|Reviews for Sorrow and Hatred|
| RiotDragon chapter 1 . 3/10/2010
O.o Wow, crazy story there. Good writing however, and you captured the element of revenge beautifully. Just out of curiosity, was the female that Samus was in love with an OC? Or was she actually in one of the games? I don't recall ever seeing her.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
| Desert Lynx chapter 1 . 6/7/2009
I love how twisted Samus is in this story! Nicely done.
| Venomous Woe chapter 1 . 1/24/2009
Dang. This is one heck of a revenge story. Very nice read.
The torture scene was probably the best part of the whole fic. I could just FEEL Samus's hatred and Dark Samus's agony worm their way off the computer screen and into my soul. Seeing Samus's utter loss of sanity is like watching someone you love burn into ashes before your eyes. Truly splendid.
I do, however, have a few nitpicks that hindered my enjoyment.
First, this excerpt here: "Subject: Dark Samus
Subject had taken severe damage to armor revealing a semi human form underneath. There is a distinct possibility Dark Samus has copied your genetic code to a degree that she had formed an exact replica of you down to the cellular structure."
This excerpt seems more like what you'd see in a game rather than a piece of writing. I understand that you were trying to integrate Samus's in-game abilities into the fiction, and I don't want to discourage you from doing this. However, I just feel this needs a bit more polish. Instead of just making a new paragraph and writing a scan entry, try having the visor simply look for her DNA. Samus didn't seem she believed Dark Samus, so she could use the Scan Visor to just do that. Those detailed descriptions of the enemies read by the Scan Visor serve only to augment Metroid Prime's gameplay when playing, and doesn't necessarily translate well into written work. Keep that in mind.
Next, there was this:
"Samus remained totally calm and patient. Playing the same game with her each time until finally after exactly one week of torment she grew bored and shot her dead."
Forgive me for my cynicism, but I'm not quite sure how Samus could keep on torturing Samus for one week without eating, drinking, or sleeping, nor do I see how Dark Samus could endure one straight week of continuous torture without losing conciousness and/or dying. I would like a little elaboration on those, if I may.
Third, I've noticed quite a few run-on sentences. These are some examples:
"Dark Samus moved her arm and fired a quick burst of Phazite to which Samus rolled and returned fire with a steady stream of phazon as Samus leapt about."
"When her scans showed she was in the danger zone of full corruption and Samus released a large burst of Phazon into the ground beside Dark Samus's head."
You can probably break these into seperate sentences.
There's also a spelling error. One time you spelled "Dark" as "Datrk." The "T" key is right next to the "R" key, so that's probably why it's there.
Overall, though, the amount of space I've devoted to my criticisms do not undermine the fact that I enjoyed this story. Keep it up, and feel free to ask me to review your work, or better yet, refer me to your friends. ;)
| Lyless and Lockesilver chapter 1 . 1/22/2009
Hey, this is Lysoke, from devart, anyway, I loved it! This is so great, very powerful. - I hope to see more soon!
| BetaGuy chapter 1 . 1/21/2009
Well I think this story kicked ass. Their is a huge lack of good Metroid Stories. Update soon.