Reviews for The Chosen 12: The life of the Smash Universe
Lonely Cubone chapter 8 . 1/23/2010
OMG! Ness! Lucas! Are you OK? Oh, curse you, Chaos. I wonder who they'll come after next... or they'll still target Ness. (I hope its because he's the best of the veterans. Jigglypuff's the 2nd best! This is an opinion.) This is an awesome story. Another collection in my favorite Lucas fanfictions!
IwaKitsune chapter 8 . 1/14/2010
Shall I say how much I love this fic, wan? owo

Oh god, everything sound and looks so awesome, da wan! XD

I love this, and enjoy every minute of it, some parts send shivers down my spine but I really liked all of it, wan x3

You don't know how much I love Pikachu, and I'm starting to fell in love with the PK boys~

Okay in this chapter... I can almost SWEAR that the imagine of Lucas holding Claus before he died was flashing in my head all the time, and I'm almost sure Lucas saw it too, wan...

Please continue, this is so cool, wan TwT

(Ignore the 'da wan' please, just a verbal(?) tic, wan XD)
Nira Rose chapter 8 . 12/31/2009
...this is really, REALLY awesome. Keep at it, please! Oh and, Happy New Years! (even if it is a few hours too early... .; )
assbele chapter 8 . 12/13/2009
This is pretty awesome :D I really like the story and want to know what happens.

I did notice a lot of punctual errors, but overlooking those, it's pretty good. Can't wait for more :D

Commander Knight Falchion chapter 8 . 12/5/2009
Uhh, scarred? You call that scarring? Not reaally... I noticed fewer sentence-related mistakes as the story went on, but they weren't nonexistent. You need to fix that. A few grammatical errors, mainly in the your/you're region. Overall this chapter was much better. You shouldn't give up, though. The only way to become better is to try, try, try.
Commander Knight Falchion chapter 2 . 12/5/2009
You repeated the sentence problem, but not the redundancy. the shadow thing part was interesting; you still have the same good qualities.
Commander Knight Falchion chapter 1 . 12/5/2009
A couple of things that I want to point out: One, you've got some unfinished sentences and a whole lot of short ones. You need to combine some of these into long, complex sentences. Second, this chapter was EXTREMELY redundant. You repeated the fact that the twelve were the life force about three times all close to each other in the story. You also repeated the fighting to no end part quite a bit, around three times again. There were also a few parts where you weren't making sense because of the cut-off sentences. Now, don't get me wrong; you had quite a few good qualities, like a promising and original storyline, and you grabbed my interest. I just think you should try and lengthen your sentences and avoid repeating yourself too much.
SchrodingersHipster chapter 8 . 9/5/2009
This chapter wasn't that bad with the themes...I think. And with so much youi on here, what could be worse? :) But I did like this chapter and PIKACHU IS BACK! YESH! Finally, as for the mistake thing, all I saw was that with Pikachu where you have the parentasis () for him, you either missed a couple spots or had one and not the other so it looked like this: "(*insert words here*" *insert more words here*. But thats it. Yea for new chappy quickly :D
fourteenwings chapter 8 . 9/5/2009
Well, that so seemed like yaoi at the end but I do have a twisted little fangirl mind...

Wow, I'm not too scarred but Lucas seems to be very, very psychologically scarred. I hope he doesnt overdo it or anything and then he cant protect Ness when this happens next. Well, hugs for Pikachu and Sonic for putting away their differrences and all.

Hmm, the shadows seemed to have contol of the situation and I (really really twistedly) think I wanted Ness and Lucas to go, I just really thought it was their time. But they can't die can they? Haha, you don't have that type horror writer in you ;)

Well, can't wait for more speedy updates like this one!
ChaosE chapter 1 . 9/5/2009
Dying for more since Christmas. I love this too much T_T. Its special cuz it is one of the first fics I ever read on FF.
Monksea chapter 8 . 9/4/2009
This is so addicitng 0.o i need more...
MahNati chapter 8 . 9/4/2009
I-I'm speechless! Very, very intense chapter! (this one became my favorite so far) Yay, Sonic and Pikachu are back! I swear I was almost yelling "God dammit! It's the end!"! XD The only grammatical mistake I found was, again, the ponctuation. Try using more commas instead )
ChaosE chapter 7 . 9/3/2009
Nicely done. Very suspenseful indeed. However, this apparrently isn't something to read immediately after watching a terrifying horror movie. I'm gonna have nightmares but it got me looking forward to an update.
fourteenwings chapter 7 . 9/1/2009
Ness hanged his head low, lips trembling.

Um' it's hung. Sorry, just wanted to correct that, and also:

Maybe the embodied hand can shed some light on this

DIS-embodied. For a secnd there I thought master hand now had a body. Phew!

Anyway, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN GIRL! Okay, I know what happened (Kudo's for the sony, I have a mecer.) but sometimes I have serious story deprival things and this was one of them and I'm happy you're back and writing this.

I feel really bad for Peach and Luigi. ANd mostly Kirby. I mean it's one thing to have it happen to you but it's a more terrible thing to watch isn't it? Well, Master hand did have some explaining to do, I mean with the entire house all up in flames what would he have done?

Wow, Crazy Hand (Somehow) Betrayed us? I mean the smashers? Who am I kidding HE BETRAYED ALL OF US! Well, can't wait for more. I hope you stick to that promise of yours even if you suck with promises!
Starrgrl24 chapter 7 . 9/1/2009
The suspense and drama had left me speechless, but I still gotta make a review. ;) This was definitely a crazy chapter! My heart was racing the entire time. Some lives had been lost's kinda sad. I admit, you are a master of suspense! You had done an amazing job with the storyline. My eyes never peeled off the was that suspenseful and dramatic. I guess it's just me because I love those kinds of story. I'm REALLY lovin this story so far!

Congratulations! I now hate Chaos as much as Varuna and Vicious (reference to other fanfics). He is a part of my most hated characters! He is THAT evil. I hope Chaos will be taken down...this is just HORRIBLE! You bet I can't wait for the next chapter! I am very patient anyways! I admit the dream Ness had was kinda scary. It was poor Lucas for goodness sake! It was still awesome!
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