Reviews for The Pawn King
Guest chapter 1 . 3/15/2013
Best FE oneshot ever.
Seriously, I love it !
The Demi God of Win chapter 1 . 3/30/2010
Beutifully tragic. I applaude you.
the Ambassador chapter 1 . 7/1/2009
...This is less out of character than you know.
BigBangMeteor8612 chapter 1 . 5/22/2009
I loved it. I really did. I disagree with the people who said Micaiah was evil. She wasn't evil really. Just someone who long let go of emotion. I think you really portrayed how Micaiah would have turned out if the Dawn Brigade had died. Micaiah is shown to have a bit of a heartless streak. She abandoned Sothe as a kid.
CaTigeReptile chapter 1 . 3/18/2009
That was incredible. Though the ending few lines, I had to read them twice to understand them. Sorry I can't be more detailed in my review, but that's partly because there's absolutely nothing about this story I didn't think was well-executed.
Kinnetik Ishisu chapter 1 . 3/16/2009
Amazing! I can totally identify with this cunning and evil Micaiah. What an excellent fic!
Writer Awakened chapter 1 . 1/31/2009
This is a good story.

Jeez, I always feel so bad for Pelleas...he's just a decent, goodhearted kid who gets shafted whether he lives or dies. He's definitely my favorite character from Dawn.

Now, on to the story: First, the grammatical trifles:

"A boy would be found, wether " - whether

"Soon he too would be snapped up from his freedom and put the cage of the Keep" - that sentence looks like it's incomplete.

"that mythic isoul mate/I" - broken code for the loss.

"rouge assassin" - rogue.

"It did not take much She was certainly not beyond making her traitorous senators die a painful death The more agonizing, the better in her opinion." - a few periods needed in there.

There were a few more things, but nothing that detracted from the story, so I'll stop nitpicking now. XD

As for the plot, it's a very interesting idea, and given the circumstances, I don't think Micaiah is *that* OOC...okay, so maybe she wouldn't whore herself out like she does here, but she does have a bit of a heartless streak, as evidenced when she abandoned Sothe pre-PoR time.

There's a very interesting story to be told here. The scenes with Pelleas and Micaiah are by far the best because they're so vivid (and I don't just mean the sex.) I love figurative language when used to convey emotion, so I loved the bedroom scenes. Honestly, I thought those scenes could have been and should have been longer- again, not necessarily the sex, although with the M rating you could easily get away with more description. Micaiah and Pelleas' romantic/sexual relationship is a microcosm of their relationship as a whole and we see different sides to both of them then. As it is, the emphasis is fine where it is (predominantly on Micaiah's coronation), but if you put the central focus on their "relationship" I really think you could humanize Micaiah a bit more...yes, even though she's evil here. That's up to you, though.

IMO, the story starts to drag when it goes into exposition mode and describes things that have already happened or are happening without actually showing the scene itself. The focus is on Micaiah, but we're even distanced from her at times because of the narration. It almost seems like there's so much stuff going on that there's no time to tell it all, so the readers have it dumped on them- it may be necessary, but after a while the plot points start to feel like trivial details, mainly because the story treats them like it. At times I just don't feel the emotion in the story, and even if that was the point, it does lessen the impact a little bit. This is compounded by the fact that Pelleas and Micaiah are really the only two major characters. Other than adding more to the story, though, I can't think of any way to remedy that.

I also think you belabor the idea that Pelleas genuinely loves Micaiah. Again, this is something that should be shown, and it comes across quite well in their love scenes; by the end of the story, it's obvious how he feels about her without the narrative needing to repeatedly remind us.

Does Micaiah know that Sanaki is her sister at this point in time? In the epilogue she states that she only figured it out when she entered the Tower of Guidance, although maybe I'm just misreading that scene. XD

I really liked the ending. The last few paragraphs and the last line in particular were perfect.

So all in all, I liked the story. Good emphasis both on plot and characterization. Keep on writing.
HellfireSupremacy chapter 1 . 1/24/2009
A masterpiece! Best original portrayals of Almehda and Pelleas in a Fanfic, bar none.

Excellent character portrayals aside, I can honestly say this is one of the best stories I've ever read. Easily the best written, most well-developed single chapter fic in FE fandom IMHO. It even holds its own against multi-chapter fics in terms of its plot development and entertainment value. I can't praise it enough.

Now if I may go off on my fellow writers, why the hell does this story not have more reviews? Patrons of FE fandom, have you lost your damn mind? Respond to this magnificint piece of literature with words of praise!
LaFernweh chapter 1 . 1/21/2009
Its good to see a non Mary-Sue Macaiah. This was epically sad and as usual I feel sorry for poor Pelleas TT.. this is awesome though :3
Sotsumi chapter 1 . 1/19/2009
I loved it. Can't I play THIS instead of the existing Radiant Dawn? Please? It has a much better story.

The whole thing was pretty tragic, but, of course, you know that. It was wonderful, and I look forward to reading more from you.