|Reviews for Bloodlust|
| Renee Aubin chapter 19 . 11/10/2016
The wilderness cabin was a good solution:
‘The complete lack of a human presence inhibited temptation for us both… slowly, the matching color of our eyes faded from ruby to golden as we proceeded to feed on the animals around us. The isolation also proved to be the best possible distraction, allowing us the opportunity to focus on each other…’
A well done epilogue.
Going back over this story, I was struck not only by the skilled writing, and the consistency with the canon characters, but also by the way you took this story in directions I haven’t seen before. I was surprised that although this story is six years old, I hadn’t run across it until recently. I was encouraged, too, to see that you completed another AU story just last year – I’ll have to check it out.
“Bloodlust” is definitely a good addition to my list of well imagined, well crafted AU stories – thank you for sharing.
| Renee Aubin chapter 18 . 11/10/2016
Chapters 17 and 18:
Edward’s mad plan: ‘My goal was to make the act mundane, to transform the gourmet meal into stale bread and flat water, but with each hunt, I only found myself wanting more rather than having built up the tolerance I had hoped to achieve.’
Well done, from Edward’s fantasy of revenge on Jane:
‘Her body slumped to the ground and shattered into a hundred pieces, each of which transformed into a cawing crow that took to the sky.’
Oh, my, Jasper decides Bella should be told what Edward is doing. ‘The possibility that Edward would find his way back on his own was looking to be less convincing with each passing day, and there was only one person that could snap him out of it...’
It was thoughtful of Alice to call Bella at the same time every day. A deliberate contrast to the last time Edward left her, taking everyone with him.
Good for Bella: ‘In the days that passed since Edward left, I was adamant to keep myself from falling into the same void as the one I lived in when he first left me.’
Makes sense that she hadn’t been back to the Cullen house since he left.
Well said: ‘…holding onto resentment and anger because they made a stronger wall around me than one of tears could make.’
Hmm: ‘I never revealed to Charlie that Edward was gone again. After all, what was one more lie added to the mountain of them I had already piled up?’
I can see why she wanted to avoid that conversation.
Yes, that would be unnerving finding all the Cullens gathered when she gets to the house.
No pressure, from Alice: “I have to bring him home and I would like to tell him you're here waiting for him. Are you?”
An interesting way of explaining it:
"He does want to [come home]," Alice assured. "He wants to so badly that he's gone to extremes."
"Edward is under the belief that the more human blood he drinks, the less desirable it will become," Jasper revealed, gradually lifting his gaze to meet mine. "I know from many years of experience, that just isn't true.” His explanation for how persistent the craving is, was interesting.
Well, I guess it could get worse: “He's thinking of surrendering to the Volturi to land a place next to Aro, and once he's there, he's going to find a way to murder Jane. It would be his final act, because it would result in his own death."
Touching: "So, yes. My answer is yes. Bring him back to me. He'll always have me... Where else would I go?"
Interesting logic: “Changing me will prove to him that I want him. That I still want us."
From Alice: "If you really want to go through with it then I trust your judgment.”
It’s about time someone said that to Bella! But are we really going to do this?
Good choice: "When Edward sees me again I need to be human. If Carlisle changes me now it will just prove to him that he can't be trusted to keep me safe, and we can't start our life together if he ever doubts that."
“He could kill you."
"He won't," I insisted. "But if I'm the only one that believes it, then maybe that's all he needs. I'm going with you."
Sounds like Bella, all right.
Chapter 18 begins with a nice moment with Charlie, Bella taking the time to say goodbye this time before leaving town, just in case.
Bella chooses to go by herself to find Edward at the beach cottage. "I have to show him I still trust him. This is the only way I can do that.”
"Does he know I'm close by?" I wondered.
Alice pulled back looked at me sadly. "He always feels like you're close by."
Doesn’t sound like something that should happen to a vampire: ‘I felt the room begin to spin. Blood, dismay, heartache, and failure were a toxic combination…’
Clever, since he doesn’t realize it’s actually her: ‘I gazed at the beauty of Bella's ghostly figure, afraid to blink, for I never knew how long she would stay visible to me.’
That was a remarkable scene, how Edward struggled to cope with Bella’s actual physical presence. Talk about whiplash!
‘"I didn't mean any of it. Every second of every day I wished I could take it all back. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was trying to keep you... safe... from myself..." I realized too late that I had completely went against my plan by having Bella this close to me, my mouth just inches from her throat.’
So he backs away as far as he can stand it. ‘I refused, after everything I've been through, to fall victim to myself with Bella's life at stake.’
But of course she refuses to stay back.
Excellent: ‘Her words were the daggers that slew my darkness. It was exactly what I needed to hear from her. She had come for me, and found me behind my own eyes.’
Wow, she’s brave: “I realized that I didn't want you to think you were something I needed protection from. … I want you to spend the rest of eternity knowing that you were my savior, not that you were my threat. You want to keep me safe, Edward? Then make me safe. It has to be you... I trust you."
It was kind of shocking that he bit her right away, right there where they stood on the pier, although I quickly came to like it. A nice symmetry, that he bit her in the same place where the tiny bit of blood had made him so feral when they made love.
| Renee Aubin chapter 16 . 11/10/2016
Composite review for ch. 13-16.
Chapter 13 starts off with a bang, with Alice (and eventually Jasper) tearing through the door to restrain Edward from killing Bella. Well described, how she struggles to understand what she’s seeing: ‘His eyes glinted, and like oil spilling into an amber sea, every trace of color was blotted out until nothing was left but two ravenous pools of ebony.’
‘Edward's focus on me was frighteningly unyielding. He growled, uttered savage grunts, but never a single word escaped his lips, as though he really was some kind of vicious animal with a single primal goal in mind:
Good job on the action in this scene! That’s not easy to do.
True: ‘As much as it terrified me, I couldn't bear the thought of how much he would be tearing himself down afterward for allowing himself to act this way.’
Wow, even after A&J have him under control: ‘The hard black glare that had been affixed on me the entire time refused to abandon its post, and though Edward was visibly sedated, there was a harshness in his eyes that would not soften.’
It’s certainly unnerving how long he simply continues to stare at her without saying a single word. ‘I almost felt more fearful of him now than when he was clawing for me.’
‘"You see what I am?" Edward said, finally breaking his silence. His voice low and ominous.
… "Edward, it's okay. You slipped. It's not your fault."
"You're right, it's not... It's yours," he bit back unexpectedly.’
And “You're the only one, Bella, that's foolish enough to think that by believing, by wishing it were true, I can deny what I really am... what I really want."
And "What I want, is running through your veins. What I want, I can't get unless I rip through your flesh."
‘Edward spoke with an [eerie] calmness, making his words hurt that much more.’
It certainly would.
Wow, and she finally snaps: "You're a monster. A MONSTER! Get away from me!"
An awful end to the chapter. “Edward’s gone.”
Chapter 14 picks up with EPOV, and we see that he was being perfectly honest.
‘I had placed my trust in her faith, and it failed me. Humiliated that I had no control over what possessed me, any horror I felt about nearly killing Bella was trumped by fury. Even as I was muzzled by my brother's ability, beneath my sedated exterior I could only think one thing:
How could she do this to me?’
Oh, sad: ‘I was back at square one, only this time, it was worse. This time, I was completely alone with nobody to run towards for solace and comfort.’
And when he gets to Port Angeles and catches scent of humans, ‘Whether I wanted to or not, I was on a new hunt now.’
Did not expect that.
Some twisted logic: ‘I refused to fall victim to my nature again. Perhaps the only option left to ensure that I wouldn't was to succumb to it.’
It was definitely creepy watching him search the ferry boat for the victim he had chosen. He passes on the flirtatious woman: ‘But I didn't really want her. I wanted him. Whether I was being stubborn or just stalling, I couldn't determine, but I refused to settle for another substitute. I've had enough with tolerating consolation prizes.’
Oh jeez, a gory description of killing the man – but then, we’re talking about a vampire here.
‘There was nothing in that moment but the feeling of relief and complete satisfaction.’
Unlike the countless animals he had consumed since Ethan. ‘Finally, this tasted right. This, felt normal.’
‘I looked at myself in the small rectangular mirror ... I watched as a dark red hue gradually seeped into my irises, and swirled into the black pools until they were saturated with blood, drowning out any recognition of myself. Finally given a face to the whispers and urges I'd heard calling from inside, I was left staring into the eyes of my enemy. The man beside me was not the only one to have died in his car. As his life slipped away, he took me with him, and the demon took my place.
Edward Cullen, was gone.’
How are we ever going to come back from THIS?
In Ch. 15 we get Jasper’s view of the struggle with Edward: ‘It was more than just thirst that took over Edward's mind. What had possessed him was stark madness.’
Well done, showing us what Jasper has to juggle:
‘Bella's pain also became mine, adding to the load I was already carrying. I felt it all — Edward's rage, his thirst, his humiliation and betrayal... Bella's devastation and heartache... Alice's trepidation, and even my own anxiety about holding everything together by what felt like a thread.’
This really makes me wonder whether what happened to Edward was something other than we’ve understood so far…
Well done, when they find Edward’s car:
‘…our view of the abandoned silver vehicle. Staring at the empty shell, I realized that its former occupant was just as equally abandoned. Edward was no longer in the driver's seat, both literally and figuratively.’
Oh, wow, Alice and Jasper had returned as soon as she saw E&B were alone together – it wasn’t even because she saw him attack Bella.
Surprising that Bella decides to hold Edward accountable for the things he said to her:
‘I would always be forgiving of his nature, but it was his choice to say what he did to me, and I decided that was not something I could overlook as easily.’
True: ‘My newfound anger and resentment almost felt good — easier to deal with.’
But ultimately: ‘Edward's last kind words echoed in my memory, and I convinced myself that they held more truth than the ones he uttered in darkness.’
Chapter 16 begins with Edward wandering in Canadian wilderness:
‘The human blood I ingested had lifted me to a powerful high that I desperately clung to, because in the back of my mind I knew what would be waiting for me once it faded.’
And he’s not doing so well…
‘I literally collapsed as well, knees first onto the wet earth, right in front of Bella. She wasn't really there, of course.’
A well turned phrase: ‘I wept at Bella's feet with tears borrowed from the sky…’
And then he thinks the motel housekeeper is Bella…
‘And that's when I realized the impossibility of returning to Bella in my current condition. If I could barely stand being around an average human without attacking them, how could I possibly deny the one I wanted most?’
So then he decides that he will “desensitize” himself by feeding on humans. ‘Starving my demon didn't work, so instead, I was going to drown it.’
This is not going well…
Clever: ‘As if her fragrance alone wasn't enough to attract me, the blood-red blouse she wore was like a sign from below…’
That was quite a number he ran on poor Kathryn.
Oh so definitely dark.
| Renee Aubin chapter 12 . 11/10/2016
Composite for chapters 9 thru 12:
I love your view into Jasper in ch. 9: ‘I had veiled [my thoughts] from him while I was inside the house, not wanting him to know exactly just how much I was struggling to keep his emotions placid, and making sure he never felt the full extent of his craving. Having his doubts confirmed that he was a bomb ready to explode wouldn't have done him any good.’
Well described: ‘…Edward's self-control was shaken in the moment he picked up on Bella's quickened pulse. I felt it as well; his sudden jolt of want.’
Even when Jasper escapes into the woods: ‘I could still feel remnants of Edward's craving and anxiety clinging to me, whispering cryptic insanity into my ear.’
He has a really hard time shaking it off.
‘It was as if I had used up all my serenity on Edward, leaving none for myself to recover.’
Nice: ‘Bella was fragile and vulnerable, and I could feel that she meant just as much to Edward as Alice meant to me…’
‘"You're saying that like it justifies his death; like he's collateral damage." I uttered, unable to say the boy's name.
Carlisle's … answer in his thoughts reached me before he could sugarcoat it with his words:
Because he is.’
In ch. 10 – a cop’s daughter is bound to be rattled by this:
‘A split-second of panic tore through me as I realized the magnitude of what I had done. Plain and simple, I had burned evidence to a crime.’
Good job describing Alice’s standoffish demeanor when Bella goes to the Cullen home in search of Edward. That would do nothing for Bella’s peace of mind.
"I just think that maybe it's not such a good idea for you to tempt Edward by being around him."
I was really surprised at the tension between Alice and Bella:
"And I thought the purpose was to help him deal, not quarantine him like he has some demonic plague.”
This kind of explains Alice’s edginess:
‘“You don't realize how hard [Jasper] was struggling to keep Edward's emotions docile around you," she revealed.’
‘"He was going to kill you!" Alice shouted after me.
I froze. The words speared through my heart like a blunt arrow.’
Then Edward’s appearance from the forest made me squirm – I’m amazed that you managed to make Edward Cullen frightening.
Well done, Edward to Alice and Jasper:
"I know that I'm being a burden to you guys right now, and I'm so sorry for that, but having Bella close to me is just as necessary as having you both use your abilities to help me cope. I can't do without either … please, just help me... Help me keep her with me."
A turning point:
‘"I will beat this," Edward said, sounding resolute about his situation for the first time. …
He seemed more determined to overcome, than to be scared of himself, and I was proud to be his incentive.’
Aww: ‘Night after night, Bella remained alone in her bed as I failed to regain the confidence in resuming my position by her side as she slept.’
‘Over the past week, frustration had transformed me into an aggressive hunter. I massacred my kill with contempt for their insipid blood which refused to satisfy my needs. I shredded them to pieces after consuming every last drop, pulverizing their bones to dust as I choked back the hot red syrup that felt like it was burning a hole inside me.’
Interesting: ‘Jasper was right. I needed to display confidence, not only for Bella's benefit, but also my own.’ Good speculation too about how he wanted to keep to their plan rather than turning Bella now to solve the problem triggered by killing Ethan.
I hadn’t thought of it this way: ‘I had been awake for over a hundred years. My existence was one everlasting day.’
How haunting to hear the search parties looking for Ethan.
Good idea, having Bella stay overnight at the Cullens, where there is support for Edward in case he gets into trouble. Also, finally, some of the rapport between Alice and Bella returns.
Nice: ‘She had her own magic about her which she used to shield away the darkness. That was my Bella — stubbornly full of hope and faith.’
An encouraging description of how Edward calms himself when Bella falls asleep in his arms while watching a movie. Including, ‘I had been so accustomed to avoiding inhaling her scent lately that I had nearly forgotten how lovely it was.’
Excellent: ‘Time that used to torture me by crawling by found a different way to agonize me as it reeled in the morning light quicker than I wanted it to. I remained completely still underneath Bella in hopes that she wouldn't notice its arrival…’
"But I was completely relaxed."
"That was all you," Jasper smiled. "Congratulations."
Nicely done scene where Bella unexpectedly comes to the Cullen house when Edward is home alone. A good moment: ‘Simply holding her and feeling how relaxed she was inside my embrace had more of a calming effect on me than anything Jasper had fabricated for me.’
Whoa! ‘I decided then and there to grab hold of what should rightfully be mine, and if I was going to trust myself, I was going to take the biggest leap of faith I could think of...’
All at once he was fed up with waiting. It even takes Bella a few minutes to understand what he’s offering.
‘Not long ago, I had told her that I was afraid of her pulse, but as I felt it thrumming wildly against my mouth, the desires I craved as a vampire, were overruled by what I craved as a man. A smile escaped me with my revelation, and I knew in that moment that I had nothing to fear.’
Well that’s pretty much the acid test.
Nicely done lovemaking … until the scary thing about the faint taste of blood.
| Renee Aubin chapter 8 . 11/10/2016
Hello, Kalejay. I was going to just write a couple sentences on the last chapter, but as I skimmed back through the story to decide what to say, I just found too many ideas or characterizations or vivid images that deserved mention. So this is a composite for chapters 1-8.
Hmm, I liked Aquila’s talent of using animals for spies. Very clever!
Your Jane was very good too.
Very well done scene in Ch. 2 of what it was like for Edward to be so tempted by Ethan’s spilled blood.
And when he returns to Bella:
‘He looked through me. I felt scared for a reason I didn't understand.’
Creepy. And a bit later she thinks ‘it was like someone else was peering at me through [his eyes].’
‘I must have subconsciously decided to attack Bella or Alice wouldn't have felt the need to intervene.’
Jasper’s understanding of the temptation Edward is dealing with is so helpful. How unnerving, though, that Alice ‘peered at me like I was a bomb about to explode.’ Seeing the visions from her POV totally justified her worry.
And then after hunting,
‘The sound of snapping branches lifted my eyes to see a figure looking down at me. The dead ice-blue eyes cut into mine and he smiled sardonically.
Feel better? Ethan inquired.’
Well said: ‘Edward was complex but also very simple at the same time.’
Oh my gosh, the scene in ch. 5 where Bella goes into the forest looking for Edward and Jasper. You made both Jasper and Edward scary! Shiver:
‘"Go back to the house," [Jasper] finally replied, his lips being the only movement that broke his static frame.
I turned to see what he was looking at, and found Edward standing above me.’
Thank goodness it turns out to be a dream!
Oh, I didn’t even think how Ethan’s death might play out re the treaty. It’s probably good that Carlisle told Sam.
‘"A boy is dead and Edward goes scot-free. All is well with the world," Jake continued, muttering through gritted teeth.’
It’s so wrong that he needs this assurance from Alice before going to see Bella:
"It's okay, Edward. You won't hurt her."
(Nice use of that line, btw.)
Quite a dilemma:
‘I knew that the only thing that would absolutely guarantee her safety would be my absence, but I made the mistake of leaving her once and I wouldn't doom myself to repeat it. … Leaving her was not an option — not unless she cast me away.’
Aww, how thoughtful of Bella to collect and remove the clothing stained with Ethan’s blood.
Smile: ‘Considering our situation, I couldn't help but feel a tad guilty about enjoying myself by letting my eyes wander over his statuesque build, but I was caught in a trance; hypnotized by this perfect image of strength and virility.’
Yeah, shirtless Edward is pretty amazing – why should she waste this rare opportunity?
How discouraging: ‘Not since the first time I met Bella did I have such little control over this kind of reaction in me. Since we had been together I had been able to resist my natural instinct around her, and now it was like I was back at square one.’
And ‘…The heartbeat … that had begun to torture me…’
It’s a big improvement over canon Edward that he decides to tell her the truth about Ethan and the aftermath.
‘…he needed me to know exactly what happened.’ How else can she help?
Classic Bella: ‘Even knowing the horrid details, fear was not among the emotions running through me.’
Wow: ‘"Any concerns I felt back then about putting you in danger by my mere presence is nothing... nothing... compared to the very real threat I am to you now," he replied sternly.’
What a beautiful image:
‘I could see the Sol Duc river below beyond my window from the bed. In a rare occurrence, the clouds had totally vanished from the sky and allowed the light of the full moon to throw diamonds off the surface of the water.’
It’s lovely that this is soothing to him: ‘I marveled at the fact that she was comfortable enough in my arms to allow sleep to claim her.’
Creepy detail that minutes later he’s staring at the pulse point on her neck.
Vivid: ‘Jasper was listening [for Bella’s departure] as well, for the instant the sound of tires rolling over pavement and loose stones vanished, so did his empathic hold over me. It was like being punched in the gut as the full extent of my anxiety crashed back upon me.’
Thank goodness, a light moment between Alice and Edward:
‘…she lowered my fingers onto the keys, strategically placing them on what she thought may be the correct notes to begin a song. I couldn't help but smile at the atrocity her selected notes played in my mind. …
I raised an eyebrow and pressed my fingers down on the keys she had chosen for me. The God-awful noise that resounded made her cringe so dramatically it actually made me laugh.’
Good observation: ‘[The monsters] had ordinary names like Victoria and Jane; pleasant names really, if you stopped to think about them.’
| readicted chapter 19 . 7/22/2016
I stumbled across this fic after reading o e of your others. I only meant to see if it was a story I'd like to add to my TBR, but once I started reading this fic I couldn't put it down. It was a dark, angst, enthralling read. I'm sorry that for some reason, ffn wouldn't allow me to post reviews. I tried several times to post them, but chapter five was the last one that I could post. I writing this final review, with the hope that this one will post. I enjoyed your story and it is deserving of the reviews.
| readicted chapter 9 . 7/21/2016
To see just how deeply and thoroughly this is effecting Jasper is concerning. Of course this then effects Alice. It's also alarming that he's having such a hard time shedding the aftereffects. The crows, are they influencing behaviors, enhancing everyone's emotions or impulses, or are they spies left behind or nothing at all. Very interesting. I love the conversation that Carlisle and Edward have. I like that Carlisle is firm, and clear. It was surprising. All along I had been wondering how will Carlisle handle this. You managed to completely surprise me. I was also surprised to learn just how much Edward needed to rely on Jasper's calming hold. This is so good.
| readicted chapter 10 . 7/20/2016
Wow, what a chapter! It's late at night here and I am reading under the cover so the light doesn't disturb my DH, so I can't be any more articulate than that, but 'Wow' is a very fitting sentiment.
| readicted chapter 8 . 7/20/2016
Interesting that Edward felt such a marked difference when Jasper left. And the fact that Jasper left immediately after Bella is testament to just how much of a toll this is taking on him and his limits. This one incident is having deep rippling effects. How deep is the question. A odd decision that Bella decided to bring Edward's blood-soaked clothing to her home. Not her best decision I think. Why not burn them at the Cullen's, while Edward was out. Surprised Edward didn't burn them himself straight away. Same with Ethan's body. Why leave that gruesome evidence behind?
| readicted chapter 7 . 7/20/2016
Hmm. Sounds like Bella's inadvertently giving Edward 'a pass' on future killings. He's already said he's willing to kill a multitude in her place. Perhaps she didn't realize how literal he was being. Edward seems very much at the edge of his control. How will Bella reconcile her conscience and her feelings for her vampire fiance if he murders others to keep himself from murdering her. I think the treaty will also be pushed to its very limit. How will Carlisle deal with this? Very interesting that now that Edward no longer trusts his control, he has reinforced his pledge to never leave.
| readicted chapter 5 . 7/20/2016
I had restrain myself from leaving a review after just the first paragraph. I was beside myself that Bella would be so reckless and crazy as to chase after Edward and JASPER while they were hunting. I wanted to shake her senseless, then it got worse and then, I took a deep breath. I think when the wolves discover Ethan's corpse, they may have misgivings. He didn't have to bite him. And I wondered why he just left him laying there like that. No clean-up, no staging. I'm all about Edward and Bella, but I always felt awful for Jake. And in this instance, he's not wrong in his concerns. And poor Ethan.
| readicted chapter 4 . 7/20/2016
So, in the clearing, Edward hadn't really decided to attack Bella, but Alice saw the possibility? Alice's entire demeanor has shifted, right along with Edward's. If I were Bella, that would freak me the heck out. "Be careful." Yeah, thanks for the sage advice. Duly noted. Problem is, how exactly does one be careful with their vampire lover. I guess no more snogging, for one. Bella doesn't want to show fear with Edward so, I'm curious how this is gonna go with being 'careful.'
| readicted chapter 3 . 7/20/2016
I feel Edward's torment, his internal conflict and confusion, his desire, hunger and denial so keenly. Excellent writing. Edward's battle with his more primal self is probably torturing Jasper and pushing him to his limits. This puts Alice in an awful predicament too.
| readicted chapter 2 . 7/20/2016
Oh my. Me thinks the dynamic between Edward and Bella is about to be drastically altered. How will his family handle this? I must know. On to the next chapter!
| readicted chapter 1 . 7/20/2016
I just finished one of your other fics and stumbled across this one. Wasn't planning to read it, but read a bit out of curiosity, and man, I am intrigued. Welp, on to chapter two!