|Reviews for Record of Magic|
| DarowdrynofArcadia chapter 1 . 11/26/2013
Sweet, if not necessarily what I expected. Certainly shows one possible time when Rita would be vulnerable, so kudos for that. :)
| Ookami15 chapter 1 . 4/28/2013
To be honest I was a little lost, but it's one of the few Ristelle fanfics that don't suck. It took me a while to figure out it was Rita having a nightmare, but still very nice. Now (and you can reject this) maybe you can signal when the POV changes, but I'm not picky. I would just suggest making the story a little clearer.
| sylvrewolfe chapter 1 . 3/1/2012
I am quite intrigued!
Over all, very well thought out, you capture the characters personalities wonderfully as well. Over all very fluid!
I noticed you commented on the point of view changing... I'll be entirely honest, the way this piece is written the entire thing flows very smoothly from beginning to end, and although there is the shift in narration it manages to make itself obvious as you read it, but doesn't do it in a manner that distracts from the story, or the flow at all. You use it as a tool to express more than is capable with a single 'narrator.'
For example if it were just written from Judith's perspective you wouldn't be able to get insight into Estelle's thoughts. As a reader, you would only get to guess at Estelle's thoughts based upon what Judith perceives/witnesses. So by using the technique that you did by introducing another narrator, we, the reader are able to get more insight than we would with a single narrator.
I use the same technique quite a bit in my writing as well, mainly because it allows a writer to express more. I mean you can't really use one character to express the inner thoughts of another, you can just get what the character perceives that the other is thinking. You managed to change the point of view in a way that was subtle enough so as not to disrupt the fluid movement of the story, but make it obvious enough so that the reader realizes that there is a change. (Sorry if that seemed a bit repetitive)
Very well done!
I shall patiently await another installment!
I would love to see where this piece is going to go! The possible outcomes of this scene alone are quite numerous, and wonderful!
| Vhan8765 chapter 1 . 6/24/2011
Wow, I've got to admit, this was the first story I have read like this. I can honestly say I wasn't disappointed. The POV change was perfectly fine to me, no problems there. I did have a problem with the rating though, this story shouldn't be rated T, but no biggie. There weren't any mistakes, and for the most part your characters were in character. A tiny, tiny bit they weren't, but barley a bother.
As for a second chapter? Please do! I'm interested in what Rita's dream was and how she would cope with her apparent mix of her of emotions. Once we get through that than the 3rd chapter could be about could be about confront Estelle, and than there will be angst and problems and solutions and other good stuff. With such an intro like this, the way the other chapters could come out is endless really. A great idea that opens many doors to even greater opportunity. Also, it seems as if Judith may know how Rita feels about Estelle, you could do something with that.
Overall, this story was amazing and I'm hoping to see more come from this. Judging from just this first chapter, 10/10.
| AngelWithACrookedHalo chapter 1 . 5/3/2011
Ooh, I'd love to see more! I'm so curious to know what she was dreaming about...
Please, if you're not too busy, could you write some more?
| adwinffel chapter 1 . 5/22/2009
I really think u shooul make another chapter because i likeed it _
| xNanaki chapter 1 . 2/6/2009
Very cute! I love this pairing _
| Anonymous chapter 1 . 1/25/2009
I like it! Not just because RitaxEstelle is my fav pairing, but because I want to know what Rita's dream is! And I don't mind the changing POV at all. So make another chapter! ...Please?
| ewfgw chapter 1 . 1/24/2009
| Xgamerkf chapter 1 . 1/23/2009
I'm liking this, so far. Very emotional, and the characters are spot-on (not to mention it's my favorite pair). It's overall very well written, too.
I thought the PoV shifting a little was fine. It wasn't confusing for me at all, and it allowed you into the different characters' minds at certain points. I've noticed I'm the same way in my writings, actually.
Here's hoping for more. :)
| LittleLinor chapter 1 . 1/23/2009
Hehe nice story. Not over-the-top, but full of emotion.
The POV can be a bit confusing though, but as long as you're aware of it...
| Kisaka Kyoshiro chapter 1 . 1/22/2009
Alright, got through this other piece.
An obvious example of both your writing style and preferred theme. Not that that's bad, just noting it.
I like the pacing of this one, especially compared to last one I read. It moved at a more natural pace. You called yourself on one of your own faults at the end with the POV, so I'll leave that alone. There's something about the words/style itself that's bugging me, but since I can't figure it out I'll drop it.
I can't really think of anything else to pounce on, so I'll leave this as a marked advancement in your writing. Don't stop now!
| TheOtherPromise chapter 1 . 1/22/2009
Well written. The changing POV of sorts didn't really bother me at all. I say leave it as is. ]
And of course, I love you for writing something that is RitaxEstelle.
| AA-Tenks chapter 1 . 1/22/2009
Second chapter.. DO WANT!
I like where this is going. So far it's pretty much one sided. But it's cute.
Rita is so d'aw.~