Reviews for Lelouch of the Revolution
Ganheim chapter 1 . 5/4
he had come up
[“had verb” is a weak construction that lends passivity to the passage]

He was on his
[Add “wasverb” and “wereverb” to the hadverb list]

to go his faithful adviser
[The lack of a comma implies this is one contiguous segment, rather than related but separate ones which I think is intended]

General Bartley, had managed
[hadverb]

Clovis himself
[Repetition]

Clovis would shrink
[shirk]

get out of ones
[one’s]

opera Clovis sat
[opera,]

that sound alright
[all right seems the only thing that a nobleman or his servant would say]

drawled lazily
[Same thing]

Suddenly the prince
[Adverbs tend to the same problem as hadverbs. Here you tell instead of find]

students dressed in their school uniforms
[Gasp! How descriptive!]

who he could
[whom, as it’s referring to the object of the sentence]

President had just
[hadverb]

Rivalz Cardemonde
[I’d have expected him to be carting Lelouch out gambling from chess game to chess game]

Naturally the girls blushed with the praise
[I don’t approve of this as objective narrative, but if the narrative is focalized on Clovis it’s an amusing egotistic thing to see]

she had been wearing
[she wore, or more simply just her helmet]

"…" Clovis didn't answer
[These both do the same thing, and neither is really descriptive]

through the box he had made with his fingers
[through a box of his fingers]

me to comeback
[come back – missing that space changes the meaning]

asked quickly noticing
[useless adverb. Sorry, that was repetitive of me]

of the schools
[school’s]

That wasn't something Clovis had expected to hear
[Telling. If you portrayed his architectural musings or something that fleshes out his perceptions and presumptions then we’d have the scene clarified and the character developed]

recalling something from long ago
[As scatterbrained as he was, I’m not sure he’d have remembered Marianne’s assassination. Clovis was implied to be off in his own world (or wrapped up in his sector thereof) by that point]

Nina." she pointed
[She]

same thing with his hands as
[Run-on sentence, splitting it would also allow you to decide if you want to focalize on Lelouch’s perspective (the beginning of the sentence) or Clovis (end)]

as well." they
[well,”]

haired teen internally
[I don’t see why it would be internal, much less an adverb]

flinched; of course
[flinched.]

Chapter 2
"It is you isn't it
[I’m surprised he doesn’t consider the possibility of a look-alike. Time has passed, changing looks (rather drastically in this segment of life), and the possibility of somebody who reminds him of Lelouch should be higher than a half-brother he may have never personally seen]

had taken him
[took]

completely by surprise
[adverb]

devastated." Clovis continued
[devastated,” – speech tags use a comma to transition into and out of their dialog, as long as a question mark or exclamation point wouldn’t need to close the sentence]

asked in total shock
[Telling]

answer her but just continued
[This sentence is entirely telling, giving no insight into the perceptions, motivations]

to look horrified
[Showing would’ve been much more gripping]

It was now early
[Passive, ‘evening fell’ or something like that would be more concise and gripping]

Clovis had just
[hadverb]

Nunnally had gotten worn
council were in
No one had said
Lelouch was huddled
[Passive]

gazing out with a worried look on her face
[Telling. Give observable details and let the audience piece together the conclusions]

Nina chose to cloister
[cloistered]

had actually happened
[had-adverb]

were standing on
[stood]

staring at him
[After more than 15 minutes? No, I don’t believe it. 1 minute perhaps, especially DURING the fact, but now they’d be interrogating him]

with no emotion
[An explanative metaphor (tone dry as the Gobi) would explain the same thing in a less telling way]

from his upright fatal position
[That includes a lot of hunching that I don’t see Lelouch taking – he’s economical in his movements]

Clovis has already contacted
[clovis contacted alone would’ve been plenty]

would earn him far too much good grace
[They were cast out, even if this might be true I’d think the years of bitterness would lead Lelouch to think less positively even if he doesn’t dislike Clovis]

school." she answered
[Speech tags need a comma instead of period for transition]

I like “new event causes ripple effects that drastically change the course of the story”, but there’s a lot of telling and passive phrasing in this story that leaves the depictions unclear.
Becky the editor chapter 21 . 4/20
Blaspheme is a verb. Blasphemy is a noun. The phrase is "Utter blasphemy" not "Utter blaspheme."
Becky chapter 20 . 4/20
Ok, your story is interesting, but please for the love of sanity, use the right words.

week (noun) - a 7 day unit of measure
weak (adjective) - not strong

steel (noun) - metal
steal (verb) - to take something that doesn't belong to you

Those are just two I can think of off the top of my head. They are homophones, but there is, I assure, you a difference in the spelling.
cg fan boyo chapter 52 . 4/18
it has been a nice journey so far. i really hope you finish this story :)
CG fan boyo chapter 40 . 4/17
I always loved that little speech by zero after the hotel jacking
Guest chapter 24 . 4/17
you are the military epic lines
Guest chapter 22 . 4/17
wow i was mind fu c k ed
Guest chapter 18 . 4/17
hahaha good idea for LL to rob him while throwing a tantrum
Guest chapter 12 . 4/17
awww should have made suzzy fight and defeat all the purist to earn their respect
Guest chapter 6 . 4/17
ARRR excellent chapter cant wait for LL to barf in the simulator
Fainfan chapter 3 . 4/16
Woohoo LL working out
Number 2415 L.S chapter 52 . 3/16
Reviews make you write faster ,eh ? Does this mean i should go back and review EVERY chapter ...Because i will if i have too ...
Im loving this story so far ,I love how interesting you keep making and ive really gotten a feel for how long R1 actually lasted in the Code Geass timeline (That may sound like a bad thing but its not)
Thank you for writing this ,it one the the top Jewels of the CG fanfictions in my opinion and i cant wait to see more (Take whatever time you need ,Longer waits produce better chapters)
Thank you for writing this story
Im not going to my usual Idea mercenary pitch (A role ive decided to take up as ive realised im good with ideas but suck at actually writing them)
If i can help in anyway dont hesitate to ask
Once again
Thank you soo much
Number 2415 L.S chapter 48 . 3/16
Hu ...I thought the Black Knights would still get the Guren MK II ...i guess i was wrong but doesnt this mean that the Shen-Hu is only the raw bones of the Frame as im pretty sure it wasnt finished in R2 ?
Number 2415 L.S chapter 35 . 3/14
The inner Scot in me is pushing me to say so I'm sorry
The Celtic God's where Scottish too... And German... And French... I'll shut up now
JumpingToaster chapter 12 . 3/12
After readings author's note at the bottom...

ALL HAIL WIKIPEDIA! ALL HAIL WIKIPEDIA! ALL HAIL WIKIPEDIA!
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