Reviews for Lose yourself
Chocobo-Angel chapter 2 . 3/15/2009
I adore the way you kept Erol IC! That's so difficult to find these days. The more I read of this the more I find myself being drawn into the story.

I also enjoy the way that you make use of Erol describing her. Can't wait to see where this goes!

~Chocobo
Vaughn Tyler chapter 2 . 3/14/2009
very nice
Chocobo-Angel chapter 1 . 2/24/2009
If you do decide to expand this, I would love to see it. Your grammar is beautiful and the imagery that's used makes you feel like your there. So much better than anything I could hope to write. Anyway, for some odd reason I love the overall feel. It just oozes emotion.
P.A.W.07 chapter 1 . 2/16/2009
Intresting, to say the least. I hope to see where you are going with this fic soon, :D
Krin chapter 1 . 1/24/2009
I love the idea behind this story! There is so much you can do with it; even though the character has lost his/her memory, it's great to see that s/he knows s/he is out of place. Things don't "feel right" because they truly aren't.

Given that this character used to be a metal head, I wonder if s/he (I think I'll call her "she" for simplicity; please forgive if I'm wrong) is more likely to use certain senses than others. For example, is she more likely to notice how things around her smell than appear? I wonder if touch feels incredibly odd to her, since her old skin was metal (and presumably not as sensitive as squishy, organic skin).

One of the tricky things about first person point of view is that the character (99 times out of 100) is not and should not be aware of the way they look. It's hard to explain what I mean here. In your first sentence, you describe the skin around her eyes as tender and ruddy. Tender works perfectly, because the character can feel that her skin is tender. But ruddy does not work as well because unless she is in front of a mirror, she should not be able to know that her skin is ruddy. (Please don't take this nitpick personally; 1st person POV is tricky and this is one of the inherent errors)

I really liked the images and descriptive wording you used, especially here, "the streets splitting into branches and slithering between tall, grey buildings that jutted out of the ground."

Your spelling/grammar/word order is very pretty; no mechanical mistakes there. Wahoo! Nice first chapter and I hope you can write more!
Paradise Eco chapter 1 . 1/20/2009
this is really good,crystal and pratice is good soo good luck with everything.