|Reviews for Here with Us A Constantine Christmas Story|
| J u s t . E s c a p e chapter 2 . 1/26/2009
I can see that like myself, you try censoring some of those more graphic, brutal words which I do respect.
This story is good and has a good story-line. The characters flow nicely (the originals) but the thing that bothers me, as an avid fan of the film, is that this is too Seventh Heaven for Constantine. But I do realize that your intention here is to dwell on Chas. It's softer than I like but I give you credit for a good inspirational take.
I rather dislike that John isn't in this, considering your title is after his last name...But it is the title of the film, though clearly it was named after John.
At least your OCs are not Sueish neither, which is difficult to come by these days. I find Ariella an intriguing character and I think that the mild chemistry between her and Chas is overall very sweet. It's surprising to see a side of Chas we didn't see in the film where he's actually being a gentleman at some points...
Suggestion: I'd like you to bring out Chas' inner interest in Biblical studies as well as Paranormal...Demonology and such that he expressed in the film.
| T-U-X-I-D-O-G-R-E-Y chapter 2 . 1/12/2009
It's a very good story for anyone who adores Chas. The drama was carried out good but Chas' dad is like a total jerk. He acts wierd. haha.
Ariela is a very good character and Neela is too. They don't seem Mary Sue so far so that is a good thing.
But how about a suggestion? The title...It's called a Constantine Christmas Story but since John Constantine isn't in this, why not re-title it Here With Us A Chas Kramer Christmas Story? It just don't make since to call it "Constantine" whenever John's not the main character in it. And Chas is a cool enough character to deserve a story titled in his honor. If I were you, I'd name it after him and maybe even Ariela too cause they are the main ones of this story. I don't see John anywhere and this is before Chas even knew him. Of course, this is just a friendly suggestion. But it's kinda like the title of the movie. It wouldn't be right for them to call it "Constantine" if it's about Chas...just an example of what I mean.
Anyway, this is really good. I wasn't sure of it at first, but as I read on I really got into it. I'll be checking back for the update.
| TravelingThroughTime chapter 2 . 1/11/2009
He was walking home because his dad needed the car for some errand early *that's* morning.
*She* must have startled her because she almost dropped her phone... (I think you meant *He* if it was Chas who startled her)
He motioned for Ariela to *say* still, and he crept forward a step. (may wanna change say to stay).
Dang girl, this is the best chapter so far! I was so into the scene between Chas and his Dad. It really had meon the edge of my seat! Now I know what's been up with Chas and all.
His father looked at him with sadness (*in*) his eyes, and shook his head.
Wow! I gotta read more! This chapter was full of angsty drama and it's so realistic. You dodn't over-do anything here. It was PERFECT! Update as soon as you can!
Oh yeah, all the characters acted veryreal just like people do in these sorts of situations. Good job!
| TravelingThroughTime chapter 1 . 1/9/2009
Hi Eowyn-whitelady1! I was excited to see that you posted and I'm so glad it's more than a one shot. I must admit that (due to him being my favorite, as well as Angela) I'm apprehensive with anything that doesn't include John, but after reading this I fell in love. Plus you mentioned that John may make a cameo too! Though if he does or not, I still adore this.
Now, here's one little thing (I'm offering a tip on characterization):
"What's up, Neela?" (okay, I like it. However, Chas was always known in the movie to say the classic 'sup?' lazy-phrase as I call it. It's up to you to change it, but he likes to say that. heehee!
Wow, I really am intrigued by Neela. She seems pretty sweet. You do great with your OCs. Also, I love that Ariela, even though her dad has a great job, she isn't another rich girl throwin' good money away. It also makes them more loveable to me, as a family, that they are generous folks.
I've caught a few little typos in your story. Like this for example: She how high the cost of living in the city was... (may wanna squeeze *knew* between *She* and *how*
The part about a watch for Chas' mom really warmed my heart. I too kind of feel like Chas would've loved his mother. So, I'm glad you wrote him as such.
I really wanna know what is up with Chas and why he's so worried. So far, you've captured his character rather well for my part and I am happy to know that being around Ariela brings such a comfort to him...a comfort he's secretly longing for. Also, I'm glad he's being mature about his parents' finacial problems. In a way, I think I can relate to how he feels, as far as being mature in tight spots go so I relish that.
Neela like Jesse? I love that! I was actually visioning her to sort of look and talk like Jesse! I like it!
Well, overall I am so into this! And I hope you post before long! As for me, my time is getting tighter with me having to make preperations for college...sighs. So I don't post as frequently as I use to. lol. But ah well! I love your story girl, you're doing GREAT!
I think you got the weather temp. right for L.A. It's usually pretty warm there all year round. Though, if I'm not mistaken, they did get some snow round the mountain ranges. But that's nowhere near the city - which stays pretty warm...though you can see the mountains from there depending on what side you're on.