|Reviews for Is that Harry Potter? The Harry Potter?|
| Kyrie Lorelei chapter 9 . 8/23/2011
| SoulMore chapter 9 . 8/19/2011
| dreammyth chapter 9 . 3/20/2011
I love brainy Harry! Please continue the story.
| luke.summers chapter 9 . 1/4/2011
UPDATE PLEASE! THIS STORY IS BRILLIANT!
| Bane WolfBlood chapter 9 . 3/19/2010
Please update soon!
| Makurayami Ookami chapter 9 . 2/25/2010
that was very good. well written. loved it.
| Makurayami Ookami chapter 8 . 2/25/2010
aww, cute. well written.
| hash4uall chapter 9 . 2/20/2010
seriously wonderful story.. very pleasant.. i hope u do go further with the story . it has a unique perspective.. and its really refreshing..
| RRW chapter 9 . 2/19/2010
wow, that was really deep...
| Chakahlah chapter 9 . 2/19/2010
*chuckles* that was wonderful!
| NANLIT chapter 9 . 2/19/2010
Wow. Harry's superphotographic memory has certainly come in handy. He's gotten Peter arrested, Sirius's name cleared, and perhaps even the start of a friendship with Snape. When you said that Harry got Voldemort's wand, was that intentional or did you mean the brother of Voldemort's wand?
How did Harry do in school with the Dursleys? Did they let him do his best or did they threaten him if he did better than Dudley?
| momocolady chapter 7 . 5/2/2009
| Chakahlah chapter 7 . 4/28/2009
this is such a cool story!
| RRW chapter 7 . 4/27/2009
Great chapter...I wonder what the outcry will be in the Wizarding world when they find out about sirius' innocense?
| David305 chapter 4 . 4/26/2009
Your last attribution to Harry in Ch. 3 was,
"“Wow look at the castle – it’s beautiful.” Harry said to the others as he turned back around."
I checked back: Harry is entirely in the third person (He, him, his) for the first three chapters.
Your first attribution to Harry in Ch. 4 was,
"My heart was beating just a little too fast for comfort as I entered the Great hall with the other first years."
I immediately thought, "Huh?"
I looked ahead: You continue mostly in the first person through the end of the chapter, (though occasionally breaking suddenly into third person: "Harry gave him a large smile to reassure him"; '“Hello Sir Nicholas” Harry and Percy said at the same time.'; "They stepped onto the moving staircase and waited as it moved upwards.") and then on through chapter 7. Harry is mostly in the first person (I, me, my) for the latter 4 chapters - though, disconcertingly, the third person frequently pops up.
Why do I mention this? Because it's one of the two biggest No-Noes in English composition!
When you start a story in the third person, you need to continue and finish the story in the third person. (Or start, continue and finish all in first person.) The third person is more flexible, because it's objective. I.e., the narrator can watch the story from more than one perspective, "looking over the shoulder" (so to speak) of more than one character. The first person is subjective - i.e., the narrator can only tell the story from one perspective: his own (I) - and so can't sit in on action where he is not present.
But when you change person in the middle, you alter the perspective of a story impossibly. It's as though one story-teller has died, and is replaced by another.
The other major compositional "sin" is similar: changing tense. Most stories are told in the past tense. Sometimes, for very particular artistic reasons, they are told in the present tense. However, it is considered extremely sloppy and clumsy writing to switch back and forth between tenses, just as it is regarded as extremely bad form to change person. (You'll note that JKR's books are all told in third person, past tense - the most standard narrative form, going back to the folk tales of antiquity. Gilgamesh, Homer and Genesis are all in third person, past tense.)
Now, theoretically, you may have some very special artistic reason for changing person in the middle. If so, you must explain what that artistic reason is, for otherwise, one must suppose that you are simply not paying attention to your own story. And that borders on the unforgivable.
While it would be a chore, I highly recommend that you (or your beta, when you deign to get one) rewrite your chapters either all in first person or all in third. If not, your story simply fails as a story.
Writing, like speaking, consists in both what you say and how you say it. Some call this essence plus expression, or nature plus form. Neither can exist without the other; for unless his story or message is expressed clearly, a speaker or writer is only talking to himself.
When the rules of usage, grammar, syntax, composition and structure are ignored, it is the written equivalent of mumbling, and a writer will reach only a vanishingly small readership - that is, only people who think and express themselves exactly as he does. That's because his meaning and flow are obscure to everyone else. Readers who don't have access to his unique perspective become frustrated, irritated and confused. That's why we have standard English: so that everyone can understand each other clearly. It is wise to save creativity for the story itself, and not take such liberties with language that the reader has to repeatedly reread sentences to try to divine their meaning.
What I'm trying to say is: your ignoring the rules of language doesn't just impair your future as a writer, but also in a potential university career or vocation. I dearly hope you don't take this as a flame; it's really not. I wish you only the best; but I see talent being squandered because your expression is so undisciplined. I eagerly look forward to coming back to read the story once it has been well and properly edited.