|Reviews for Broken Memories|
| ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
Whiteweaver- You're a great author, just change the dashes around the speaking parts to quotation marks. Great story.
Aside from that- We need you back at the forum, so please, come back. You're missed.
| Lacunose chapter 2 . 2/19/2009
Your writing style is very good, and very mature. Your imagery is used clearly and with depth. The main problem that I find with this that the way it reads is a little boring.
The first chapter immediately as a strange girl appearing, with wounds that don't heal. There's a very emotive scene described at the beginning, but that seems to be all the emotion in that chapter. It's painfully obvious that the various characters in the pairings like each other, which means that there is no room for tension to build. The reader is thrown into the action straight off the bat- but then what happens? They go try to find help. For an event which has so much potential to go wrong, Aera and Loki seem to be terribly unfeeling about the whole thing, and the idea I get from it is that they are only doing it because they feel like they should as good citizens and good people. There is not enough emotive opinion as they do so.
The characters are captured well- but only through their dialogue. If I hadn't known the characters first, I don't think I would have linked with them quite as well- and even now, I feel like they're not real characters, but just a few faces with dialogue that matches what should be their personality, but I'm not really seeing the person themselves, if you get what I mean.
What I suggest is that you let the characters control themselves instead of dictating their lives. Imagine yourself in their shoes. They've got stuff that they want to say, and stuff that they want to do. So if you thrust on them situations they're not comfortable with, how would they react? Would they create a perfect story? Put in more emotion, more opinion through the characters' POV, and more imperfections. So in a way, perfect stories are terrible, simply because no-one can relate completely with flawlessness, because that's impossible. Everyone has faults, and so should your story- because that's what gives a story its own personality.
| the Mirage Prismatic chapter 2 . 2/18/2009
WHAT IS WITH YOU! IT'S AN AWESOME STORY! I LOVE IT! Especially the mysterious shadow beast. and the girl. Seriously. the plot line sounds like my kinda story. please update!
| the Mirage Prismatic chapter 1 . 2/18/2009
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOUR STORY'S GREAT!I LOVE IT! It's been awhile since i've played Summon Night but i think you captured the personalities pretty well! Wait...i was going to say something else... okay it's gone. but great-wait i remembered! You are a good writer! youbrought out the scenes really well:i hate stories with just dialouge. and bringing your OC into it was awesome: i do it all the time! Keep goingandnow i'll stop cause i still haven'tread you're next chapter! STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN! YOU ROCK!
| Ichigo -usagi Wizu chapter 1 . 1/14/2009
Wow... it's cool! i liked the language and grammar! btw... seems our gabri-chan have a lot of fans here!
can't wait fur more...