Reviews for Reverse Nekoken
Guest chapter 4 . 9/9/2014
Oh please continue
goddessa39 chapter 4 . 1/25/2013
Mwahahaha! I certainly laughed. And Ryoga really does deserve a sound beating.
Igfry chapter 4 . 5/19/2011
what a twist.
deitarionSSokolow chapter 4 . 7/22/2010
Could be better if there weren't a slight dissonance between the serious character exploration elements and the implausibly unlikely over-the-top silly double entendre, but still really good.
jack chapter 1 . 5/15/2010
excellent story
Inufox chapter 4 . 11/20/2009
Cool! loves it lots! lol on the innuendos!
shadowfan999 chapter 4 . 11/9/2009
this is the ha ha ha ha funniest he he he he story i have hi hi hi hi ever read please keep up the ho ho ho ho ho good work and continue.
Loatroll chapter 4 . 6/30/2009
Cool idea! I've never seen Ranma with a anti-phobia to cats, nor have I ever seen the "Prepare to die!" from the opposite direction between Ranma and Ryouga, that really cracked me up. :D

Thanks for the interesting read! Really looking forward to more :-)
ChaosRonin chapter 4 . 5/24/2009
heh i really liek what you have done with this ranma, cant wait to see more of this story and the Naruto/Oblivion Xoover as well.
Ganheim chapter 4 . 5/12/2009
Chapter 3, cont.

about there money.

[their]

go through katas

[In a tiny pit? I think not]

Ranma also noticed that his martial arts had developed since coming in the pit.

[Developing physical skills when in physical confines? Need I point out how unlikely that is?]

here for month

[months]

moving on.” said

[on,]

Genma shouted as he reared back

[Why wouldn’t he just grab Ranma and run?]

when he see’s

[sees]

at them all

[all.]

there conversation

[their]

calmed down more.”

[Unneeded ‘more’]

to there room.”

[their]

This Chapter contains gratuitous amounts of innuendos.

[It's certainly more than helps your story]

Chapter 4

a louse guard.

[loose]

have their Saotome.”

[there]

Neko-chan is a white Bengal tiger.”

[And yet you haven’t so much as insinuated that at all before. Bengals are relatively distinctive]

“He’s only a few years old.

[By age four, that tiger would be big enough that it would obviously be a member of the ‘big cats’ family, only if it was under 2 would it possibly be mistaken for a domestic cat]

concerning the C-word?”

[I don’t get it, this isn’t clearly referring to Akane calling Neko a pet (please note ‘pet’ doesn’t start with ‘c’]

“What!”

[What?]

“When we get to school I don’t know you.”

Ranma blinked before getting an annoyed look on his face.

[Given the harshness of what she says, and the more independent, less socially needy appearance of this Ranma, I’m surprised (almost OOC) that he’d just meekly take this]

to.” Ranma growled

[to,]

lady pouring a bucket of water over Ranma

[Ranma’s on the fence. She doesn’t pour the water, she’s throwing ladles of it in a form of ritual purification of her family grounds and the area around it]

unstable to?”

[too]

came out from behind the skeleton.

[Please refer to ‘skeleton’ if you need a visual reference: they’re not solid. You can see through them. Tofu would be easily visible behind ‘Betty’]

We we’re looking

[were]

“What!”

[What?]

of obvious!”

[This isn’t a shout, it’s a statement]

“Jusenkyo?” Dr Tofu asked quietly.

[ Tofu didn’t know about Jusenkyo until Ranma explained it]

who started to back away from the two fighters.

[Given how Ranma’s not really impressed her that much and Neko’s still out of the way, shouldn’t she be advancing, and angry at Ranma for butting in on her fight?]

a big Ni hoa.

[It’s “Nihao”. Tip: Spell things correctly. Tip 2: go back and fix it when you mess up. You have the technology]

cat characters are Garfield and Tom from Tom and Jerry

[I know you’re just going off mass media you’re familiar with, but what about looking up Japanese media? Nuku Nuku is at least semipopular, and was published before Ranma , so that’s a valid reference…even if the main character isn’t a pure cat]

allows animals in

[‘animal’ is accurate, it’s ‘pet’ that’s demeaning]

under there desks.

[their]

let louse relived

[loose]

don’t ok!”

[don’t, ok?]

Akane hasn’t even

[When you warned ‘innuendo’, I thought you meant ‘having some semblance of purpose, but also being funny’. This is neither funny nor purposeful, just crude. Pretty much this whole section down to Tofu’s office (and a lot of that) SHOULD have been deleted]

“I think you should stop with the double entendres,

[I think you should as well]

The Black and

[black]

your back Akane.”

[Akane?]

“Nice cockerel,

[Look, it’s another pointlessly crude scene]

“Did you really see that one coming?” asked Soun.

“It was rather obvious, father.” Kasumi said nonplussed.

[That was probably the least crude (and therefore actually funniest) joke in your entire story]

backs killing me

[back’s]

“Ryoga.” Ranma

[Ryouga,]

“Furingkan?”

[Furinkan]

“Ryoga Hibiki, prepare to die!” Ryoga froze as fear took over him.

[That would’ve been funny if it wasn’t for the pointlessly crude humour in the rest of the chapter]

Ryoga worst fear

[Ryouga’s]

suffer to.

[too]

The crude humour does nothing to help your fic. I would have said that it’s an interesting story, and the characters are handled relatively well, but you have SO many technical problems (grammar, misspelled words, homophones that a foreigner with 2 years of English should be able to avoid) that the story suffers. If you’d just fix those technical problems (and avoid crude humor in the future), this would look to be a very good story. The issue is not just self-checking or getting a beta, don’t forget to go back and fix mistakes: you have the ability, FFnet makes things fairly easy, and doing so makes you look _much_ more professional. I can understand things slipping by once (hence why Betas are good if your mistakes are consistently slipping past you), but they’re not excusable after reviewers are pointing them out to you.
Ganheim chapter 3 . 5/12/2009
have in a ultimate

[an]

“thank god

[Thank]

you.” said the out of

[Should have comma instead of period for transition to the direct speech tag]

“huh” was Genma’s

[Huh,]

while the bottom part of his body had positioned itself to flee at any moment.

[Although this technically works, it’s very passive. This would be more active (and, I feel, stronger):]

while positioning his legs to flee at any moment.

weren’t you” the shop keeper yelled,

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

“uh maybe” Genma said

[Uh, maybe,]

mustn’t you hear” the shop keeper shouted

[mustn’t, you hear?]

Genma’s gi a shaking

[and]

shaking it violently.

[shaking _him_]

some such rubbish”

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

was out of date”

[date.]

“wait are we talking

[Wait,]

that has been pass

[passed]

to generation.

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

Your telling me

[You’re]

the shop Keeper

[keeper]

“hey can I see

[Hey,]

“you stole

[You]

“and why am

[And]

“how about this.

[How]

“sure that sounds

[Sure,]

turned around to put in his pack.

[put _it_ in]

“hey were did they

[Hey,]

“son of

[Son]

“alright lets see

[Alright, let’s]

[I found the shopkeeper running after Genma for an outdated manual unlikely. If Genma had simply found the updated manual before leaving, that would’ve made more sense. Or maybe they talked about it in the shop. Or something, I just felt that this as it was while certainly entertaining was also pretty unlikely]

the surprise fleeing.

[Fleeing is not so much a surprise, and the kid wouldn’t necessarily know it was fleeing. A surprise _run_ makes a lot of sense]

“hmm looks like

[Hmm,]

“come on boy.

[Come on,]

if your to learn the nekoken”

[“you’re”, and missing comma after nekoken]

My grammar might not be perfect so any help pointing it out would be appreciated.

[You started off with a surprisingly interesting idea, but you have a LOT of technical flaws that seriously detract from the quality of the story. Stop and check over it yourself before posting it, maybe get a Beta Reader]

Chapter 2

road were a panda

[where]

“wadja mean you

[Capitalization, punctuation]

“yeah sure”

[Yeah, sure.]

as the panda sweat dropped.

[Cliché]

“as much as

[As]

you want” sign

[want,” the sign]

“as long

[As long]

as you hurry”

[hurry.]

“there better be”

[There better be.]

“o that’ll

[Oh,]

Ranma now” said Nabiki

[now,]

been so long “

[long,”]

“uhh daddy

[Uh, daddy,]

panda at are front

[our]

go away.” Soun said

[away,]

some hot water.”

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

alright” said

[alright,]

spitless.” a voice yelled

[spitless,]

scratching there head

[I know we all do it now and again since English doesn’t have a convenient gender-neutral personal pronoun, but ‘there’ is the plural and in this case it looks like you’re violating number consistency. Use either ‘his’ or ‘her’ (the former if you’re focusing on the perceptions of the Tendos)]

god your here.”

[you’re]

Soun Tendo was just realising his dream had come true were his future son in law had arrived to take care of himself, his family and his dojo

[This sentence just doesn’t work. On its own it’s muddled, bad grammar and an obfuscated point – it’s also a run on once you get to the next segment]

when he felt something, make it two somethings that shouldn’t be on any boys chest.

[I was about to correct ‘boy’s’ when I had to ask: he’s holding a cat, and Soun is bear-hugging Ranma. Shouldn’t the first thing he really feels be sharp cat claws? Cats like their personal space. If you don’t know, I can say first hand: even an average tabby cat can claw you through a burlap sack (and burlap’s relatively thick and strong)]

“ thank god.

[Thank God. If you’re going to use the plural, that would be ‘the gods’, and besides a few Shinto signs that virtually all Japanese have it’s unclear which one would be better fitting the traditions of the Tendos]

“but I do.”

[But]

“see.”

[See?]

“ahh how darling”

[Ahh, how darling,]

“a girl…”

[A]

Omake

[Oh, look, it’s more crappy toilet humour, just like the rest of the garbage choking the internet]

Chapter 3

What did my wife look like again!

[Quoth “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”: GET ON WITH IT!]

the red head

[The]

Would you like to be friends?”

[This is too fast. Akane’s not going to be feeling as pressured as canon based on what you’ve got so far, but she’s going to still consider this new person a strange outsider. Her asking Ranma to spar made a lot of sense. Her suddenly asking to be friends…not so much]

we came here.”

[here,]

The Empress!

[Before you rag on how some people treat their pets, I want to remind you that the Japanese are the ones who make Kobe Beef, and they lavish their pets at least as much]

Nabiki yelled.

[Snapped makes sense, but yelled not so much. There hasn’t been enough provocation for that]

Kasumi raised from

[You mean ‘stood’?]

there.” she added

[there,]

day.” she muttered.

[day,]

“Daddy no baka.” she muttered

[Unnecessary Japanese, punctuation]

“A little.” the red head said

[little,]

I have been training in martial arts for about ten years.

[Between 10-14, actually. Ranma was somewhere between 1-3 when he signed the seppuku contract]

a black belt in Kempo as well as

[This seems more arrogant and obtrusive than how it was done in canon, and since events don’t progress any differently I don’t see a point for anything in this paragraph]

“If your so good

[you’re]

The rare few that did get the better of him

[Having ‘Neko’ watch is okay. Him then going on this long introspective that basically says ‘Ranma doesn’t lose/give up’ doesn’t add anything we don’t pretty much already know. I’d delete most of this paragraph. By the way, you don’t describe him nearly enough – all you mentioned was some vague ‘there’s white and there’s black’ which could apply to nearly every creature on earth. Later I saw ‘Bengalese’, but there’s no hint of that here around his introduction where you need to at least allude such important information to your audience]

what look like,

[looked]

cornered girl with her strongest attack.

[You forget to mention that Akane bashes the side of the dojo]

head. Signalling she

[head, signaling]

that.” Akane said

[that,]

look to bad”

[too bad.]

guess your right.”

[you’re]

way. You are

[way, you]

you even ones!

[once]

“Would that be a problem.”

[Interrogative missing its question mark]

enough’ Ranma thought

[enough,]

wanted to asked

[ask]

‘god she’ll

[God,]

as my Family’.

[family]

heads out stretched

[head’s out-stretched]

the cat meowed

[The]

closing his eyes

[eyes.]

“Meow”

[Meow.]

this so Hilarious.”

[hilarious]

Pops will probably still want to stay.”

[Given Genma’s behavior (judged from the rest of canon), wouldn’t Ranma suspect his father of preparing to flee as soon as it’s convenient – probably soon?]

engagement. If we’re costing

[engagement, if]

them to much.”

[too]

was to tired

[too]

“Akane the bathroom’s free.

[This implies she checked – in canon, Kasumi told Nabiki to remind Akane, hence the middle assumed the elder had already checked. Here I’d have just stuck with ‘Akane remember to shower’]

strode passed her

[past]

'she seems to

[She]

if I join her’

[her.]

the black and white cat

[That is no-where near enough to hint that this is a Bengalese instead of a tabby kitten]

of the cat’s tailed,

[off, tail]

Neko look at his pray who

[prey, whom]

Nabiki of for

[off]

that as well.

[well.”]

cat on me”

[me!”]

“I can explain”

[explain,]

black kun fu trousers.

[kung, usually]

Soun took I deep

[took _a_]

training partner”

[partner.]

is his son”

[son.]

grab his son

[grabbed]

for old man”

[man?]

soft flesh behind Genma’s leg.

[The softest flesh on the leg is on the inside of the back of the knee. I have a feeling that would be remarkably awkward, though biting the achilles’ tendon wouldn’t be so. Either way, it’s implausible that Genma wouldn’t obey the reflexive action to jerk away from pain]

get it of…

[off]

Panda.” mumbled Kasumi

[panda,]

have got up

[gotten]

have Daddy.” Nabiki said

[have, daddy,]

drowned cat.” Ranma sighed

[cat,]

wrong with cats.

[cats?]

either.” Nabiki retorted.

[either,]

planet.” Ranma said

[planet,]

"Their clever,

[They’re]

once more who began

[more,]

pet” Nabiki started

[pet,]

did you say.”

[say?]

your blaming an

[you’re]

see that Tendo!

[Tendo?]

“Were you going

[Where]

“By the way”

[way,]

Ranma said stopping

[said,]

closed her eye,

[eyes]

His eyes had narrowed like a cats.

[Cats narrow their eyes no more than humans, what makes cat eyes unique (besides the retinas and inner eyelids) is the vertical pupil]

those cat like eyes.

[cat-like]

at me but” he

[but,]

Ranma let loose a roar

[The aura and ‘ya got that’ made the point for me, I don’t see a whole lot being added by him braying like a tiger]

gone better.” he said

[better,]

move or strange martial art?”

[technique]

he see a cat

[sees]

if touch difficult.

[_a_ touch]

“Sound crazy

[Sounds]

“ indeed. The training

[Indeed]

looked of into space.

[looked off]

shop had so live

[had,]

feed those cat!

[cats]

Keep doing your katas alright!”

[Are you trying to tell me that Ranma did _any_ kata in a pit less than 1x1x3 meters? I would like to call a BS]

decided to got

[go]

There eyes glinted

[Their]

The cats upon seeing the food all roared and moved as one.

[This is sensible – you’re describing them as being hungry and large numbers of animals exhibit the same dis-inhibition in numbers as humans (some call the latter the ‘mob effect’). However, you th
Wordlurker chapter 4 . 5/8/2009
Reverse Nekoken, indeed. Rather amusing idea, and one I haven't seen before. Good work!
Pryde Kitty chapter 4 . 5/6/2009
WOW! You got Nihao wrong, but OMG! I think this is one of the few times somebody's had the first encounter between them with Ranma saying "Ryoga Hibiki, prepare to die!". That is INCREDIBLY unique and funny! What I find even more hilarious is that he's TERRIFIED of Ranma! This has totally made your Fanfic even MORE awesome then before with it's new uniqueness. I can't wait to read more! 3
MShrieken chapter 4 . 5/6/2009
/rolling on the floor gasping painfully "C-cock!" /wheezes out a laugh

M
Jerry Unipeg chapter 4 . 5/5/2009
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) Oh boy, I wondering, what Ryoga did.
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