|Reviews for Fate:Spiral Time|
| Phlogiston Man chapter 4 . 10/16/2013
You keep saying SS and I'm not sure what you mean. Are you talking about the SAS or the SIS? The Security Service has those initials, but it gets shortened to MI5(since it's Military Intelligence, Section 5), not SS. I'm just saying, when someone says "the SS" most people think of a certain German organization.
| polarpwnage chapter 4 . 8/28/2013
Ugh while I enjoy this fanfic, it feels more like an original novel superimposed with Fate's character names, only a few personalities remained the same and Shirou's cooking is worse than Sakura's?! Where's the Mage Association's Enforcers? Arthurian would never have lasted a month in the military exposing Magecraft without getting a sealing designation on her ass and executed. I guess the only way to read this is to just pretend it's an original by itself with no association with Fate at all.
| X the Reaper chapter 24 . 8/9/2013
This...was beyond almost anything I have ever read. This story is not beautiful. Because beautiful cannot properly express what this story is. I loved it. I wish you luck in all of your endeavors and I hope that you find even more success in writing. Thank you for writing this story.
| Ryuzaki Drake chapter 24 . 1/14/2013
Very, very satisfying read
Thank you for the time you put into this
| Madgamer2k7 chapter 24 . 1/5/2013
I can't imagine why this story isn't more popular. It's rare to read such a story so filled with detail and careful thought. This has the best and most in depth character development of all the fanfics I can remember reading. Kudos to you for such a wonderful story. I hope to read more stories like this one.
| noah00000 chapter 24 . 12/23/2012
This is one of the best stories I have ever read. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
| changhyon92 chapter 11 . 8/19/2012
Good chapter, just pointing this out to you, you see Shirou has an easier time creating bladed weaponry because of his element: Swords! yes goodness to gracious Swords. If you ever played the game, you would have been privileged with that bit of info. Also, his Origin is swords. If you want to know what an origin is, go to Type-Moon wiki search magecraft in the contents folder select origin and read on
| Datenshi Aoi chapter 24 . 7/31/2012
Ok, I just discovered this fic and tore through it in two sittings, and I have to say it's wonderfully written. Some minor grammatical errors and typos but not enough to detract from the story. I am incredibly happy I found this fic after you finished it, else I would be going crazy waiting for updates.
Now, for the "criticism" part of "constructive criticism," the things that niggled at me. Most of them are easily corrected or even overlooked if we assume this story takes place in a different world than canon, but still...
1 - Your earlier chapters spell Emiya's father's name as KiritsuGA, which you corrected in later chapters.
2 - Rin using a laptop is possible given the 5 years between F/S and this fic, but it's not as obvious a jump as you made it seem, since she (I believe) had trouble using a VCR as a teenager.
3 - You really need to spell out what SS stands for, because every time I read it, I think of Nazi Germany.
4 - Something rubs the wrong way about how public the SS seems to be. Magi seem to be very protective about the existence of magic, and pull out all the stops in eliminating those who would expose the existence of magic to the public. This continues to be sticking point throughout your fic when people just keep revealing/teaching magic willy-nilly. It works out because the people they deal with are also Magi, (with the exception of Hercules) but it just seems everyone is being way too casual with their secrets. ("Oh, I participated in a secret war for the Holy Grain that summoned King Arthur, and even though this is the first time you've heard about it, you should accept it without question.")
5 - In one of your earlier chapters, you have Arturia comment that Japan has more magic practitioners than England. This is exactly wrong in the Nasu-verse. The Mage's Association is very much a European organization with three branches, one of which is headquartered in Britain. I would even go so far as to claim (though I am not certain) that many members of the Clock Tower look down on Japanese magi as backward undeveloped apes, not unlike the SS-traitor you have towards the end.
6 - In one of your earlier chapters, you have someone mention that they think that Kiritsugu and Iriesviel did not know what they were getting into for the 4th War, but in fact they knew very well what they were entering, the only difference being that the prize was already ruined.
7 - I assume the reason you write "G-d" is to avoid blaspheming, but seeing as how with the possible exception of Arturia, the characters are not of the Judeo-Christian faith, wouldn't who they mention be an entirely different entity?
8 - Even though you acknowledge that the Einzbern can make more homunculi, you also keep talking about Illya as though she were the only homunculus. There were at least two others, Leysritte and Sella.
9 - Your use of the term "Tohsakan" as though Tohsaka was a state or nation and Tohsakan's are its residents. Are there "Smithans" and "Goldsonans"? It's "he is a Tohsaka" just like "he is a Smith."
10 - My understanding of Reality Marbles is that it is both innate and a magecraft. The innate part is that the caster has to have such a completely twisted world-view (and Shirou does), that most people who intentionally try to create Reality Marbles go insane.
11 - What the heck is Tracer's Metal and why is it so wonderful? Shirou may be able to modify his Projections, but he has never created anything completely original and he's never surpassed an original item. The reason Projection is a largely ignored magecraft is because the things it creates are inferior to real items. So where did this Tracer's Metal (which must have been created by Shirou, as he invented Tracing) come from?
12 - Shiro can create things other than swords, but at a much greater cost to himself, since his origin is Sword. Something like a completely original armor would be both expensive and brittle.
13 - White is not the wonderful color you view it as, particularly to Japanese people. It is the color of death, and is why they wrap their dearly departed in it.
14 - It's spelled "TadaIma" not "TadaEma." I'm not even sure why you decided to use it, since there is a very clear-cut English equivalent for it: "I'm home."
15 - I'm surprised at how fast Arturia was able to resign from the SS, if it's a government agency that handles covert affairs (like hunting magical beasts). One of their agents suddenly leaving the country permanently would raise all kinds of red flags and investigations.
| pharaoh-90 chapter 24 . 6/22/2012
im actually quite sad to see this end. its very well written. probably one of the best written stories on this site. just adding it to my favorites list doesnt seem good enough...this story deserves something much better than that.
| iShiney chapter 24 . 3/25/2012
Beautifully written story. Wish you can make a sequel! :D
| Riverlia chapter 3 . 3/11/2012
Reviewing as I read the story, so pardon if I'm repeating something your addressed.
Reinforcement can indeed enhance one's eyes, and all mages can use reinforcement (in fact, modern mage in Nasuverse tend to learn martial art to deliver their spell better in combat, and use reinforcement to replace the body conditioning training regimes). However, eye sights on the level of Archer is more along the line of personal skill (Rin was surprised about how far Archer could see).
Not that there is anything wrong with Shirou having similar eye sight to Archer, consider his real identity, and Shirou has demonstrated that level of clairvoyant in the game more than one.
| Junky chapter 24 . 2/18/2012
Don't listen to any negative reviews you get. Nobody has considered that none of the other Nasuverse source material was translated when you wrote the story. You wrote as you saw the game and should be proud of it. It's quite amazing, honestly.
| Blinded in a bolthole chapter 3 . 2/5/2012
On the rings: Tohsaka family used artifacts of similar function in 4th war, so they are not THAT out of place.
On mana bursts: King Arturia used Mana bursts when she was alive too, though she had a unique Magic-Core that provided the huge amount of mana needed for a sustained use of the technique. If this Arturia uses MB it is either of a lover level than Saber's or she has the same unique nature (Arturia had soul of a red dragon).
| qwerty2011 chapter 5 . 12/9/2011
An excellent story thus far, although a few things irk me (mostly about the fourth chapter). I understand that you haven't played the VN, though I can't imagine why, and really, you've done quite a good job based on what information you have gotten from wikis and all that. So my criticism might be affected as a VN player, but I'll try to criticize fairly.
First, dismissing the Tohsaka jewel magic as "childish" is quite ridiculous. That magecraft has been passed down upon generations, and to simply discard it, and for the heir herself to dismiss it, is completely out of character. You must be aware that in the fate/stay night setting, magi have special affinities that allow them to specialize in their own branch of magic (in Rin's case, the five elements is her affinity, basically elemental magic and her lineage allows her to encase her powers in jewels.) Also, because of these affinities, magi can't operate much outside of their given field. Each magi's Magic Circuit is built to be used for their branch of magic. Thus, for Tohsaka to be able to suddenly use a completely different kind of magic is impossible. And said magic is quite overpowered, If I might add. From what I can see, you were writing that ability out with your way of thinking, as opposed to writing it considering Rin's character. It might be your idea of ultimate power, but it probably isn't that character's idea of it. Just because you are the author of this doesn't necessarily mean you can change details like that as you want. It's a pretty common problem in fanfiction since everyone is supposed to write keeping the original character's traits in mind. Unless of course the story is AU, and the author can pretty much do what he likes. If I must stress something, it is that magic takes years, heck, lifetimes to develop let alone perfect. Healing is something Rin only has a rudimentary knowledge of. As far as canon goes, she can only heal physical wounds. Healing the damage on Sakura's very soul and psyche would be beyond her.
Again, magic takes TIME to develop. Post-Fate Shiro would never be able to complete something the Tracer's Art thingy you made in such a short time, even if it is an extension of abilities he already has. After all, Fate Shiro is a pretty crappy magus. In UBW, he was only able to drastically improve his abilities as a magus because of the memories he gained from while fighting Archer.
Also, a lot of people seem to be getting this confused: Shiro does not use Projection. Projection is making an object using energy then channeling that energy into the world using one's Magic Circuits, giving it shape and form. Shiro does a similar process, but he is transferring something that already exists from within his Reality Marble to the physical world. Two similar but distinct things.
| Pensive Rumination Observer chapter 6 . 10/9/2011
Apologies for my last review. I didn't account for creative license. Also realised that at the time you wrote this, alot of the background source material now on the Type-Moon wiki hadn't been released yet so, again apologies. Really, you should be congratulated in your interesting interpretation of FST.