Reviews for Fallout 3: The Avenger
Breen chapter 8 . 10/6/2012
More!
Lol chapter 4 . 11/18/2011
Lol here loving the idea of tanya betraying him i loved how you discribed the super mutant behemoths head turned into a crater and i liked how you split up tom and jason and how there was someone to pick up the pieces (tanya)
Lol chapter 3 . 11/18/2011
Hi chapter 3 was ok but disapointing because i really like the game and what you wrote about being a bunk bed as well as a sofa is slightly upsetting because you cant get that in the game i dont think but apart from that everythingelse was brilliant i liked how he got shot by raiders near the start and i also liked how tom and mary came with him. The way you wrote the adrenalein part was great to.
Lol chapter 2 . 11/18/2011
Hi lol again im starting from the begining this chapter was incredible very discriptive i like how it said that he hit the officer over the railing. I also like how hit the first officer and snapped his coller bone i love how you use your verbs its brilliant. I also want to know when the book will actually come out. Your book is going to be exhilarating quite a thriller
Lol chapter 8 . 11/17/2011
That was amazing is this actually a book because i must buy it if it is i got the game and the add ons its amazing. And you just writing that great chapter is making me really enthused on reading the whole thing thats the first i have heard of this book it sort of makes me weap what you wrote was just mind blowing.
AliceMeidou chapter 8 . 7/7/2010
THANK YOU!

It is a really nice story. I enjoyed to read it. _
yez chapter 2 . 6/10/2010
feels like im playing the game
Chris The Cat chapter 8 . 5/8/2010
Wow! This is excellent! I love it. I thought because the whole "Lone Wanderer leaves the vault" deal has been donento death, but you did it well!

I do have one problem. Super Mutants aren't as dumb as you portray them to be! They are Super because they are meant to be smart, be strong and fear nothing. Not big strong and dumb as a radscorpion!

Also, add more Mirelurks. They aren't dumb either, they're about as smart as an eight year old. For a wild animal, that's amazing!

Keep up the good work!
Visicury chapter 8 . 5/31/2009
This is sincerely a fantastic story! The portrayal of Jason Lee in the Capitol Wasteland is abnormally addictive. It is nice to see some sense of real-life factors in a game that is equally addictive. I, for some reason, also have a strange soft spot for romance in some aspects, and applaud you in your adding it into your work.

I agree the final outcome is not as desirable as I had anticipated. The addition of a Gekko seems too far-fetched, and the seasonal change concept sort of eases the dangers of living in the radioactive ruins of America.

Perhaps you should add some other emotional change in Jason, like a sudden, hardening of his personality due to his father's death. Also, if you desire a more... civilized scene, you can always put in the Citadel into the story.

Good Luck in your work!

~Visicury
darthdrew1704 chapter 8 . 5/25/2009
dude i have to say that this has got to be one of the best fallout 3 fanfictions out there so far, I do hope you update again soon.

darth
Cherry Cheesecake chapter 8 . 4/28/2009
Oh dear. Where to start.

Well, the first thing that really drags down your story - Tanya. She's so damn bland and boring. I don't know if she's meant to be like that but she's a rather tiresome read if you don't mind me saying. She needs some more quirks, some more flaws, there is no depth at all. She's really needs a personality makeover. If she's a supposed assassin, give her some more assassin based elements. Spice her up more.

Also. In the scene when James catches them, After Tanya slaps Jason, she disappears completely from the picture. What exactly was the point of that? Jason and Tanya should have continued to argue about it like any real couple. I like romance in a Fallout story but Tanya seems like she was designed purely for authors convience.

Your past and present tenses really need some work, to be honest, it's very sloppy. You're not taking enough care while typing.

For exmaple:

"Jason immediately regrets his decision from last night"

"At the moment, it seemed like instinct to kiss her"

"Already, he seems a bit antsy"

"Jason still can't believe that he just was a normal kid in Vault 101"

Throughout your chapter, this is such a problem. It really makes your work look sloppy. Spelling and Gramatical errors is also on my hit list as well. Too many commas, not enough full stops. "If in doubt, stamp it out!"

Now, the Gekko thing. I have never played Metal Gear Solid so I had trouble imagining what they looked like. You were very vague in your desription so I had to go and look them up. I have never watched Ghost In The Shell either but Fire Kunai described the Tachikomas in "The Wayward Soldier" well enough for me to imagine what they looked like without having to google them.

"Being the big history buff he was, Jason was able to instantly recognize those things. Those were Irving Unmanned Weapons. Robots, basically. But not just any robot. They were 12 feet tall, had tremendous firepower, but most remarkable of all were the legs of the machine. They were animal like legs made of some sort of organic muscle tissue that were extremely powerful. The machines have been nicknamed Gekko. God knows what else those things can do..."

That paragraph tells me nothing, only that Jason somehow knew about secret Enclave technology that was way ahead of his time. The enclave have been in hiding for nearly 50 years and I doubt Vault-Tec would have covered it in history since the Enclave only emerged within the past 50 or years. It doesn't make any sense tbh. When FK's Alex saw the Tachikoma things in The Wayward Soldier, she had no idea what they were until the later chapters.

It is a shame that I've had to put some much negative comments in one review. I've been following your fic for a while now and what should have been the most powerful chapter since it was then that Jason lost James was lacking. You're not putting enough believable emotion into your story; you really need to get inside Jason's head and seperate the character from the author.
reaper chapter 8 . 4/15/2009
so are you going to finisn this story or not
STORY IS SUCKS chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
SUX U SUCK KILL SELF
Fire Kunai chapter 8 . 4/14/2009
Greetings from New Zealand!

Let me just rofl first...Hehe, Major Winters. That's awesome. Really brightened my day.

Anyways, fantastic work as always man! Poor Daddy James. Even though I have played through Fallout lots, James death gets me every time. I wish I could say more but my time is limited (Darn Wifi) so I approve of the awesomeness I have seen so far!

Keep on writing man!

Luff and Stuff from NZ

Fire Kunai
MysticGohan88 chapter 8 . 4/11/2009
Good job. I've been busy, so that's why I havent really updated myself. So, James is now gone. Jason better work hard if he dosent want to lose his mother as well. Update soon.
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