|Reviews for The Thin Grey Line|
| BlackRose274 chapter 10 . 12/21/2009
heyy great ending! i'll remember to read the sequel! loved it, i love your style and how you get each of the characters personalities down in text! :) Amazing!
| thenormalfreak chapter 10 . 11/3/2009
hi! i was wondering if you were going to write a sequal!, maby focusing more on the half demon bb side of things?, no pressure but me and my mates think it would be a really cool plot line!... by the way LOVED the plot!
| Agent of the Divine One chapter 10 . 11/1/2009
Nice. Enough action for there to be a real sense of accomplishment and then just enough romance at the end to show that things had turned out for the best.
Thanks for all the hard work. :)
| 34567876545678767 chapter 10 . 10/19/2009
oO Free cookies for being evil?
Damn that's tempting.
dislodge each rune from its molding and let *if tall*
picked up the Blade of Judgment. *He* was far to preoccupied with turning Beast Boy over
Awesomeness, thank you for going to the trouble of writing all of this.
*hands over a cookie tin of holding*
You deserve this
| nekoken chapter 9 . 8/29/2009
great story love the BB and Rae fluff. though the Yoda thing got a little old after awhile lol. hope to see the next chapter soon
| severineyung chapter 9 . 8/29/2009
Great to see even Kaska loses sometimes. But for the fight at the end, he seemed rather less powerful than I expect an 'invincible' demon would be...would he be so easily rivalled by Beast Boy? Or maybe I misunderstood something.
Thadius stepping down from his post there seemed a bit sudden.
Wonder where Raven disappeared to.
Something this chapter lacks that other chapters have a lot of, is mystery and suspense.
Maybe that's why the story doesn't feel as intense and absorbing as it usually does.
Hopefully this helps! :D
| Agent of the Divine One chapter 9 . 8/26/2009
Well to be fair not every chapter can be full of action. This is a stepping stone to the next chapter which will explode into being.
I was anticipating one of the Titans being in the middle of something when the teleporter was used. And that was handled well. Ha ha! The only thing that could have made it better is if he was wearing a shower cap. xD
See you in the next chapter.
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 6/14/2009
By and large, I like the way you're suggesting a quiet attraction between Raven and Beast Boy has been growing for a long, long time - and probably still has a ways to go before they'll be admitting anything to each other, as far as I can tell from this chapter. No need to rush into things!
I also liked some of the humor - for instance, Raven regretting the fact that no cosmetics company sells a proper foundation for a "Demon Ivory" complexion. (Since I know virtually nothing about cosmetics, I have no idea whether it's realistic to imply that no makeup in the real world would be suitable for Raven's purposes, but I can accept that assumption for the sake of argument.)
Darius is obviously the sort of guy who figures that his personal opinion of where his "duty" lies is far more important than such trivia as what the local laws of any given land say about whether or not it's all right to go around sticking your magic sword in people just because you suspect they MIGHT be planning to do bad things in the future. I find myself wondering if the Titans, when all this is over, will end up locking him away in prison somewhere for awhile to teach him that it isn't supposed to work that way.
I admit I didn't expect the sword to cleave Raven's soul in half. I think I'd been assuming its magical judgment of a person's moral fiber would be strictly an all-or-nothing proposition - you pass or you fail. Live and learn!
Now for some comments about where there's room for improvement:
My advice is to recruit a Beta-Reader who's a real stickler about such things as punctuation and spelling. There are a lot of little typographical errors throughout this chapter. Most of them don't prevent me from understanding what's going on, but they can be distracting. I'll provide a few quick examples, just to demonstrate.
There are several spelling errors. For instance, early on you tell us that the knight (Darius, as we later learn) has a short sword strapped "on his site" when I think you meant it was "on his side" or "at his side." A moment later you tell us "he was being perused." "Perused" is a real word, but it just means someone is studying him. I'm fairly sure you wanted to say "pursued," which would mean someone was chasing him! And a bit later he tugs at the "reigns" on his horse. It should be "reins" - "reigns" means something else.
As to punctuation errors, I'll settle for just mentioning one example of a mistake which you made repeatedly. One of the pursuers yells:
* “Stop this madness Darius!” *
The name (or nickname, or title) of a person being addressed directly in a line of spoken dialogue should be set off from the rest of the sentence of dialogue by commas. In other words, that should have said:
“Stop this madness, Darius!”
The comma makes it clearer to the reader that the speaker is NOT talking about stopping something called "madness Darius." There were several other times in the conversations in this chapter where you also needed commas for the same basic reason.
There are plenty of other things I could nitpick about, but I don't want to bore you to death. I just want to demonstrate that it would be worth your trouble to recruit a Beta to do a thorough job of helping you identify various little rough spots in your writing which need further polish.
| Agent of the Divine One chapter 8 . 5/9/2009
Whoo! That was too close for comfort! But the corrupt Inquisitor is gone and Beast Boy and Raven are that much closer to saving the day.
Which is going to grow even more complicated now.
| severineyung chapter 8 . 5/7/2009
So nice to see the other Titans again! :) Like the idea of the emergency teleporting device!
"And why for the love of dusting do you always appear that way?" (Cyborg to Grelkkin) lol.
I'm glad you addressed my question about Beast Boy not being able to lift Raven in pteradactyl form whilst being able to lift Cyborg.
It's good we get to see Marcus again, and it seems the good white knights are so rare.
Kinda cool that the Inquisitor could probe into Raven's mind.
Nice idea of the metal batons of different types of tortures.
Yay! I'm glad they've found a shortcut to the temple!
| Wolvmbm chapter 8 . 5/7/2009
Nice to get an update on the rest of the Titans as it seems that both Raven and Beast boy are in a pickle of their own. :(
This was a great chapter and a fun cliffhanger to read. :D
Please keep up the good work upon this great story of yours. ;)
| BlackRose274 chapter 8 . 5/7/2009
it was good :):):)
m interesting you always come up with new twists and turns that i absolutley enjoy!
| dark-fire-rebel chapter 8 . 5/7/2009
keep up the good work!
update as soon as possible C:
| Handerra chapter 8 . 5/7/2009
Good job. I just realized the goblin speaks like Yoda.
| BlackRose274 chapter 7 . 4/8/2009
BEST CHAPTER SO FARR
it was soo good! got alittle graphic there for a sec but it was great!
update soon please!