand what the hell is going on. I was a bit thrown off at first that Bowser doesn't seem to be the bad guy. He doesn't act like an a-hole. His remark about Hitler though seems a bit out of the blue. I don't understand the connection.
I like Bowser's interactions with his friends and the people around him, my favorite would be when he talks to Koopa about how he got arrested twice. ("Have I ever let you down before? "Twice and both times you were arrested"). He comes off as a smug jock, but in a likable way. The dynamics of the group is interesting and you explain it in a way that feels natural. I liked the way you ended it. On the surface it doesn't seem like a strong ending, but the atmosphere of dread surrounding King Giga Bowser is well established. I especially liked this line ("The monarch had called twice. No... one more down his call log... three times), something about the italics and ellipses create an anxious feeling.

Now onto characters- Bowser I have already mentioned comes off as a bit of an arrogant jock, but he's likable. His need for speed, his competitiveness is relate-able.
Daisy runs on adrenaline, Luigi is what I like to call an "Inertia" character- he is passive, and will likely only act when pushed by an outside force. I wish that most of their characterization didn't come from Bowser telling us about them, but he doesn't tell us everything, like some fanfictions try to do.
Kamek is Bowser's bro, they seem close, they banter, but he doesn't seem too bad. I haven't formed a solid opinion on him yet.
Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 2/11
Hi! For starters, I'm fandom blind about Mario Kart, but I'll do my best in reviewing.

Ah, fast, short sentence that leads to action is my soft spot! They work very well here because this fic is about actions in racing. Also, actions always work well in grabbing readers' attention. :)

The imagery is amazing. I feel like I'm watching the race now. When Bowser steered the cart past the underneath of the brontosaurus, I can practically see it. And then there's the thought that the brontosaurus may crush them. Which is true, because driving under it has such risk. Then driving past a gap. I love the descriptions for that (rocketed off of the wooden ramp, flew over the lake, and landed on the other side); I can see what is happening there! And then Bowser's kart 'flying over the geysers'. It's a simple description, but I can 'see' what is happening. And later, the descriptions about cars (the one when Bowser has gone out to smoke). The repetition of cars and roads just work as the description because it fits to the racing atmosphere of the story, and the other things in surrounding: skyscrapers, roadside restaurants, parking garages just add to the environment.

Another thing I notice is the third-person voice. I've read articles about "strong third-person voice", and this fic has it. The snarky narrative from Bowser (such as the aforementioned repetition of cars and roads) makes the third-person narrative especially effective. I especially love 'It began to rain; he scooted under an awning, so his feet alone became soaked. Whatever. He needed his nicotine.'. It just works!

Now the ending leaves me hanging. 'An involuntary shudder ran through his body' gives a hint that there is something wrong.

Whew, what a ride! I'll soon be checking out the next chapter! :)
frankannestein chapter 28 . 2/11
Hello, LL!

All right, so. I finished reading this a couple of days ago, and then had to stop and soak in everything that happened. Because it was a lot! LOL Every chapter answered some questions and revealed some more lies, and I just kept getting blown away by each one.

Red and Baby. Why didn't I see that coming? But then of course I want to know who his father is - I wasn't sure what Red was implying about that. :3 I guess that means I can hope for a sequel.

Actually, speaking of hoping for a sequel - you anticipated my yelling, so I won't go there. Haha. So many things that happened, right up until the end. So many feels. I could not tear myself away from this weird relationship Bowser and Rosalina have (I mean, they're so much in love it hurts, but really, they're terrible, terrible people and the terribleness is what's wrecked everything for them and I just want to CRY). And then Rosalina gives Toadette back. I could have kissed her, but I wanted to slap her, too, for turning Bowser into her attack dog first.

And then! Petey and the Piranha people, and what was up with Polari? Ahhhhh, a story can't end like that. It's not good for my heart. LOL.

While I'm rambling all over the place, the fight scenes and action scenes and big climax were well worth every single chapter leading up to them. How the team all came together and played their roles (which sadly does include Toad and Toadette), how Dry Bones showed us what it was he was after, how Bowser proved that he could fight, how Rosalina let us in on what "blood magic" does to both the living and the dead . . .

And, my God. What twisted her so badly to put ruling a kingdom - HER kingdom, as she put it - above everything else in the universe . . . She ended up being one of the best villains I've read about. I have a thing for lady villains, anyway, and antiheroes. Basically, this story is everything I love about reading, and it's all character driven. I won't be forgetting it any time soon.

Since you've been so sweet and obliging every time I've had a specific question, I'd like to know more about the time lapse chamber, please. Rosalina mentions it, but I'm not sure what it does or how it works. :3

Really, I guess that's it. Good luck to you on your future projects, and thanks for sharing this wonderful, gripping story!

Yours,
Anne
rhinosgirl chapter 1 . 2/10
Hi, LightningLaveau! Rhino here –hugs- I am almost completely fandom blind, so please forgive me any canon ignorance.
I love being able to visualise in my head what is going on in a story, so I am very interested in seeing if I can achieve this in your “visual-heavy” story.
I was immediately drawn in by the fast pace of your story. I felt exactly like I was in the middle of the game, which was quite dizzying at times with all the “swerving” and racing!
The descriptions of the “Item Box” and how it worked definitely intrigued me. The knowledge that I can pick up boxes of banana peels and throw them at other contestants? A definite encouragement to start playing the game, as is your detailed description of the track (the ramps and the water features, for example).
I have encountered Donkey Kong in other games, and I can just imagine that if he could talk he would call someone an idiot if they annoyed him. Great personalisation there. In fact, I enjoyed the humanisations and interactions of all your characters. Their dialogue truly made them come to life, and gave each of them personalities of their own. I agree wholeheartedly with Bowser on the “God damn margins” thought. Maths should never come into the result of a competition! Win or lose, I say!
I found the restaurant scene to be a refreshing contrast to the race. It was slower with more direct communication between the characters, and was a great set up to the story ahead. Spies and kings and babies? I definitely did not expect them to come up in a story based on a video game. Nice set up for the future!
Lexik chapter 13 . 2/7
Now we know why the title is what it is :)

Heh, the heir naming has nice build up. The compliments to his clothing (haha, Toadette dressed him again) and the advice on what to say on stage tipped the hand nicely.

Such a fragmented and emotional interlude. I like it. Getting to see the fracture that Bowser's life became after his parents' deaths is a welcome surprise, especially Rosalina's earlier role. Snapshots of the team complete the picture.

Wario's fixer-upper, "It blossoms."
Toad's house, "Too empty."
Some brats mess with Daisy's car, "She never sleeps again."

Each line is so simple, but brimmed with pure, honest emotion.

Then, it comes full circle. Back to Bowser; back to the beginning.
Lexik chapter 11 . 2/7
The ending. Holy cats, that ending. Here I'm completely convinced a creative spin on Rosalina's Item saved the day, but then you throw it out the window.

Now I'm at the guessing table. Luma? But that doesn't quite. . . maybe? I briefly thought, maybe Peach, but that's even more of a stretch. Ditto with Lakitu.

Kamek and Kamella seem a probably a thought. Hmm. . . Well, since you're picking at many Mario things, my next best guess would honestly be Geno. It smells like a wishing star.

And the political intrigue grows thicker. It's never as simple as it looks.
Lexik chapter 10 . 2/7
Koopa being Japanese feels really out of place, even as a joke. Too real planet earth on a world that seems. . . somewhere between earth and Mario without being either.

Paratroopa declares war, Bowser's gang is with him, and it's good. He really picked up a loyal troop. :)

Toadette raids Bowser's closet. It had to happen didn't it? Especially since you've mentioned that Bowser doesn't make his bed. Feminine touch is doing him more favors than he probably realizes.

". . . And the most confusing shoes he had seen so far in his short life. For starters, she stood several inches taller today than she had yesterday.
"'So how... tall are you now? Five foot five? Six?'"
Confusing because it makes her taller, implies that it probably looks impossible to walk in, and Bowser is male: it all works. Stamp of approval. :3

"'It looks like you.' As one-liners went, he gave it a nine out of ten." Bowser rates his own lines, lol.

Toadette's perspective is a welcome change of pace. She adds so much, and she's so good for Bowser. Boy needs more people he can confide with, and his circumstances limit that so much.
frankannestein chapter 23 . 2/6
One review that doesn't count. I need to shut up and just finish reading this because I keep getting everything all wrong. :3 So that's probably what I'll do. See you at the final.
frankannestein chapter 22 . 2/6
Oh, interesting. So we get to see this scene again, but from the other side.

I thought I remembered someone saying that though Lee calls Rosalina "Mama," she isn't really his mother. Here, though, the language is pretty clear: [She squeezes her son's hand and lets him clamber back into the front seat.] IS he her son? Will we find out what their relationship is about and how it started? I do hope so. Curiosity is a powerful thing.

Okay, she's old. Centuries old. Was that stated before? I think it may have been hinted at. Is she really Peach's sister? Is Peach super old too, or is there just a big age gap?

She wants her kingdom. That's what this is all about?

I'm so lost. *wails* I have even more questions than before. It's beyond useless to put any more of them here, but . . . I'm . . . so . . . lost. I'll keep reading and see if I can catch up.
frankannestein chapter 21 . 2/6
Oh, so it was Paratroopa who finally went there (I say after reading the first scene). I was wondering when that talk was going to come up. I should have known it would be the newcomer once I knew she was a girl. The whole conversation was really well done, and although I didn't expect loneliness to be the emotion ruling the day, it fits.

I continue to be confused by the Bones group. Who is really doing what and why. I know I'm supposed to be confused, so well done? I couldn't figure out why Bowser was schmoozing with them. Yeah, I'm pretty slow on the uptake, lol. It was a neat scene, though, on the outside all fake and homey, on the inside full of barbs and inside-jokery. And now Bowser has horns. Sweet.

My very favorite part, though, was here: [Without so much as a word Yoshi hoisted Toadette up into the ambulance alongside her bloodied partner.] Yoshi may not know about all these people apparently willing to do anything for a blood sample from Bowser, but it was kind of him to do for someone on another team. I give him props.

Anne
Lexik chapter 8 . 2/6
And we get to see Kamek! I'm left absolutely delighted. "Not as stupid as you used to be," he says. Loving this old man even more. Blunt old man he is, and he seems much more like family than Bowser's blood relatives.

Hmm... Cautions about Toadette being a spy. With the scene set as it is, I feel Boo and Petey are more likely to bring trouble around than her, if because they have and still appear to be actively selling themselves into the FDR. That, and since Bowser hates them and seems to like her, it's hard to think ill of Toadette.

The fire part is weird. Not bad weird. Just weird as in. . . appropriately out of body mystical-ish?
Lexik chapter 7 . 2/6
"'But it's fine, she came in perfect condition.' After talking to Dry Bones for so long, even he was making her sound like a mail-order commodity. Urgh." This, lol. I started out being mildly troubled with the persistent labeling of Toadette as an "it", but comments like this manage to inject a slice of humor while still keeping it distasteful And I concur that Dry Bones is a creep.

"You won't need them." This line, among many others, makes me love Kamek. He hasn't even made a proper appearance, but his role thus far as Bowser's conscience, sense, and responsibility is wonderful.
Lexik chapter 6 . 2/6
I'm making a note to attempt the tongue on the roof of the mouth trick if I ever get a brain freeze from eating ice cream.

Enter Peach, who "smells of cinnamon and euphoria." He's really still hung up on her, isn't he. . . Such an awkward conversation, too. Although, that's expected. Hmm, the distraction with Toadette's hair, though. That really is the thing with having fluffy hair; every other person plays with it.

Bowser's opinion is hilarious. Mushroom Cup tracks? Awesome because he remembers knocking Boo into the quicksand. XD

What a back and forth race. Fun stuff; Toadette put Petey into a wall. :D

"Greed is good," says Wario. He would say something like that.

I'm not really a car person, but I have enough friends and relatives who are that Toadette's tour of Bowser's collection was quite nice :) Especially the twice gifted Ferrari that was the wrong color, and his reasoning behind when he does or doesn't take each for a spin.
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